Self destructing in a bad way

[MrsJaaxx]

I'm so glad you guys talked and he has let you know that he won't be acting that way anymore. I just read the post from beginning to end, and I was sad for you, and then smiling at my keyboard as I read that it was resolved. I have no idea why he did give you such grief, but given his apology and kind words after, I think it's safe to say that he didn't realize how badly it was hurting you.

It's a big deal to quit cigs! Like, after a milestone (a month, 6 months, whatever) somebody should take you out to a special dinner as a reward! And your "cig day" isn't the end of it all.. Smoke up today if you want to, then hop back on the e-cig.

 

[Shaka]

Great ending to a very emotional story. Come here and vent any time you want.

 

[IVapus]

I'm another one with no spousal support. I'm expecting her to try and pull the plug on my spending any day now. In fact I have been for weeks.

I was vaping in the house without her even realizing it for nearly 3 weeks. I only vape mild flavors that dissipate fairly quickly and don't linger. In fact, the first time she asked me if I vaped in the house, and I told her, she was surprised and commented "so this stuff doesn't have any odor to it?" Normally, I only vape flavors that are stronger or take longer to dissipate if I'm in the car, away from home, or outside on my deck. Sometimes, if everyone's gone to bed I may vape one of my stronger flavors inside. Typically, the aroma will only linger for an hour or two at most, and is certainly completely gone by the next morning. The other night I vaped a bit of Viking Vapor cherry tobacco, followed by some Tasty Vapor kretek(cinnamon clove, etc.). Neither of these are what you could call stealth vapes by any stretch. Well sometime after midnight or 1am, she came out of the bedroom because apparently she couldn't sleep and she had a fit when she found me on the computer and vaping(I was on ecf and shopping for more vaping supplies, not looking at anything I shouldn't be, lol). She said she was really concerned about this new habit I'd picked up and asked me not to vape in the house any more. I didn't immediately concede as she expected. An argument ensued. First time I actually had a craving for an analog in over a month. A bit later she said that it bothered her breathing, trying the guilt angle on me. She does have mild issues with asthma from time to time, triggered by any of a number of things: carpet freshener, perfumes, bug spray, dust, etc., so I'm not suggesting she was making it up, and there was a pretty good cloud when she first came out. However, the fact remains that as long as I'm vaping a fairly inocuous flavor, and in another room, I don't think there's any way vaping is going to affect her. If that had been the case it wouldn't have taken 6 weeks for her to notice and comment on it, trust me. It could also have been most anything that caused her breathing problems because as I mentioned there are lots of triggers so this was not unusual at all. If it turns out that it does affect her, I'll stop. I don't think I'm unreasonable. Right now, it's just [another] opportunity for her to exercise control, which she can't resist. For now, I plan to save the more aromatic flavors for outside the house, and keep my indoor vaping to a minimum.

Prior to this, the only comments I'd gotten in response to vaping were from my 14 year old who asked if I'd been spraying air freshener, and another time when he asked if I'd made pancakes or something(after I'd been vaping some Dats Vaper French Toast). In both cases he'd wandered nearby where I'd been vaping. I'd never gotten comments from her at all because I went out of my way not to vape near her because I know she has an extremely acute sense of smell and it might bother her, and until the other night it never had.

Okay, vent over, but it was good to get that off my chest. Much sympathy for and empathy with the OP.

 

[IVapus]

Got interrupted in the middle of posting. I see you guys have managed to work it out. Great news! I hope I will be that lucky.

 

[316lvm]

Oh, IVapus, I feel for you!!!! What is it with our spouses? I don't understand it.

They're not happy when you smoke, not happy when you quit and not happy when you vape.

I'm beginning to think that our spouses are afraid of changes that we make. They might be afraid that this is the first step in our changing for the better and that it will lead to them being left behind. Kind of when a spouse loses weight and the other spouse is afraid that they will be left. So, the sabbotaging begins, "how about a piece of pie," or "that outfit makes you look cheap" etc.

On the flip side, I think your son is a doll. He understands and is cheering you on. Think about him. I didn't think about mine today. He's 12 and when he saw me smoking, it just about killed him. He's spending the night at Grandpa's because he's so upset.

I pray that your wife comes around. If not, don't give up, and keep doing what you're doing. If she doesn't care, I do. So do many people here on ECF. WE CARE. We have to stick together and help each other.

Sending lots of good vibes your way.

 

[Shai]

316lvm,

Herb, yeah, I can understand his concern then. Honestly, a lot of mods look like paraphernalia. If that's what you two do as well then I would suggest a bit more inconspicuous vaping or not having herb on you so much. It only takes probable cause to get searched. Honestly, I'm glad I don't do that any more for several reason but mainly, just being paranoid all the time. It's liberating not having that hanging over you. You two should probably compromise: less herb more inconspicuous vaping.

Get a white eGo. It vapes really nice with a good atty, I bet even better with a LR atty. If a cop does question you about it, psychologically white in a more positive color than any other and will serve to subconsciously subdue a cop's concerns as well as presenting a more plausible guise of a nicotine replacement therapy device. But, then, they do have their off days and sometimes enjoy taking it out on the little folk.

 

[316lvm]

Hey Shai -

I don't - allergic to the stuff. Throat starts to close up, lips swell up, hives in the mouth and on the body. Such a pretty sight.

He says he's not paranoid, and he shouldn't be because it doesn't leave the house. However, my Mom always said, "What you speak, you've already thought about." Maybe guilt is more like it. Maybe envy.

Either way, like my therapist said, "What someone says and does says more about them than it does about you." Seems I forgot that today.

 

[SuZamme]

When I had this disrespect thrown my way at home when I first started vaping, I also started a thread here on ECF.
The wisdom of many really helped me get back in my own power and not that of a victim.
I share this thread and all the ECF wisdom-speakers that contributed to it.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/general-e-smoking-discussion/52170-dont-do-house.html

May you remained resolved to do what is best for you and not let others agenda change your course.
Vape On!!!!

 

[sanfordf]

Anyone that truly cares about you can (eventually), truly understand it's about saving your life. And that supercedes all argument.

 

[316lvm]

When I had this disrespect thrown my way at home when I first started vaping, I also started a thread here on ECF.
The wisdom of many really helped me get back in my own power and not that of a victim.
I share this thread and all the ECF wisdom-speakers that contributed to it.

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/general-e-smoking-discussion/52170-dont-do-house.html

May you remained resolved to do what is best for you and not let others agenda change your course.
Vape On!!!!

Thank you for reminding me of your thread. I went back and read it. Surprisingly, I had posted to you in regards to your situation. And now, I have taken my own advise as well as everyone who has posted.

Hubby said he said all those things jokingly. I replied to him that jokes shouldn't hurt. I told him his "jokes" hurt me deeply. Now, he has to figure out for himself what is going on in his head.

I may have taken a step back today, but I feel in the long run, with the support of everyone, that I've taken 5 steps forward.

I've realized that quitting smoking was the last thing I needed to do to stop my dance with death, and truly embrace living.

BTW - did you get your situation resolved? It sounds like you did and I'm happy for you!

Anyone that truly cares about you can truly understand it's about saving your life. And that supercedes all argument.

Well said!!!

CaptJay responded to SuZamme "Compromise is fine, control is not."

 

[VaporMadness]

316lvm ~ Oh, Boy, that sounds familiar.
I finally told my H ~ either help me out, defend me, or SHUT UP!
Whose side are you on, mine, or 'somebody' who may see me 'using'
and ask questions, or actually talk to me about it. Must say, he hasn't been so darned red-necked around me, doesn't mean he still doesn't do it out of my ear shot.
I may well vape the rest of my life. I am not going to kill myself. My ADD tells me I'm doing quite well at 12mg juice, and I know I can go down to 6mg/ml, the the difference in the nicotine (which is tiny) is very apparent....my memory recall, my general awareness and brain function is better at 12mg. So I'm going to stick with it! This has been a problem of mine all my life, and self appreciation is just plain hard work!! I do have many redeeming qualities, and I expect so do you!!
You apparently have a self-destruct just like mine, I just don't talk about A LOT rather than subject myself to having to defend myself all the time. That is abusive, don't fall for that control-freak methodology.
You are what you are, everyone else be damned! Sometimes the only defensive strategy available is to get madder than they are, and voice it loudly. Pick your battles, but never forsake yourself, or you're sunk. Be your own best friend, no one else knows you better.
Sorry, that made me rant. By the way, My husband stopped smoking when I did. He still chews, and that's fine! Now just leave me to my method, I love it! I told him I would give up my PV if he gave up his chew. He didn't answer me. Silence is Golden!

Big +1 (million)

edit:

Hubby has apologized and has promised not to say anything about my vaping. He says he is proud of how I quit and wants me to stay off the cigs.

I didn't get far enough along in the thread prior to replying to see that you come to a better understanding and all that. Good for you and happy vaping!

 

[kj4lxw]

Wow...
After reading all these posts I feel like I may have stumbled upon a support group here at ECF that I can actually be honest with about myself and get some sound advice and hugs.

To be honest, I haven't told my wife I started vaping. Haven't even dscussed it with her at all!
Just went and did it. She arbores mt smoking, been on my ... to stop for a long time now, blaming all kinds of problems on my smoking. I'll be honest we have our issues at home.

I figured I would wait till I was smoke free for a week or two before telling her. Want to explain to her all I've learned and the benefits of vaping over smoking. But I know what will happen, it will be don't do it around our child (which I don't, she's 7 and thinks I don't smoke), it's still smoking, blah-blah-blah, money-money-money.

I never looked at it before, but the post above exercising their control over you is kind of opening my eyes. Sometimes I feel like my job is to be the punching bag and its getting old.
I too have been vaping inside when all are asleep, she hasn't said crap. I do it before she gets home, sometimes minutes before she walks in. I can see the breathing/guilt trip angle coming as she has breathing issues and my daughter also, though mild. Thats one of her arguments, my second and third hand smoke is affecting my child and I'm ignorant for not quitting for her health.

316lvm, so glad he apologized. Sounds to me like seeing you smoke may have gave him a realization about his actions. Sorry for hijacking. But you guys just got me to say things publicly that I have kept inside for years.

I think there is alot more to quitting smoking fr some than others. It also means addressing issues in your life that led to a dependency. A dependency that has alot of guilt associated with it, making it that much more complicated to deal with all the issues surrounding one's life.

 

[IVapus]

deleted double post

 

[IVapus]

Oh, IVapus, I feel for you!!!! What is it with our spouses? I don't understand it.

They're not happy when you smoke, not happy when you quit and not happy when you vape.

I'm beginning to think that our spouses are afraid of changes that we make. They might be afraid that this is the first step in our changing for the better and that it will lead to them being left behind. Kind of when a spouse loses weight and the other spouse is afraid that they will be left. So, the sabbotaging begins, "how about a piece of pie," or "that outfit makes you look cheap" etc.

On the flip side, I think your son is a doll. He understands and is cheering you on. Think about him. I didn't think about mine today. He's 12 and when he saw me smoking, it just about killed him. He's spending the night at Grandpa's because he's so upset.

I pray that your wife comes around. If not, don't give up, and keep doing what you're doing. If she doesn't care, I do. So do many people here on ECF. WE CARE. We have to stick together and help each other.

Sending lots of good vibes your way.

Thanks for the well wishes. I do think you're onto something regarding the fear factor. There was definitely fear in her eyes when she freaked on me the other night. She hated my smoking, and rode my ... about it for the better part of 25 years(prior to which we both smoked), but it was the devil she knew and understood after all. Thanks for allowing me to vent all over your thread.

 

[IVapus]

Wow...
After reading all these posts I feel like I may have stumbled upon a support group here at ECF that I can actually be honest with about myself and get some sound advice and hugs.

I think a permanent forum area for support with spousal, SO, or family challenges related to vaping would be a great idea. Maybe there is one already but I haven't noticed it if there is.

To be honest, I haven't told my wife I started vaping. Haven't even dscussed it with her at all!
Just went and did it. She arbores mt smoking, been on my ... to stop for a long time now, blaming all kinds of problems on my smoking. I'll be honest we have our issues at home.

I figured I would wait till I was smoke free for a week or two before telling her. Want to explain to her all I've learned and the benefits of vaping over smoking. But I know what will happen, it will be don't do it around our child (which I don't, she's 7 and thinks I don't smoke), it's still smoking, blah-blah-blah, money-money-money.

Dude, I'm right there with you. I kept quiet about it as for as long as I could, but eventually she wanted to know what all the packages were that I was suddenly getting(she's at home, I'm at work when the mail gets here), so I told her, but didn't share a whole lot about my intentions except to say I was just checking them out. I had done a lot of research on e-cigs and had a feeling they just might work, and I was hopeful, and really wanted it to work. I knew that one sure fire way to fail was to tell her what my hopes and dreams were, and have her "help" me by riding my ... the whole way and trying to micromanage the process. For example, before I started I had certain goals in mind: 1) gradually get of cigarettes, 2) save money, 3) gradually get off nicotine and 4) quit altogether(smoking or vaping). Within a few days I realized that the importance of 2, 3 and 4 paled in comparison to 1, and obsessing about them could result in my failing to achieve 1, rendering the whole thing a failure. As a result I reassessed my goals and priorities regarding vaping and resolved to just focus on getting off analogs to begin with and nothing else. If I had gotten her involved at the outset, she would have wanted to help me count the analogs I was smoking, track my analog vs. e-cig spending, set a schedule for phasing out nicotine, and on and on. At the very least she would be asking me every day, or every few days how I was tracking to plan. Basically she would be offering to help support me in any and every aspect of the venture,... except for relieving stress of course(not part of her duties as my personal Project Manager). But I digress.

Quitting smoking is something I need to do for myself, and which I'm determined to succeed at this time. I don't want to allow interference from others, no matter how well meaning, to get in my way and cause me to fail. The end.

 

[Kate51]

kj4lxw, this is support group on steroids!!!
We all have issues, and in a way this place does seem to bring about a kind of honesty that is so wonderful! The people in our lives we should be the most trusting with are the ones we end of having to be careful with. We do all have to maintain a 'space' around us that is safe.
What is that old saying (I love those!)
Familiarity breeds contempt! That's it. We all have an issue or two, sometimes just not that easily resolved. So we keep them to ourselves, maybe more than we should.
But that's kind of the way of things, in a couple situation one is a little more sensible or sensitive, the other is top dog, so always a little tug of war going on...I'm a Pisces, so I know!
Sometimes we go on rants!! Let off some steam, then the next post will be maybe even a little amusing.....I didn't tell my husband for three days after I paid $80 for an ecig...it was working, I had my last cigarette the first day, while my battery was charging! It was awful.
Wasn't all easy, there is a BIG learning curve, but this is one time you must have some understanding with your family, support, don't push, because this is something you have to do on your own, no bossing acceptable. You're going to be dealing with a lot of issues, the number one is to get through the withdrawal as gracefully as possilbe. I was starving and on high energy for a couple months, but it passed. So stay out of the fridge, get plenty of liquids (ecigs are very drying) do lots of walking and deep breathing, and if you run into trouble yell for help!
My signature is key for me.

 

[Israfil]

I think a permanent forum area for support with spousal, SO, or family challenges related to vaping would be a great idea. Maybe there is one already but I haven't noticed it if there is.

Noo! no more forum splits..... There are already too many for anyone to keep track of. Some of these forums are virtually unused, and questions asked in them go unanswered for fairly long periods. Sorry...had to get that off my chest.

Kj, (hope you don't mind, not sure how to pronounce your handle) I feel ya man. I quit smoking via chantix before I started vaping. It even worked for a while, but when the pills ran out I wanted my nic sticks. I spent months hiding the fact that I had started smoking again from my family, only my closest friends and my cousin knew. To this day noone I know IRL other than them knows of those dark days.

Once I got my ecig I spent months in the dark, not letting my mom or anyone outside of those in the know see me do it. Eventually I was on the way home from a car trip with my mother to visit family out in California and needed some nicotine, right there I did the big reveal. I had been talking up the concept of ecigs and had "considered getting one so my friend ken could quit too" previously that month. I guess she was just so well versed on the concept via my friend the scapegoat that she accepted that I couldn't handle being without my nic.

If you paint them in the best possible light beforehand, then come at it from a direction of.."I couldn't go without anymore, these let me have it without any harm being done" they'll have a hard time raising a fuss.

Another thing, noone but a smoker could hope to understand what it's like to try to quit nicotine. The ease of use and complete legality of cigarettes make them, in my opinion, the most dangerous addictive substance. (completely my opinion, although I've read that some scientists concur on its addictive properties)

Oh, and Kate, totally agree! This place is the best support group anywhere!

 

[IVapus]

Noo! no more forum splits..... There are already too many for anyone to keep track of. Some of these forums are virtually unused, and questions asked in them go unanswered for fairly long periods. Sorry...had to get that off my chest.

LOL. You're quite right, and I hereby withdraw the idea. I went looking out of curiosity and was surprised at the nooks and crannies of specialized areas I found that seem like good ideas, and would probably draw traffic if folks knew they were there, but have long since been overgrown by weeds.

 

[316lvm]

Wow - didn't realize that there were a lot more people in the same boat.

With the e-cig issue, I had a family discussion regarding it.
I explained to my husband and son that this just might be the way for me to quit (2 pack a day smoker for 28 years), save money, and be a healthier family (my son has asthma).

It has been and still is a learning experience for all of us. The whole family is going through this with me. In the beginning it was irritating - "how many cigs did you smoke today? have you quit yet? what else are you getting? Why?"

Reflecting on what happened yesterday, I can begin to understand why some of the comments were made. Yes, I have been vaping like a steam engine lately. I've gone from 24mg nic down to 6mg when I need a kick, but mostly vaping between 3mg - 0mg juice. Honestly, I think I'm vaping now because I enjoy the flavors.

One thing is certain, all of us made the change to vaping to save ourselves, and nothing should deter us from that goal.

 

[Shai]

Well 2 out of 3 ain't bad. Save money....buahahahaha.