So this skeleton walks into a bar

[Mac]

He walks across the room leans over the bar and says:



///////////////////////




///////////////////////



/////////////////////////


Let me get a beer and a mop!

 

[jdg]

I love bad joke threads! I posted a Chuck Norris one you might find amusing. It's a few pages back now, I'm sure.

 

[Elendil]

So Bill Clinton walks into a bar with a pig.

The bartender says "You can't bring that ... in here"

Clinton says "It's not an ..., it's a pig"

and the bartender says "I was talking to the pig"

 

[olderthandirt]

Pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel stuck in the front of his pants.

Bartender sez "Whats with the ships wheel in the front of your pants?"


Pirate sez "Aaaarrrgghhh, it's drivin' me nuts"




Elendil, if there ever was a favorite single line of prose for me this is it
Not all those who wander are lost

 

[Elendil]

Elendil, if there ever was a favorite single line of prose for me this is it
Not all those who wander are lost

That Tolkien could really turn a phrase...........

 

[SilverBear]

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A Default Sans Serif walks into a bar.

.
.
.

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!" [/FONT]

 

[Oggy]

What did the Banana say to the Vibrator?



What are you shaking for, shes going to EAT ME.

 

[SilverBear]

So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

 

[SilverBear]

A magician was walking down the street and turned into a bar...

 

[gnsmith]

Q: What is the most dangerous thing in Washington D.C.?

A: An intern with a chipped tooth.

 

[gnsmith]

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

 

[Rhetoric Camel]

A priest a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

[jdg]

Elendil, if there ever was a favorite single line of prose for me this is it
Not all those who wander are lost

Sorry olderthandirt, just have to point out that "Not all those who wander are lost" is a line of poetry, and not of prose. The English major in me says that the distinction is important. And I always thought I'd never use my degree...

 

[olderthandirt]

Sorry olderthandirt, just have to point out that "Not all those who wander are lost" is a line of poetry, and not of prose. The English major in me says that the distinction is important. And I always thought I'd never use my degree...

Hate it when that happens!

How many ways to respond?

Only thing that comes to my pedestrian mind....

j/k

 

[nicotime]

Thoughts to Ponder For 2010



Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich .

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the Internet and
they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when
you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00,
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


And The Number 1 Thought For 2010


"Life is like a jar of Jalapeño peppers;
What you do today, might Burn Your ... Tomorrow"

 

[mr quackums]

a baby seal walks into a club...

 

[xdunlapx]

Sorry olderthandirt, just have to point out that "Not all those who wander are lost" is a line of poetry, and not of prose. The English major in me says that the distinction is important. And I always thought I'd never use my degree...

LOL Love it.

 

[Paranoyed]

Why do blondes wear hoop earings



They need somewhere to put their ankles during sex

 

[Paranoyed]

Three women walking on the beach find a magic lamp. The genie offers to grant each one of them 1 wish. The blonde wishes to be 20% smarter so the genie says granted you are a redhead. The redhead wishes to be 40% smarter so he says granted you are a brunette. The brunette wishes to be 80% smarter so he says granted you are a man.

 

[Paranoyed]

Why do women have a hard time judging distance?

Because their whole life they have been told this (_________________) is twelve inches.