Sort of Off-Topic: Kids and Smoking

[the_vape_nerd]

My wife and I are both former smokers and now vapers. I have a 17 year old step-daughter who's recently told us that she smokes. My wife's view on this is to simply let her smoke (after a real long lecture). I don't now how I should feel about this. We won't buy them for her, nor will we pay for her to smoke them. But I and she also feel like hypocrites telling her not to smoke. And really, when I started in my teens, no adult could have told me anything to make me not try it and keep on doing it.

This child is a straight A student, with full paid scholarships already to college starting next year. She's a good kid, never in any sort of trouble, does her chores, is respectful and we've never suspected her of doing any kind of illegal drugs, though I guess at 17 tobacco is illegal for her.

Do any of you out there have any similar experiences with this? I'd like to hear from you. On the one hand I want to tell her she can't do it in my house. On the other, she's my STEP child and really the decision would end up being left to her mother.

I just feel like we should be making a bigger effort to keep her from doing this. There's also a bit of guilt we both have because she's grown us watching us smoke. How can I convince her that this just isn't cool, and not to pick up this filth habit I've struggled with for 20 years?

 

[Iowa Gal]

Sounds like to have started on the right foot because you are talking about it. I agree than as parents you shouldn't financially support an unhealthy habit. Just keep reminding her in conversation not sermon how difficult it was for you to quit smoking. It may just be an 'experimental' phase...sure sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and works hard in school. If it were me, I wouldn't allow it in my house or pay for it, but wouldn't make too big of an issue. If she is still smoking a year from now when she is 18 and heading off to college...then I'd get her a V4L starter kit

 

[ThankU4Vaping]

I can't say I've had a similar experience, but I will say don't allow anyone to smoke inside your home or vehicles. Maybe the inconvenience of finding the time and place to smoke will be a deterrent. Hopefully she'll stop smoking or turn to vaping instead.

Maybe talking to her about when you were a teen and how/why you started smoking and that you quit for HER and her mom as well as your own health. To be alive and around for a long time!

 

[Darrigaaz]

Take a family trip to a local nursing home on the notion of visiting some random old folks. Find one that has got a couple people who smoked for 40+ years. Then offer to get her a starter kit after she turns 18...

 

[the_vape_nerd]

I don't really want her vaping or smoking. She's 17. I mean my thought is, don't do something like this to begin with and it doesn't become a lifelong bad habit.

 

[AG51]

I don't really want her vaping or smoking. She's 17. I mean my thought is, don't do something like this to begin with and it doesn't become a lifelong bad habit.

That may be your thought, BUT, vaping is a better life long habit then ciggies are for sure. I myself would get her into that as soon as you notice she's going to keep on smoking. I know several people who have started to smoke when I was younger, but they didn't keep it up. It's a wait and see game I guess I'm trying to say. But if it's going to be a life long habit...Get her to switch to vaping !!

 

[the_vape_nerd]

I will do that if I have to. She's tried the vaping and likes it, but she can't buy anything since she's under age.

 

[K9Luvr]

I agree with Anita. Probably nothing you can say or do at this time will influence her decision. She sounds like a great kid, so let her go through this learning process. And if it looks like it's gonna stay, then introduce her to V4L ;-)

 

[Chesterwiz]

I don't really want her vaping or smoking. She's 17. I mean my thought is, don't do something like this to begin with and it doesn't become a lifelong bad habit.

I was thinking the same as Anita. I would have also gotten her 0 nic and said its high in nic. Maybe it will fool her. I would play on the fact its the "new" thing and electronic. Say "You would be the coolest one out there for using this high tech device".

"Even though smoking is really bad and I do not agree this would be much better if you are going to continue..."

 

[the_vape_nerd]

hahaha chester....i would try that but she's a pretty sharp tack and would know I was full of it

 

[AG51]

I was thinking the same as Anita. I would have also gotten her 0 nic and said its high in nic. Maybe it will fool her. I would play on the fact its the "new" thing and electronic. Say "You would be the coolest one out there for using this high tech device".

"Even though smoking is really bad and I do not agree this would be much better if you are going to continue..."

I like the low nic part ! You said she'll be going off to college soon ? We can all do a prayer that she'll see others vaping at college and it'll fall right into place that she'll want to do that instead of smoking !!! Heck, a lot of college kids vape right ? Let's pray she see that !!

 

[jmpublius]

I'm not going to mention anyone specifically, or call anyone out, but some people are giving you some really crappy advice. First and foremost, there's no way you're going to come off NOT looking like a hypocrite. That's not a condemnation or accusation, that's just the unfortunate circumstance you've found yourself in. My mother told me for years not to smoke at the end of a lighted cigarette. Guess how well that worked??? One thing she did right, though, was never accepting what she considered unacceptable behavior in her house under her roof. This not only made me more independent, but made me more responsible and prepared to accept my own choices. It sounds like your daughter has a lot of good things going for her, and these are all reasons to NOT START SMOKING. I personally think you should continue to let her know you find this unacceptable, and definitely not support her habit in anyway----cigs or vaping-----period. It's good to reach out to others, but at the end of the day, take the advice you get here with a grain of salt (mine included). It seems to me that you've done just fine on your own. Good luck.

 

[ThankU4Vaping]

jbank, you're in the middle of it all. The wife says let her, and you say the decision would end up being left to your wife. No one wants to see a 17-year-old smoking or vaping. As any former 17-year-old girl will tell you ... there's not much you can do at this point. Smoking isn't as popular as it was back in the day. My niece who just graduated from Yale said only a small percentage of students smoked.

Soon the FDA will pretty-up the cigarette packs with the graphic labels...She won't like the look of them if she's still smoking later this year.

Overview: Cigarette Health Warnings
# September 22, 2012 – Cigarettes for sale or distribution in the United States can no longer be manufactured or advertised without the new cigarette health warnings
# October 22, 2012 – Cigarette manufacturers can no longer distribute cigarettes for sale in the United States unless they display the new cigarette health warnings

 

[wazzup592]

Inform her of the risks and let her decide what she wants to do. I'm 19 and if I thought my parents and the worst thing that my parents could ever say to change my decision with anything in my life would be for them to say that they are disappointed in me. It really hots you where it hurts. It means they care but they really do not like the decisions or decision I am making. I'd give her the facts and let her know how you really feel. I'm only 19 so I have no parenting experience but fron the way I was raised, I would say that is the best way to handle it. She will thank you later

 

[CrankyGoldfish]

Ultimately, the decision does rest with her mother. I'm going to take a stab here and say that you've gotten attached to her as a parent yourself. Your concern is understandable in that regard and I do hope that your wife is taking your feelings into account.

Even if you're not allowed to 'forbid' her to smoke, it's a good idea to sit down with your step-daughter and talk to her about the habit. Let her know that you switched to vaping for a reason - your health. Tell her about how hard it was for you to put down the cancer sticks, especially after so many years of polluting your lungs with them. Explain to her how much you regretted lighting up the first one.

Be honest and sincere with her. Try not to make it a lecture about life, but be sure to express yourself as clearly as possible about it. Make sure she understands that you want her to have a healthy life as an adult. Yes, it's going to be in her hands soon, but she's a teenager and they seem to think they're invincible at this stage.

Most of all, treat her like a young adult. Love, respect and sincerity will give it more of an impact for her. It'll increase the chances that she might actually take what you say to heart.

 

[Morandir835]

Jbankston sir you're pretty much screwed any way you go... This is her way of rebellion, a much needed part of the teenage experience.... Push too far in one direction you make it worse, too much in the other and she'll find new ways to rebel since you accept the old one.... You get on her for smoking you're a hypocrite, tell her you don't want her vaping either, again hypocrisy.... Up to you to chose what you can live with.....

 

[the_vape_nerd]

I've got 2 step kids and 2 of my own. I don't want any of them smoking. I just want what is best for her. I think in the end she's almost 18. We're going to have to let her go and let her decide for herself.

 

[wazzup592]

Just slip a couple packs of these into her purse
http://www.ukmalayalee.com/news_process.php?newsid=570&newscat=uknews

 

[Clover~]

Hey Im 23! and 6 years ago I was 17. From my personal experience, you talk to that girl like she is the good kid she is. Her friends probably all smoke. she has a lot of pressure to be good. She is doing a good job at that too! straight As and a full scholarship? How long until she is 18? Wanna know what my parents did when they caught me smoking cigs and drank half of a mikes hard? they took me to the police station! wanna know what happened after that? I moved away and went to college and did stupid things! I wish i had a closer relationship to my parents. maybe I never would have started smoking a pack a day. Im starting to ramble. the point is be there for her in every way you can. Dont ever let her feel like you wont understand or support her. Live by example and do the best you can to get her to quit. when she is legally 18 she can start vaping. I personally dont see anything wrong with a 17 year old vaping her parents supply when she's already addicted to smoking. Id rather she be healthy. much love and I hope things work out!

 

[Morandir835]

Ms. Clover there's the perfect example of pushing too far to stop... Sorry you had to go through that...