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A Smile for you

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WOW

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May 14, 2010
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I don't write this stuff I just copy and paste! I am 59 so not younger then you! I do remember buying my kids their first atari, the only game out yet was PONG!

Lol! Maybe I just feel older than you cause I don't know what PONG is either, lol! We never had ANY electronic games. You wanted to play, go find a bat and a ball or walk to the park and climb the monkey bars. We had to move and if we didn't want to...like you said....chores....inside.

I'm not surprised so many kids are truly, morbidly obese. I think technology is a horrible thing - for them.

For us...we know better. ; -)
 
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Fudgey

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Feb 22, 2010
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Oklahoma
I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired? Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch , and margaritas into urine.

That sounds like a good retirement plan :lol::lol::lol:
 

Mary Kay

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ECF Veteran
Apr 3, 2009
12,873
2,328
West Tampa Fl.
LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.
"135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale.

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?"
"5 foot 4," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5' 2"

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, 'When I came in here I
was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac.

What a witch
 

Mary Kay

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ECF Veteran
Apr 3, 2009
12,873
2,328
West Tampa Fl.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering
to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.
Well .. .. . my job is done. Your turn!
Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend.. Just as I've done.Life may not be the party we hoped for,
But while we're here we might as well dance .
 

Mary Kay

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ECF Veteran
Apr 3, 2009
12,873
2,328
West Tampa Fl.
The older we get.....
ONE


Recently, when
I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.


'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.

'You don't?' I
replied.

'We only have six, nine, or
twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a
half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'


'That's right.'

So I shook my head and
ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but
sadly true...)


TWO


I was checking
out at the local Walmart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
'dividers' that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code
so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar
code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I
don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said
'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.


She had no clue to what had just happened.


THREE


A woman at work was seen
putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired
as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the
ATM 'thingy.'

(keep
shuddering!!)


FOUR

I recently saw a
distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She
replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I
can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would
have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't
know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.


'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'


PLEASE just lay
down before you hurt yourself !!!


FIVE

Several years ago,
we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and
said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I
do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took
her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it
on the photocopier and proceeded to make five
'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the
way!!


SIX


A mother calls 911 very
worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had
eaten ants.. The dispatcher tells her to give the
kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the
mother says, 'I just gave him some ant
killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to
emergency!'


Life is tough.
It's even tougher if you're
stupid!!!!
 

Mary Kay

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Apr 3, 2009
12,873
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West Tampa Fl.
My Brother in law sent this..he was at my 1st thankgiving with his brother and saw me all surprised when I finally found the giblets in an already cooked bird! I have yet to live that down and it's only been 34 years!
This is priceless - would love to do this.

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my
sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing
how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to
play a trick. She told my sister that she needed
something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of
the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,
and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the
turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the
turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the
stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,
she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother
exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant
bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,
my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that
turkeys lay eggs!
Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE!
 

Mary Kay

ECF Guru
ECF Veteran
Apr 3, 2009
12,873
2,328
West Tampa Fl.
A Woman's Poem
littlegirl.jpg


He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
Smacked the crap out of him...



Like his mother used to do.




******************************************

I love a good poem, don't you?!?!
[/CENTER]
 
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