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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?."
Two girls were discussing their heavy smoking habits. "I get such a yen for a cigarette," said one, "that the only effective countermeasure is to pop a Life Saver into my mouth and suck hard." "That's fine for you," huffed her friend, "but I don't happen to live in a house that's right on the beach!"
We're almost there~!!!!!
We're almost there~!!!!!
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
And Now we are downto 14 left
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
And Now we are downto 14 left
Ok my last joke is a doozie. First off i will warn you all. If you cant take a joke for what its worth you might want to skip to the following joke. I am in no way putting anyone with disabilities down. My wife is disabled herself. /end Disclaimer
/start joke
Q: Whats better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being ......ed!
Told ya it was a bit rough. George Carlin was my favorite comedian so i like my humor rough at times. Funny is funny, its the intent that matters.
/start joke
Q: Whats better than winning the gold medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being ......ed!
Told ya it was a bit rough. George Carlin was my favorite comedian so i like my humor rough at times. Funny is funny, its the intent that matters.
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days. "Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her."
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go." "Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?" "That you kill me first."
The End is Near!!!
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with
fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on
fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has
eliminated virtually all our visibility."
The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a
semi-retired minister..."Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said.
"Let`s all bow our heads and pray."
Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except
one fellow near the back.
"Why aren`t you bowing your head to pray?" the minister
asked.
"Well, I don`t know how to pray," replied the passenger.
"Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well
meaning passenger.
So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat.
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with
fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on
fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has
eliminated virtually all our visibility."
The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a
semi-retired minister..."Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said.
"Let`s all bow our heads and pray."
Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except
one fellow near the back.
"Why aren`t you bowing your head to pray?" the minister
asked.
"Well, I don`t know how to pray," replied the passenger.
"Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well
meaning passenger.
So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat.
Time to get in one last joke... 
Two men walked into a bar.
The third one ducked.
Two men walked into a bar.
The third one ducked.
Good Luck Everyone!!!
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Good Luck All!!!
Good Luck All!!!
A little boy wakes up when he hears thumping sounds coming from his parents room. One morning he says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
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