Anecdotes
- Thread starter wfarrar33
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Do they make 3D movie players for home use??? I mean,,, nope, never mind,.,,
And I need to rent the 3d version of Black Swan...
Wow, I need to rent a 3D movie with Ferarri's in it
I was thinking more along the lines of,,,, never mind,,,, at my age, I gotta save them up...
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
Him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair .. . .. Kill her!!*
The man said, *You can*t be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.*
The agent said, *Then you*re not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.*
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, *I tried,
But I can*t kill my wife.* The agent said, *You don*t
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.*
Finally, it was the woman*s turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After
another.They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet.. The door opened
slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow.
*This gun is loaded with blanks* she said. *I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.
After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
Him a gun.
We must know that you will follow your
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair .. . .. Kill her!!*
The man said, *You can*t be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.*
The agent said, *Then you*re not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.*
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, *I tried,
But I can*t kill my wife.* The agent said, *You don*t
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.*
Finally, it was the woman*s turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the
Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After
another.They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet.. The door opened
slowly and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow.
*This gun is loaded with blanks* she said. *I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"
Only clean joke I know.
Best served with a good Irish accent, but it'll have to do.
Patty and Katrin were married for 57 years. She was a saint of a woman, went to church every sunday. Patty on the other hand, went to services at MacCallesters Pub every sunday. And monday. Well, everyday it would seem. However they were happy.
One day Patty came home from MacCallesters, and found Katrin sitting in her reading chair, but dead. Patty cried out "Oh Katrin, what ever am I gonna do without ya.. I only hope it was peaceful"...
The day of the funeral, Patty was again sitting at the bar, crying in his beer, waiting until it was time to say his one last good-bye. At 1:30 Patty looked at his watch, and figured he had time for another beer, since the service was at 2:00, and a short 10 block drive. At 1:45 he figured he still had time.
At 1:55 he decided it was time to go.. And started heading towards the church. As he headed towards the church he noticed all the cars. Katrin was so well loved, everyone in town was there, and there wasn't a parking place within 10 blocks.
About 2 blocks from the church Patty started to realize he was about to miss his beloved Katrin's funeral.
"Lord, I know we don't talk much, and I've been a wretch of a man. If ya fit to let me say goodbye to katrin, I'll be a changed man. I'll be in the front owe in the church every sunday in me best suit, I'll give up the gamblin' and donate the money, and I'll even give up the drink".
He turned a the corder at the church, and the car in the closest spot pulled out, giving Patty the closest spot.
"Lord, I don't know if ya heard me or not just then.... but never mind, I found one."
-Z
Best served with a good Irish accent, but it'll have to do.
Patty and Katrin were married for 57 years. She was a saint of a woman, went to church every sunday. Patty on the other hand, went to services at MacCallesters Pub every sunday. And monday. Well, everyday it would seem. However they were happy.
One day Patty came home from MacCallesters, and found Katrin sitting in her reading chair, but dead. Patty cried out "Oh Katrin, what ever am I gonna do without ya.. I only hope it was peaceful"...
The day of the funeral, Patty was again sitting at the bar, crying in his beer, waiting until it was time to say his one last good-bye. At 1:30 Patty looked at his watch, and figured he had time for another beer, since the service was at 2:00, and a short 10 block drive. At 1:45 he figured he still had time.
At 1:55 he decided it was time to go.. And started heading towards the church. As he headed towards the church he noticed all the cars. Katrin was so well loved, everyone in town was there, and there wasn't a parking place within 10 blocks.
About 2 blocks from the church Patty started to realize he was about to miss his beloved Katrin's funeral.
"Lord, I know we don't talk much, and I've been a wretch of a man. If ya fit to let me say goodbye to katrin, I'll be a changed man. I'll be in the front owe in the church every sunday in me best suit, I'll give up the gamblin' and donate the money, and I'll even give up the drink".
He turned a the corder at the church, and the car in the closest spot pulled out, giving Patty the closest spot.
"Lord, I don't know if ya heard me or not just then.... but never mind, I found one."
-Z
A redneck was walking home late at night
and sees a woman in the Shadows.
“ Twenty dollars ”, she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a ...... before,
but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks,
so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden
a light flashes on them. It’s a police officer.
“What's going on here, people? asks the officer.
“I'm making love to my wife!”, Bubba answers sounding annoyed .
“ Oh , I'm sorry”, says the cop, “I didn't know.”
Bubba says, “Well, neither did I ,
til ya shined that light in her face .”
and sees a woman in the Shadows.
“ Twenty dollars ”, she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a ...... before,
but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks,
so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden
a light flashes on them. It’s a police officer.
“What's going on here, people? asks the officer.
“I'm making love to my wife!”, Bubba answers sounding annoyed .
“ Oh , I'm sorry”, says the cop, “I didn't know.”
Bubba says, “Well, neither did I ,
til ya shined that light in her face .”
This is one of my favorites..Not really an anecdote but fun to watch.
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Cursor thief. When the guy stops running put your cursor over his head and see what happens.
selfcontrolfreak
selfcontrolfreak
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