A Smile for you
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2nd good belly laugh of the day. 
Boudreaux & Band-Aids (that's pronounced BOO-dro, for y'all
not familiar with Louisiana)
Boudreaux staggered home very late after another evening
with his drinking buddy, Thibodeaux. He took off his shoes to avoid
waking his wife, Clotile. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the
stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and
he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke
and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Boudreaux
sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see
that his .... cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a
full box of Band-Aids and began putting Band-Aids best he could on each
place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and
shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and
.... and Clotile staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you
Boudreaux?" Boudreaux said, "My chere, why you say such a mean ting?"
"Well," Clotile said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the
broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood
trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly,
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror."
not familiar with Louisiana)
Boudreaux staggered home very late after another evening
with his drinking buddy, Thibodeaux. He took off his shoes to avoid
waking his wife, Clotile. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the
stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and
he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke
and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Boudreaux
sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see
that his .... cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a
full box of Band-Aids and began putting Band-Aids best he could on each
place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and
shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and
.... and Clotile staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you
Boudreaux?" Boudreaux said, "My chere, why you say such a mean ting?"
"Well," Clotile said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the
broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood
trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly,
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror."
THE BLONDE MORTICIAN
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!!)
I'm not sure about the mortician one. You're right I didn't see that coming. Kinda creeped me out. 
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
'I'm ok.... But I didn't like the four letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
'Oops!'
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