Valley View Vapes - Win a FREE Polypropylene Tank

[RayN]

Hi Everyone and Welcome to Valley View Vapes!​

Weekly Contest Number 12

This weeks contest tell me a joke!
Post a joke, please keep it within TOS
Joke must be original. (At least as far as the thread goes)
Can't think of a joke? Google is your friend.
Just be sure to number your entries and not make back to back posts.
Winner will receive a free polypropylene tank of their choice (or a $10 store gift certificate if they prefer).

​

Additional prizes MAY be awarded.
Note: International Customers are welcome to participate, but will only be awarded a gift certificate and not a free tank.

Rules:
Your entry posts MUST start with a number. (1,2 or 3 etc.) Please number your posts by day. (1-5 not 1-25)
The post must have substance though. Posts such as entry, or "count me in" etc will be ineligible for prizes
Only your 5 (per day) entry posts will be eligible for the prize drawing.
Un-numbered posts will be considered "Chit Chat" and not eligible for the prize.
Back to Back posting is NOT allowed for this contest.

Winner will be chosen by random number generation, based on the post number.

Contest will end Friday Night at Midnight Central time. Winner will be announced at the end of this thread.

Last Weeks Winner: xxpiccxx

 

[Jenavieves]

1. Good Morning! I am getting the house ready for my son's Birthday! Who wants to come help me clean?

Editing to add a real joke...

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''

 

[axolotly]

1. Good morning. This whole Saturday thing is radical.

 

[RayN]

My contests are different every week. For your posts to count as an entry, you need to read the above rules.

 

[axolotly]

My contests are different every week. For your posts to count as an entry, you need to read the above rules.

1. How many vapers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

 

[440BB]

1)

Two proctologists are discussing their most baffling cases. One proctologist
tells the other one about the time he put his hand into a patient and pulled out
a large bouquet of flowers. The other proctologist looked really amazed and
asked, "Where did those flowers come from?" The other proctologist answered
very cooly, "How should I know. There wasn't any card!!"

 

[440BB]

Nevermind!

 

[440BB]

Oops! Good luck everybody!

 

[axolotly]

3)

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."

"Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"

"Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.

"Hm. Well, where do you catch'em?"

"Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."

"Same here. Hm. How do you catch'em?"

"Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"

"Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothin' left but lips and a briefcase."

Not that I'm a champ at reading the rules, but I'd hate to see your posts not qualify!

"Back to Back posting is NOT allowed for this contest." - from RayN

 

[440BB]

2)

In the church bulletin - Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

 

[lettucehead]

1)

Q: Why don't aliens eat clowns.
A: Because they taste funny.


Congrats to xxpicxx!
Thank you to VVV and RayN for the fun game and opportunity to keep up with the VVV crew!

 

[glassmanoak]

Not that I'm a champ at reading the rules, but I'd hate to see your posts not qualify!

"Back to Back posting is NOT allowed for this contest." - from RayN

1
then put in your number, LOL

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderware!
UGH!

 

[Lint]

1. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already

 

[axolotly]

1
then put in your number, LOL

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderware!
UGH!

I'm waiting for someone to ask "how many" to my first joke!

 

[glassmanoak]

2.
Why did the ram go off the end of the cliff?
Because he didn't see the ewe turn.

I like that one, Lint

How many,ax?

 

[axolotly]

How many,ax?

Oh, so you want to know how many vapers it takes to screw in a light bulb?



















Zero:

We are all too busy screwing on our Valley View Vapes Polypro-Tanks

 

[glassmanoak]

3

Hear about the two peanuts that walked through central park?
One was a-salted.

Come on, ax. Be a good boy and number your posts.

 

[mogium]

#1 the best joke I can think of is that big pharm companies are trying to say that ecigs are just as damaging to your lungs as cigarettes, Now that is a joke

 

[lettucehead]

2)

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh


This is to axolotly:

 

[mogium]

#2
Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"