Q2v3 giveaway!!!

[pwyll]

Happy Birthday Paislia! Since you're so interested in Astronomy, you probably already know this, but for those who are unaware:

In order to put an end to the juvenile jokes that they feel contribute to the marginalization of Astronomy and a general view that astronomers aren't "real" scientists, the International Astronomical Union has decided to change the name of Uranus. They have decided to give it a name that will be difficult to use as a pun or the punchline. So far polls of the membership show the most likely candidate is Urectim.

 

[quittin4mykids]

well, I dont have a joke about math or stars- BUT, I wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 

[miller552]

Happy Birthday Paislia!

 

[miller552]

Gemini Women
Often the aggressor, you are never embarrassed by your behaviour because you never adhere to any standards except your own. Your main requirement: a lover who knows how to take his time. You are a one woman harem, but a partner should be aware that in a relationship, the Gemini woman is looking for a combination of the spiritual and the physical, the romantic and the practical. You want to talk to the guy after you tumble with him! Best sex mates are Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius, Libra, and Aries. Favourite gadget: the vibrator. Or a P.E.N.I.S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[toto1013]

#1

A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

 

[440BB]

#1

Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide how to spend $10 billion.
"I think we should put our men on Mars!" said the first man.
"Ooh, good idea," said the other two.
"I think we should put our men on Venus!" said the second man.
"Ooh, good idea," said the other two.
"I think we should put our men on the Sun!"
"How are you going to do that?"
"Easy. We go at night."

 

[440BB]

#2

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

 

[tofucute]

#1

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

 

[tofucute]

#2

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. "Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer..."

 

[fudgeball]

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!!!

Q: What does a mathematician present to his fiancée when he wants to propose?
A: A polynomial ring!

 

[36tinybells]

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.

- Charles R Darwin

 

[36tinybells]

#2 for Sunday

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says "Wait just a moment", and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow."

 

[spacekitty]

#1 for Sunday...

PLANETARY HUMOR

What kind of humor does each planet rule?

Well, we all know that as far as humor is concerned, Mercury is the original prankster! So in order to activate these planets' sense of humor, they need to be aspected with Mercury.

I have noticed that female planets are not as humor friendly as male planets. I believe it's because the female element often takes jokes literally because it knows that jokes always come from somewhere and have a hidden meaning/intention behind them in most cases. Anyway, here goes:

SUN:
Childlike innocent fun and entertainment at its finest! Also rules staged humor and sitcoms.

MOON:
Subtle, implicit humor and Freudian slips(!) Uncomfortable jokes that remind us of our own shortcomings.

MERCURY:
Is the original prankster! It's the funniest of the planets. simple and fast verbal jokes that are easily understood. light humor, pranks, jokes you receive as text and so forth.

VENUS:
Romantic comedy, funny pick up lines. Pleasurable smiles from having a good relaxing time, and light sexual jokes and hints (not too funny as pleasurable and sensual).

MARS:
Accidental comedy; stuff you see on America's funniest home videos with clumsy trips and falls or stunts gone wrong (also a Mars/Uranus aspect). also the use of foul language and swear words in a funny way, as well as playful wrestling.

JUPITER:
Is the happy go lucky jovial planet, I'd say it's as funny as Mercury (though Mercury still wins a point over Jupiter 'cause it's much faster). Jupiter rules Philosophical jokes that are not as easy to understand as Mercury, also cynical and wise @$$ comments. If Mercury rules giggles and chuckles, Jupiter rules laughing out loud with your belly shaking. Think Santa Claus (a very Jupiterian figure) going Ho Ho Ho!

SATURN:
Wonder if it has any sense of humor because it's so darn serious! But I believe it would rule cold, dry humor, sarcasm and serious jokes that you think they are for real at first.

URANUS:
Rules internet humor and memes, random jokes,and sudden funny incidents, jokes that are surprisingly amusing.
I also think it rules jokers and clowns as an archetype, because it rules the Fool card in the Tarot.
But with Uranus, make sure they're laughing WITH you and not AT your weirdness!

NEPTUNE:
Circus and magic shows. Rather trippy than funny.

PLUTO:
Has the last laugh. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
(also rules extremely crude jokes, painful irony, inside jokes,and of course, sexual humor along with Venus.)

 

[Tuck]

 

[Tuck]

 

[toto1013]

#2

A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours."
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."
The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!"

 

[kritter]

#1
Happy birthday!

 

[kritter]

#2

 

[count3]

Whats the speed of casual sex?

68 because at 69 you end up eating it

Hope that made you laugh

 

[spacekitty]

I didn't come up with a 2nd joke or whatever for today (Sun.) but I just wanted to say what a really great prize Paislia is offering... not only because she is a GREAT PERSON... but also because I found out that those Copper mods aren't being sold any more...

So whoever is Lucky enough to win this prize will have a real collector's item!!