What do I say?

[Myk]

Worst thing to ever tell a teen IMHO. That is what you say but what they hear is: "I have no valid reason for this rule". The rules with "Because" as a reason are the first ones broken when you aren't looking.

I think sometimes when people have kids the part of their brain that was once a kid must die off and when challenged they fall back to thinking "by god it was good enough for me".
I'm reading along thinking, "Seriously? 'Because I said so.'? Did that ever work on anyone?"

 

[ScottP]

I think sometimes when people have kids the part of their brain that was once a kid must die off and when challenged they fall back to thinking "by god it was good enough for me".
I'm reading along thinking, "Seriously? 'Because I said so.'? Did that ever work on anyone?"

Maybe I somehow held on to my inner child. I know for a fact when my parents said "because", I always said to myself "just what I thought, another stupid pointless rule" and I then looked for the first opportunity to break said rule....just "because".

 

[RosaJ]

I allow my 13yr old daughter to have a "boyfriend" at school. She is not allowed to actually "date". I have also told her what the "rules of engagement" are and that the consequence of breaking any of those rules will result in her not being allowed to date until 18. Since I have a history of keeping my promises both the good and the punishment, she KNOWS I am not kidding. I also tell all of her boyfriends that I will remove any part of them that touches any part of her that I don't approve of...and I only approve of holding hands at this point. So far this combo has been quite effective.

I love it!

 

[jimrug1]

Kids are surely smarter these days than we are. That is not to say they know what is in there best interest. Sometimes they have to trust your judgement. Just because you can not satisfy their inquisitiveness does not mean you are wrong or a hypocrite. I treat vaping with my kids like smoking cigs or drinking. When you are 18 and or out of my house (and my wallet) you can do whatever you want. Until then, you will follow the rules I set down and trust that I have your best interest at heart. Does that mean they wont sneak out and do it anyway. NO!! I used to sneek my moms cigs at the bus stop. But at least they know you do not condone it. And, if you explain it well enough, they will know why.

If you let kids make their own decisions, they would eat hot dogs and pizza every night and wash it down with cookie dough ice cream... ;-)~

 

[Myk]

If you let kids make their own decisions, they would eat hot dogs and pizza every night and wash it down with cookie dough ice cream... ;-)~

What's that say about me?

 

[jimrug1]

What's that say about me?

Hmmmmm well I guess it says you are a kid at heart like me ... I love hot dogs, pizza and cookie dough ice cream... ;-
0
`

 

[FinallyQuit]

I think rules that start with the word "because" and end with the words "I said so" really made me search for a way to break that rule and not get caught. Hey, didn't I say this earlier in another thread?

There are some things that I will rationalize with my daughter, sex is not one of them. You will NOT have sex until you are 18. There are no exceptions to this rule. This is non-negotiable. She stared me straight in my eye and said, "Is that what you did?" I could answer honestly yes. If I had to answer no, I would still have answered yes. Some things are better left unsaid. . .

I will explain you cannot go to your friend's house today when she wails WHY? Because I have to work, it is not convenient for me to get you there and pick you up at reasonable times, choose another day. We do compromise on a lot of rules around here. She wanted to start shaving and wearing makeup at a younger age than I was allowed to. After opening up a dialogue with her, I was persuaded to see her side, and did bend my rule a little.

This is the important question: Is this a hill to die on? Will you stand on this hill and defend it with everything you have? Will you bend on this? Be strong, make sure she understands how you will never change your mind on this, you have already explained all the reasons. Because I said so sounds weak, but "because of all the reasons I gave you in the conversation we had yesterday" and don't list them again. Brook no arguments.

Good luck, I would like to say it gets better, but so far it hasn't for me. I have a lot of grey hair.

 

[Butters78]

Do as I say not as I do.

 

[Butters78]

We all did some "bad" things when we were teens. All a part of growing up.

 

[Faylool]

Basically the argument that she must be 18 should be it. If she chooses to go behind your back oh we'll. No biggy. If you really don't want her vaping LE t her try yours when it's set up poorly...gurgle, juice in mouth, use yucky flavor robe sure she gets a burned carto gunk hit ha ha. Kinda joking but if you make a big deal out of it it will be a big deal to her. 13 ewe...it gets worse! Or not. Just saying kids will try stuff and the consequences to their choices are exactly what will define them as adults. You've got to ,et them explore before turning 18 because after 18 Juvenal hall or jail or 28 year old acting out like a teenager. Have fun. Read about raising teens. Be adaptable to her or his personality. Let her be right when she's/ he is right but remind her choices and consequences are hers. That you are not responsible for bad choices she might make behind your back

 

[chellemmm]

I think sometimes in our excitement with discovering vaping, we may tend to go overboard when touting it to others. Kids hear things and digest them in their own ways. So while we are touting how wonderful vaping is, how we can vape "everywhere" and blow it in everyone's face, etc., we forget that there are impressionable minds that are listening...

I agree with the poster who said to sit down with your daughter and explain exactly how nasty the cigarette smoking was, how addictive and unhealthy, etc. and that in your ZEAL to quit smoking, you may have extolled the virtues of vaping. Explain to her that it is merely a very effective tool that got you to quit smoking, and that if she does not have the cigarette habit, there is no reason to pick up the vaping habit. BECAUSE YOU SAID SO. Kids need boundaries.

 

[DuffyA2Z]

You need the e-cig to quit the cancer sticks because you love your daughter ...just because e-cigs are much, much safer than cancer sticks doesn't mean it's a habit that should be picked up by her or any other non-smoker. OR you can't because I'm your parent and I friggin said so!

 

[razor4432]

There's really good advice on how to handle the situation in here. I'm a little young (25) and don't have any ground to give advice on but I will say after a cousin of mine overdosed on ..... when I was 17 or so my parents sat my brother and I down and told us, "We've raised y'all to know right from wrong but in the end we can't control your decisions. Whatever decision YOU make YOU have to deal with the consequences. Let this be an example to you."

Silly, stupid me at 19 was puffing away like a freight train at a pack to pack and a half a day and I have a Grandmother who died from smoking related lung cancer

 

[SharonMM]

Yes, she definitely understands that I am using ecigs as a tool to quit smoking. She has always wanted me to quit, and she has watched me try and fail at it many many times.

And I have expressed to her, that I (used to) smoke for only one reason.. because I am addicted to it. I made a big mistake when I was younger, her age actually, and I have been paying for it dearly ever since. I know I've lost friends, opportunities and possibilty even jobs because of this major faux pas of a habit. Not to mention the money I've blown... or worse, how many years of my life I've shaved off.

If I didn't know any better, I'd almost think she is challenging the validity of my testimony about ecigs in a round about kind of way.... Like if they're so safe and all, then why won't you let me try them? Do you even mean what you're saying? And she makes a good point, gotta give her that.

Lucky for me though, despite my poor example setting, I'm pretty confident that she will never smoke. She's literally disgusted by it, and was disgusted with me for doing it. Can't blame her for that, I guess I was kinda disgusted with myself for doing too.

We have a busy summer ahead of us, and she runs with a nice group of kids... She gets easily distracted like I do, so hopefully I can stave off some of these difficult questions for a while.

I really appreciate all of the thoughtful responses... a lot to digest...

Parenting can be a tough racket hey?

 

[E Dub]

My son has never been a smoker. However when he visits he likes to vape. He says he likes the taste. Better than hooka he says. I believe vaping will introduce nicotine to people who would normally never smoke a cigarette. Problematic. God send for those addicted to smoking. Potential problem for others. As for your daughter tell her no. Its best not to put anything in your lungs.

 

[ScottP]

... or worse, how many years of my life I've shaved off.

Well the good news is that it at least shaves those years off of the end when you will probably be sitting around a nursing home in diapers anyway, wondering where you are, how you got there, and who all of those strange people are.

 

[jpargana]

Well, this may be a tough one... anyway, I believe there are two things to adress:

1) I have no doubt, looking at the several studies already made, that vaping is safER than smoking... however, is it actually safE? Unlike smoking, we still lack long-term studies about vaping. Starting a new addiction is very different from switching to a safer one.

2) As we all know, cigarette addiction is so much more than simply a chemical one. (Just look at the 10% rate of sucess of the patch and gum). There's also the behavioural side to adress (That's the reason why e-cigarettes are so much effective, IMHO). So, even with zero nic, your daughter would still pick up an addiction. Only a behavioural one, but still... why do it? If she suddenly picked the habit of chewing her plastic pens, would you encourage her?

And of course, there's the other side of the coin: I myself started smoking when I was fifteen... on my parent's back, of course. My own daughter is also fifteen. She has seen me both smoking, and then vaping for the last four years. I explained to her that smoking is awful (and that's why I made the change, because I was unable to quit otherwise), but vaping is also not to be taken lightly... it is just safer. Anyway, if she decided to pick an addiction on my back (We have all been fiteen-year olds, right? ), I would surely rather discover that she has been vaping, not smoking.

Just my 2 cents... as stated before, there's not an easy answer...

 

[Orobas]

Worst thing to ever tell a teen IMHO. That is what you say but what they hear is: "I have no valid reason for this rule". The rules with "Because" as a reason are the first ones broken when you aren't looking.

I already said there's no way to win anyway. lol

 

[317Vapers]

Good ol fashion because I'm the boss and until your 18 I say what goes but then she'll do it behind your back to despise you. My dad was always the, I'd rather you do it in front of me then behind my back getting in trouble, type guy which I have never gotten in major trouble, no jail, never used drugs etc.. But I did start smoking at 15 and it started with taking his ciggs out of the ashtray (how nasty was that, although they would only take like 3 puffs and put it out, there was still a whole cigg left lol)

 

[Barbara21]

My son has never been a smoker. However when he visits he likes to vape. He says he likes the taste. Better than hooka he says. I believe vaping will introduce nicotine to people who would normally never smoke a cigarette.

I've thought about this. But I don't think it will work this way. With cigarettes, if I wanted to start smoking (to be 'cool' or whatever), I had to actually smoke real cigarettes. With vamping, they don't need to smoke juice with nicotine in it to get the same experience. Seriously, no one can tell if you're vaping 0% or 24% juice (without some sort of test).

So why would a prospective vaper choose to use an ejuice with nicotine? It's tasteless, so that can't be why. It's expensive (compared to the other ingredients of ejuice). And they can get the exact same 'experience' without it.