So this skeleton walks into a bar
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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, insomniac and agnostic?
A guy who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
A guy who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
A ham sandwich walks into the bar, the bartender says "I'm sorry we don't serve food here."
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, I
haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” says the pirate. “I feel fine.”
Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Bartender: “Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really”
Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them crapped in me eye.”
“You’re kidding,” says the bartender. “You lost an eye just from birdcrap?:”
Pirate: “It was me first day with the hook.”
haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” says the pirate. “I feel fine.”
Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Bartender: “Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really”
Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them crapped in me eye.”
“You’re kidding,” says the bartender. “You lost an eye just from birdcrap?:”
Pirate: “It was me first day with the hook.”
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, I
havent seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.
What do you mean? says the pirate. I feel fine.
Bartender: What about the wooden leg? You didnt have that before.
Pirate: Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but Im fine now.
Bartender: Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?
Pirate: We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. Im fine, really
Bartender: What about that eye patch?
Pirate: Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them crapped in me eye.
Youre kidding, says the bartender. You lost an eye just from birdcrap?:
Pirate: It was me first day with the hook.
havent seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.
What do you mean? says the pirate. I feel fine.
Bartender: What about the wooden leg? You didnt have that before.
Pirate: Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but Im fine now.
Bartender: Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?
Pirate: We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a
sword fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. Im fine, really
Bartender: What about that eye patch?
Pirate: Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them crapped in me eye.
Youre kidding, says the bartender. You lost an eye just from birdcrap?:
Pirate: It was me first day with the hook.
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a large Gin and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tonic.”
The bartender replies, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bartender replies, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
Why do scottish men wear kilts?
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Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!
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Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!
My wife's favorite joke:
Q. What do you call a woman that works as hard as a man?
A. A lazy ....*.
Yeah, I don't get it either...
Q. What do you call a woman that works as hard as a man?
A. A lazy ....*.
Yeah, I don't get it either...
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