round 3

[chokmah]

Well I went out and bought and smoked and so my new date is now my birthday.

As an addict to nicotine and apparently still the other additives I have failed once again. Third time may be the charm or at least I am hoping.

While I could blame non smokers for my slip which I implied on another thread I won't although any excuse for an addict will work. I do have other stresses in my life currently like the results of my husbands scans on the 9th to see what his stage 4 lung cancer is doing.
My MIL has been diagosed with a form of cancer as well as my husbands grandmother.
On top of this I have a upcoming trial due to some crappy movers which I hope it is dismissed due to them apparently no longer in business and cant be found.
Or it could be the finances that we have lost due to my husbands diagnosis and loss of income there during an already troubled economy.

I do hope the non smokers who visit this site do read this and can see how hard this addiction is to quit. I have quit many things like drinking and biting my nails as well as other smoking habits I tried at a young age but none compare to quiting analogs. This has to be the hardest for anyone to do and I applaud those that are having success and pray you all continue that path. One day I hope to be among those who can say I have quit smoking and I am a non smoker and mean it.

Sorry for my ramblings but as you are like family I felt it neccessary to let you all know.

God Bless...

 

[sherid]

Ahh, you are saddled with misery, and I am so sorry to hear that you or anyone has to face so much tragedy. It is counterproductive to also beat up on yourself for buying some smokes. No one could blame you, so please stop blaming yourself. Why don't you ease out of smoking cigs by having a few each day and vaping the rest. I have a feeling that putting less pressure on yourself will make it simpler to reach your ultimate goal. Take care of yourself, and may God bless you.

 

[smokingclam]

Stress is definitely my biggest trigger to smoke. So far I've been able to overcome the stress since I started vaping. Sounds like you are really under a load of it and I hope things take a turn for the better for you.
No sense beating yourself up over smoking. The important thing is you are trying and we all know how hard it is to stop. I quit for 11 months 2 years ago only to go back and take the same beating I swore I'd never do again after I quit.
I was diagnosed with a spot on my lung when I quit for the 11 months and that didn't stop from going back to it. My latest quit attempt was because I now am coming down with Bronchitis from smoking. I figured it was time to lay them down for good this time. Is Chronic Bronchitis a good enough reason not to go back? Probably not but I going to give it all I got.
Important thing is we are all trying and may have a set back or 2 here and there. I gain strength from your story and I hope I can give strength to someone else here.
Good luck and don't give up hope!

 

[chokmah]

Thanks Sherid and Smokingclam
For your kind words as they mean alot!Maybe I am worried about the possible ban? I was talking to my husband earlier about this as a concern along with what to expect from his results.. hmmm just something I guess I shall mull over..

 

[Vicks Vap-oh-Yeah]

You haven't failed.... You had a setback.

If you continue to fight the addiction, every day you cut back or don't smoke is a victory. Every time you pick up your PV instead of a cig is a victory.

The only way you will fail is if you give up. Never give up!

There is an awesome community here to give you the support and help you need. We're here for you!

 

[Idahojo]

I'm so sorry you are having so many hardships Chokmah. Please don't beat yourself up. You're dealing with a bad hand that's been dealt you. Think about this. Would you allow someone to beat up on someone you love for making a simple mistake? Hell no! So don't do it to yourself. I found when I was quitting that when I really was having a hard time with cravings I would add some 36ml drops to my cart. It usually eased me thru it. Try to take some deep breaths or go for a walk. If you really need the analogs smoke em! No one here will judge you. And you shouldn't either. Do what it takes to get yourself thru these hard times. Just focus on 1 day at a time and no more. We're here for you. PM me any time you want. I'm rather addicted to this forum so I'll help if you need someone to talk to.

 

[gep]

You haven't failed.... You had a setback.

If you continue to fight the addiction, every day you cut back or don't smoke is a victory. Every time you pick up your PV instead of a cig is a victory.

The only way you will fail is if you give up. Never give up!

There is an awesome community here to give you the support and help you need. We're here for you!

Well, said Vicks and Chokmah everyday is a new day.
Good luck!

 

[Monkeylurv]

Gosh, you have alot on your plate. I totally agree with above posters that every analog not smoked is a vast improvement especially with what you are going through. I'd bet you are probably even more anxious to quit because your husband has lung cancer. My aunt, who has survived 2 bouts of cancer, continued to smoke through her treatment. People don't understand the stress factor in the worst of situations & quitting smoking. It's a total catch-22. You're under the gun with the most horrible life event - it makes it a 1000 times harder to quit.

I do hope the non smokers who visit this site do read this and can see how hard this addiction is to quit.

Sadly, they'll probably never get it. I think analogs are like the crack equivalent of nicotine. Vaping eases the oral fixation, but isn't quite the equivalent of that shot of nicotine to the brain. Only a smoker (or drug/alcohol addict) can understand the beast.

Many prayers to you & your family.

 

[Oldnamenomore]

I am very sorry for what you are dealing with. If you want a cig have a ****ing cig don't feel bad about it, you do what you want to do you have enough going on in your life to be stressing about having an analog. Try to vape as much as possible but if you need a cig have one.

TBH even if they ban e-cigs I don't think it will be much of a problem getting the components, the juice might be harder, so maybe you should stock up on it. I just bought 6months worth.

 

[chokmah]

Thank you all! This is why I love this forum so much and why you all feel like family. I will try not to beat myself up so much. I guess this is why I have been told I am my own worst enemy. It has been hard as my husband who has the lung cancer is still using analogs during the day. He has cut back alot (down to 5 to 8) so that doesnt help. You guys and gals are the best and I really appreciate all the support here. I love you folks truely!

 

[Momof3]

(((HUGS)))

I agree with everyone else. If you need a cigarette, have one and don't beat yourself up about it. Why waste the energy on that when you need it for so many other things.

 

[nitewriter]

Hang in there chokma. When you get down as far as you can get, there is only one way to look. ....up.

I'm really sorry for all you're troubles.

 

[aspen]

So you had a smoke, no big deal. Just move back to vaping afterwards. I am like you I fight it all the time which leads me to believe there are addictive substances in analogs that none of us know about. I congatulate you on your efforts to date and just keep at it. Like they used to say you fall down get back up and brush yourself off and get back to it. Stay strong you guys.
Best Regards

 

[Caesarea]

Dear Chokmah, Big hugs and don't you worry about the odd lapses.
Loads of us ECF family thinking good vibes for you.

 

[pam]

I agree with the others: I think you are being way too hard on yourself. Using terms like "success" and "failure" are only going to contribute to the stress you are feeling. You need to redefine "success."

I didn't start vaping to quit. I just wanted to cut back by about 50%. I achieved that goal immediately but then I started reading about all the folks who had quit completely and started feeling like I was failing. I had a good long talk with myself and now I don't feel the slightest bit guilty when I smoke an analog. It's great that some people can stop completely with their first vape. They are lucky it works that well for them.

I see this as a process. I was smoking 2+ packs per day and since getting my PV I have been smoking about 1/2 a pack a day. On my worst day, I smoked a little less then a pack. I guess some would see that as a failure but I don't think of the pack I smoked, I think of the pack I didn't smoke. It took me many, many years to get up to two packs a day so if it takes me a few months, or even a year, to get down to zero, I'll still see that as a success.

I know your situation is different because of your husband's cancer but that is all the more reason to be gentle with yourself. I wish you and your husband the very best.

 

[Mary Kay]

Chocmah, My name is Mary and I am new here. I have been reading every thread and can't believe the how kind the people are here, you included. I have some of the problems that you are dealing with in my family. I am scared to death to put the added stress of trying to give up cigarettes. If you can cut down under all this stress let alone quit for days/weeks at a time you are superwoman and I give you all the props you are due! I will try to be like you..if you don't mind that is
Mary

 

[chokmah]

You guys and gals are amazing! What a way to wake up, to read such kind words. It brings tears to my eyes and joy in my heart. You all are such an inspiration to me and it gives me hope that I can do this and maybe I have done better than I thought. Its nice to meet you Mary and welcome to the forum..err family. I will try to look at the analogs that I didn't smoke rather than the few I actually do. You folks are truely a blessing. Hugs all around!

 

[pokeyoldgram]

I don't know which is worse guilt or stress, for a smoker they feed off each other. I have been smoking since i was 17, I'm 41 now (shhhh, don't tell). I have tried everything to quit and I mean everything, I can't. I starting vaping because it's healthier than smoking and I don't want to hurt my grandkids. I still have about 3 analogs per week, down from a pack and a half per day, they now taste like gym shoes smell btw.

I have given up on quitting, not because I am waving the white flag, but because I am willing to accept myself now, thank God something good comes with age...lol. Maybe you will never smoke again, maybe you will, but smoking should not be the characteristic that defines you. It is obvious from your post that you are a caring, devoted person in a great deal of pain. Please don't allow the guilt of smoking to add to what you are going through.

I don't know if you are a person of faith or not but this applies either way.(I'm paraphrasing a bit) "It is not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, but what comes out" Now, I'm pretty sure Jesus was talking about food but i think It could apply to analogs too. The point is, it's your heart that makes you a success or failure. What is important is that you are a kind loving person, give some of that kindness to yourself. And if you smoke, forgive yourself, not because you have done wrong or failed, because you haven't. Forgive yourself because you would do the same for anyone you love. Without the added guilt it will be so much easier to keep from returning to your bad habits.

It also helps me to think of cigarettes as that man that was a great lover but treated me really bad.(we all know who he is..admit it girls) Every time we get lonely or sad or something we would run to him one last time to feel good for a while. And we always regretted it. Once I even wrote his name on my pack of camels, my DH thought it a bit odd though. But it made it personal in a different way, I knew I deserved better than him.

I hope some of this helps. And I hope I haven't offended anyone by bringing a specific faith into this or at all. I like to think that wisdom is generic but felt the need to add a little disclaimer anyway.

Please keep us posted and remember to be as kind to yourself as anyone else that you love.

 

[Huxley]

Chokmah, You hang in there. You've got more on your plate than many people could possibly cope with and yet your still going. Failure? Nah, inspiration more like. If you've had a few analogs, so what? In the scheme of things it doesn't really matter. Just pick yourself up and go again.

 

[Coffee Addict]

I have to agree with others. Not everyone quits as soon as they pick up the e-cig.
Not everyone even intends to totally quit. Alot just plan on cutting down and quitting eventually happens.
I have to agree, don't put it on yourself to quit, just cut down.
One day at a time.
That is how I did it.....first 2 packs a day for 30+ years, then a few a day with the e-cig and now I am down to none and don't feel as I will go back.
As for the ban....I think I will worry about that when I have more solid information. Who knows, maybe like others I will be at 0 nic by then and be able to figure something else out.