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As told by a little boy....
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...
Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
A: Dr. Dre
Q: Where does the general keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!
A: Dr. Dre
Q: Where does the general keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!
Tough Guy
A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl . . ."
A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl . . ."
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and ...... today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and ...... today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
What is the only thing a man brags about having the smallest one of................
.....................A cell phone
.....................A cell phone
What's the only thing that sticks so far out of a man's pajamas that you can hang a hat on it........................
...........His head.
...........His head.
What does a man do standing up and a woman do sitting down?
HINT: This is from the old Emily Post days.
HINT: This is from the old Emily Post days.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I think I'd like to be a musician."
The mother replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
The mother replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
I just found where some of the men of ECF hang out to entertain themselves!
Nudemen Clock - Francis Lam
Click on it and you will see (2) different groups.
Nudemen Clock - Francis Lam
Click on it and you will see (2) different groups.
Three guys, ones headed for the W---house, one is there, and the last is just leaving. What kind of men are they?
Answer: The first one is a Russian. Number two is a Finish. The third man is a gladiator.
Answer: The first one is a Russian. Number two is a Finish. The third man is a gladiator.
A banker, a tea party member, and a union member are sitting at a table. On the table is a plate with twelve cookies. The banker takes eleven cookies, then leans over to the tea party member and whispers in his ear: "Watch out, that union guy wants part of your cookie!"
I recently gathered a batch of drummer jokes together to email to a musician friend. You may have heard some of them before, but they're still good for a few good chuckles.
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of 4.
Q: What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A: Me neither.
Q: What do you call those people who hang around with musicians?
A: Drummers.
Q: How do you make a drummer's car go faster?
A: Take off the Domino's sign.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"
Q: How do you get a drummer off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q: What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of 4.
Q: What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A: Me neither.
Q: What do you call those people who hang around with musicians?
A: Drummers.
Q: How do you make a drummer's car go faster?
A: Take off the Domino's sign.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: "Hey, how about we try one of my songs?"
Q: How do you get a drummer off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
I caught my dog trying to pee on the carpet today. When I yelled at her, she stopped immediately, only to have my big tom cat smack her. I think she learned her lesson.
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your
rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster. '
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren.'
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your
rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster. '
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren.'
Religious differences...
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?"
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?
The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?"
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