Recently, graduated young lawyer moved back to his small home town hoping to be a big fish in a small town. He started his law office in a newly constructed office building. In the beginning, he had no clients so when he saw anyone coming towards his office he pretended that he was on a important phone call. On a nice Monday morning he saw a man approaching his office and he thought he could easily impress the man and get some business. When the man came to the close hearing range he started talking on the phone: No Way, I will be taking your offer. You tell those clowns in L.A. that my client will not settle the case in less than 500 thousand. He was on the phone for 5 minutes before he ended the call. Then he turned his chair around to greet the guy who was patiently standing and said: How can I help you? The man replied: Im from the phone company. I am here to hook up your phone connection!
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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window wehn having fun?
He heard that time flies when you're having fun!
Thanks GH1 for the contest!
He heard that time flies when you're having fun!
Thanks GH1 for the contest!
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
The one on the range.
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors. "If car technology had kept pace with computer technology over the last few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $500." "Sure," says the GM chairman. "But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
When the Smith family moved into their new house, a visiting grandparent asked five-year-old Tommy how he liked the new place.
“It’s great,” he said. “I have my own room Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad.”
“It’s great,” he said. “I have my own room Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad.”
Little Susie, a six year old , complained:"Mother, I've got a stomach ache."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
"That's because our stomach is empty", the mother replied. "You would feel better if you had something in it."
That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.
Susie perked up: " That's because it's empty", she said. "You'd feel better if you had something in it."
A banker, a lawyer, a teen boy and a priest were on a small plane from Hawaii. Suddenly, the plane developed major engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they better jump, and jumped off. Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The banker grabbed one and said "I'm a banker on wall street, I trade millions of dollars junk bonds, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace." The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'wall street banker' just jumped off with my back pack."
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Glad to be drunk
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
5 Presidents On A Plane
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane.
I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
EDIT: That makes 316 post - Only 684 till someone is able to WIN the Fabulous "31 Flavors" Prize from GreenhouseOne.com . . . YEA ! ! ! !
EDIT: That makes 316 post - Only 684 till someone is able to WIN the Fabulous "31 Flavors" Prize from GreenhouseOne.com . . . YEA ! ! ! !
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FACT: Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Everyone should shop at Greenhouse One because they have the lowest prices and same day shipping. 
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Mickey goes to the judge after speaking to him before about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce for being insane. Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy
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