Anecdotes

[wfarrar33]

Read in one of the other threads were Imeo mentioned starting a thread for jokes. Lets just fill this with stuff to get a laugh or anything interesting to kill time. i'll start with this one I read at work today......





A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

 

[imeothanasis]

hahahahahaha, that was good wfa!

But golf? He could play tennis

 

[fright88]

Two Old ladies were smoking a cigarette while waiting for a bus. When it started to rain, one of the women reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip, slipped it over the cigarettee and continued to smoke.

That’s a good idea, thought her friend, and so the next day she went into a pharmacist’s and asked for a condom.

“What size?” asked the pharmacists.

“One that will fit a Camel.”


In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol — dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke — dead.
The third worm in sperm — dead.
The fourth worm in soil — alive.

So the science teacher asked the class — “What can you learn from this experiment.”

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. “As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won’t have worms.”

 

[imeothanasis]

2 women on a field were searcing for potatoes. The one of the women suddenly finds a potato that was so huge that she couldnt hold it in her hands. And she said: wow that is like my hasband's thing. And the other asked: wow, so big? The first woman said: No, so dirty

 

[fright88]

LMAO that's great

 

[wfarrar33]

 

[Eddie.Willers]

Old Soviet joke:

An American General and a Soviet General are arguing about whose troops are the best fed. The Soviet General says proudly, "My men receive 3000 calories per day."
"That's nothing!", says the American General, "My men get 6000 calories a day!"
"Impossible!", cries the Soviet General, "No man can eat that many potatoes in 24 hours!"

 

[Eddie.Willers]

Police jokes:

Why do Police squad cars have stripes painted on the sides?
To help the cops find the door handle.

Guy walks into a bar and shouts, "Hey guys! I heard a great new cop joke!"
A man at the bar turns to him and says, "Hey! I'll have you know, I AM a policeman."
"Okay", says the first guy, "Then I'll speak v-e-e-e-e-r-y s-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-w-w-ly"

 

[imeothanasis]

, thats was good wfa

fright, hahahahaha, very nice buddy!

eddie the last one was a great one

ok, the first day in school and teacher comes to class. "good morning class" the teacher said. "good morning sir ole" the class said.
Second day the same, third day the same. The forth day totos (lets say john in english) was sick and he didnt come to class. So when the teacher went to class he said: "good morning class" and the class said "good morning sir".
Very strange the teacher said. Where is the "ole" today? I think that totos says this thats why I didnt hear it today that he is missing. "Ok class" teacher said, "tomorow that totos will come to class again I will say "good morning class" but noone will say answer to me so we will hear at last what totos says

So next day teacher comes to class and says" "good morning class". Noone answer exept totos: "welcome as..ole"

 

[Fuginazole]

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."


A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."



A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

 

[moonlight]

an oldie but a goodie...

How do women like their eggs in the morning?










UNfertilized

 

[imeothanasis]

fugi, great jokes! Chaos has to read them

 

[imeothanasis]

its an american joke, I didnt understand it

an oldie but a goodie...

How do women like their eggs in the morning?










UNfertilized

 

[Fuginazole]

fugi, great jokes! Chaos has to read them

LOL I was thinking that same thing... HAHA

 

[wfarrar33]

unfertilized = not pregnant

its an american joke, I didnt understand it

 

[wfarrar33]

There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''

 

[lorderos33]

A guy comes home and tells his wife he wants to buy the new SSGGTS plus the new VV Module for it and the iAtty2.

The wife replies... "Honey, we can hold off on that. I need the extra money for that new breast cream to make them bigger for you. Just think of it as a present from me to you "

The husband replies... "No honey, I want the new GGs and if I don't get them right away there is no telling when I'll be able to get them again."

The wife says... "But the cream is on sale and if I don't get it right away it'll cost double."

The husband stops and thinks for a minute and replies... "What do you need that breast enlargement cream for anyway. You know it's just snake oil anyway! All you need to make your breasts bigger is toilet paper."

The wife looks at him with a confused look on her face... "Do you mean stuff by bras with TP, they need more than than dear. I'm not a teenager anymore you know!"

The husband replies... "No dear, that is not at all what I meant. I mean you just have to rub your breasts with it!! You've been wiping your ... with it for years and look how big it got!!"

This member of the GG family has not been heard from in weeks

 

[moonlight]

its an american joke, I didnt understand it

Oh, I bet there are plenty of Greek women who like thier eggs unfertilized in the morning too!

Does this help?

Conception Pictures Slideshow: Pictures and Images From Egg to Embryo

 

[wfarrar33]

nice!!!!!!!!

Oh, I bet there are plenty of Greek women who like thier eggs unfertilized in the morning too!

Does this help?

Conception Pictures Slideshow: Pictures and Images From Egg to Embryo

 

[lorderos33]

Me thinks the joke gets lost in this translation.

Oh, I bet there are plenty of Greek women who like thier eggs unfertilized in the morning too!

Does this help?

Conception Pictures Slideshow: Pictures and Images From Egg to Embryo