Vapors Choice Lounge 2

[whodat2112]

One night, I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Steven Wright

 

[jj2]

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together. Oprah Winfrey

 

[FranC]

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
Robert Pirsig

 

[whodat2112]

I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Granted, it takes longer.

Steven Wright

 

[FranC]

"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better."
- A. J. Liebling

 

[jj2]

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away. Tom Waits

 

[whodat2112]

I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Steven Wright

 

[FranC]

"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
Saint Augustine

 

[~Sue~Feb2012]

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

 

[whodat2112]

I got up the other day and everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.
I asked my roommate if he noticed and he replied "who are you"?

Steven Wright

 

[jj2]

“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”
― Jarod Kintz, I Want

 

[FranC]

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
- Albert Einstein

 

[whodat2112]

One time I went to a museum where all the work was done by children. They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

Steven Wright

 

[FranC]

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein

 

[whodat2112]

One time I went to the drive-in in a cab. Movie cost me $95.

Steven Wright

 

[jj2]

“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.”
― Jarod Kintz

 

[FranC]

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill

 

[jj2]

“Love is what you make it. Unfortunately, I can’t make it today, as I have a doctor’s appointment.”
― Jarod Kintz

 

[whodat2112]

I went into a place to eat, it said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Steven Wright

 

[JoanJ]

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.