CHIT CHAT in VOLTVILLE

[SandySu]

Tried that and he got very ...... off at me! Not doing that again! Thanks, though.



I have thought of that, SandySu, and even tried learning the game. I am not coordinated enough. I stick with Bejeweled and Tetris!

I don't blame you. The kind of games you like are my speed, too.

 

[SandySu]

I definitely didn't like the games my ex would pick out, but it made me realize if I started playing mine, I would have to play hers at some point. I just stopped playing after a while. She couldn't beat me at mine, but that's because she hated them so she didn't play like I did.

Why did you think you had to play hers in order to play yours? I play games on the computer, but Bill has no interest. He watches DVDs on the TV, and I rarely have any interest in that. We can both do separate things, the things we prefer to do. We don't have to share every experience. I think that kind of independence works for us.

 

[abracadebra]

I see the problem. Your husband is not taking responsibility for himself and then blames you when things don't work out. What if you said you refused to get him up if he didn't go to bed when he was supposed to? Yes, maybe he'd lose his job, but he needs a wake-up call. He can't go on shoving the responsibility on you. Have you discussed the problem with him? Have you asked him for a solution? That might work. Somehow, you have to shift the responsibility for him getting up back onto his shoulders and off yours. So, what I'd do is stay up till it's time for him to go to bed so that he has enough sleep (8 hours). If he refuses to go to bed then, I'd say, "Well, then I'm not going to try to wake you up in the morning. You're on your own. Good night." And off to bed I'd go. Set your own alarm for about 5 minutes before his bullhorn or whatever goes off so you aren't startled awake, then retreat out of the way. If he sees you're serious about not waking him up, what will he do? Will he yell at you? Will he get himself up? Will he simply oversleep every day and passively lose his job?

well said sandy...
cause in the END...I left...he lost this job...AMEN!!! hope you can work it out tina....sending hugs

 

[Amethyst_Star]

I see the problem. Your husband is not taking responsibility for himself and then blames you when things don't work out. What if you said you refused to get him up if he didn't go to bed when he was supposed to? Yes, maybe he'd lose his job, but he needs a wake-up call. He can't go on shoving the responsibility on you. Have you discussed the problem with him? Have you asked him for a solution? That might work. Somehow, you have to shift the responsibility for him getting up back onto his shoulders and off yours. So, what I'd do is stay up till it's time for him to go to bed so that he has enough sleep (8 hours). If he refuses to go to bed then, I'd say, "Well, then I'm not going to try to wake you up in the morning. You're on your own. Good night." And off to bed I'd go. Set your own alarm for about 5 minutes before his bullhorn or whatever goes off so you aren't startled awake, then retreat out of the way. If he sees you're serious about not waking him up, what will he do? Will he yell at you? Will he get himself up? Will he simply oversleep every day and passively lose his job?

I think I will try ignoring him. I will need to find some microwaveable meals that are okay for me to eat. I need to stop relying on him to do the things that I cannot. Like standing at the stove and cooking. That's the biggest problem, is he feels that it is my job to wake him up as he does the cooking and laundry. I still won't be able to do the laundry, as my knee is totally gone. But I might be able to handle the microwave or something that doesn't need cooking. I think I am going to look into a knee replacement very soon. I met a woman who had hers done while in her 40's and over 300#. She said she had to go an hour away to find a surgeon who would do it. I just know it bugs my husband the more I do on my own. Maybe if I am able to do more, he'll wake up and see how he is ignoring me, etc. 154# ago, I was basically bedridden and he took care of me more than he does now. He's getting scared when he sees me doing more things on my own. I know he is very insecure and thinks I am going to find another man. Funny thing is, he's the one that likes his women big, like I was. I am still big, but am at a weight he has never seen me at before. It happens often in marriages where one has had weight loss surgery and not the other. Many end In divorce. He just seems to think things will be the same, but they aren't.

 

[Amethyst_Star]

well said sandy...
cause in the END...I left...he lost this job...AMEN!!! hope you can work it out tina....sending hugs

Thanks, Deb! and (((Hugs)))

 

[Nukified]

Why did you think you had to play hers in order to play yours? I play games on the computer, but Bill has no interest. He watches DVDs on the TV, and I rarely have any interest in that. We can both do separate things, the things we prefer to do. We don't have to share every experience. I think that kind of independence works for us.

It was either that or watch her boring MTV and TLC shows. If I found a PC game, then she would have to play it on the laptop. It became annoying to me, because I don't like playing so slow. I'm what they call a hardcore gamer and she was a casual gamer; the two don't play well together because the hardcore gamer starts facepalming or yelling or both.

 

[Amethyst_Star]

It was either that or watch her boring MTV and TLC shows. If I found a PC game, then she would have to play it on the laptop. It became annoying to me, because I don't like playing so slow. I'm what they call a hardcore gamer and she was a casual gamer; the two don't play well together because the hardcore gamer starts facepalming or yelling or both.

Yup! My husband is a hardcore gamer and I'm a newbie. At least to his kind of games. I mainly stick to my social networking, while he plays his games on the XBOX. I have my own XBOX in the bedroom if I feel like playing my games. I do have a few PC games, too.

 

[Amethyst_Star]

Thank you, everyone, for your help and support. I do appreciate it and will take it all in mind. I think if I just get up and do my own thing, he will get up to just check up on me, as he often does. That's why I am currently on my phone, as he can't check up on me as easily. But, my battery is dying and I have to go plug it in! Everyone have a nice night!

 

[SandySu]

I think I will try ignoring him. I will need to find some microwaveable meals that are okay for me to eat. I need to stop relying on him to do the things that I cannot. Like standing at the stove and cooking. That's the biggest problem, is he feels that it is my job to wake him up as he does the cooking and laundry. I still won't be able to do the laundry, as my knee is totally gone. But I might be able to handle the microwave or something that doesn't need cooking. I think I am going to look into a knee replacement very soon. I met a woman who had hers done while in her 40's and over 300#. She said she had to go an hour away to find a surgeon who would do it. I just know it bugs my husband the more I do on my own. Maybe if I am able to do more, he'll wake up and see how he is ignoring me, etc. 154# ago, I was basically bedridden and he took care of me more than he does now. He's getting scared when he sees me doing more things on my own. I know he is very insecure and thinks I am going to find another man. Funny thing is, he's the one that likes his women big, like I was. I am still big, but am at a weight he has never seen me at before. It happens often in marriages where one has had weight loss surgery and not the other. Many end In divorce. He just seems to think things will be the same, but they aren't.

Those are some good thoughts. I've seen it before. If one of a couple is less dysfunctional than he/she used to be, it upsets the balance, and the other member of the couple is upset by it. You should get as independent as you can. He may try to keep you dysfunctional or attack your newfound independence, but stick with it. Remember, he needs you as much or maybe more than you need him. I think you can work it out if you both want to, but it'll take cooperation to do it. Maybe you need to request a time to sit down and discuss it. He may resist that, but it's necessary for him to know how you feel and for you to both work out what'll work. I think if you can get him to go to bed so he gets a full night's sleep, he may be easier to wake, and that might solve that problem, at least. Make it a condition that you won't wake him unless he goes to bed at his bedtime. See what happens. A number of things might, and it might even seem worse, but you are stuck in an impossible situation now, so something's got to give.

What if you sat on a stool to cook? Maybe you could make big pots of something, then freeze it in meal-size containers so you didn't have to cook every night. You could make stew or spaghetti sauce or whatever. You could sit at a table to cut up the veggies, then just add them to the pot on the stove, not have to stand over the stove for a long time. Are you able to do something like that? I bet even people in wheelchairs can cook and do laundry if they figure out how to do it.

Why can't you get knee replacement surgery now? Do they want you to lose more weight before you do? Is it dangerous to have surgery if you weigh too much? You need to research the pros and cons of having surgery now or waiting till the doctors think you should.

 

[SandySu]

It was either that or watch her boring MTV and TLC shows. If I found a PC game, then she would have to play it on the laptop. It became annoying to me, because I don't like playing so slow. I'm what they call a hardcore gamer and she was a casual gamer; the two don't play well together because the hardcore gamer starts facepalming or yelling or both.

Well, if I was your wife, I'd just play my own games and you play yours. Why play together if you're mismatched? And if you don't like her TV shows, then watch what you like and let her watch what she likes. I can't understand why some couples feel they need to share every waking moment. Yes, it's nice to do things together, but only if both of you want to do that thing. Maybe your TV watching and games aren't compatible, but then maybe you both enjoy taking a walk in the woods or touring a museum or something. So sometimes you do things separately and sometimes together. Make sense?

 

[Tail11]

Tail, if I remember correctly, CO detectors should be installed at locations other than on the ceiling, which is the opposite of a fire detector. I think CO is heavier and tends to accumulate from the floor up, rather than the ceiling down like smoke.

Smoke detectors come in two varieties, a true smoke detector that works by reflection or obscuration, and ionization detectors that detect ionized particles from combustion. The smoke detector is prone to problems from cob webs, dust and insects while an ionization detector can be triggered by an air current, like the steam/hot air escaping from a bathroom after a shower. Ionization detectors usually work using a low level radio active isotope, harmless level, but need proper disposal.

In CA, the building code does not state that the CO detector has to be near the floor and that they can be installed on the ceiling as a combo unit or stand alone. I will probably end up buying a wall plug in detector for my bedroom because the heater is installed in the attic.
Here's some info:
Carbon Monoxide and Density

 

[Amethyst_Star]

Those are some good thoughts. I've seen it before. If one of a couple is less dysfunctional than he/she used to be, it upsets the balance, and the other member of the couple is upset by it. You should get as independent as you can. He may try to keep you dysfunctional or attack your newfound independence, but stick with it. Remember, he needs you as much or maybe more than you need him. I think you can work it out if you both want to, but it'll take cooperation to do it. Maybe you need to request a time to sit down and discuss it. He may resist that, but it's necessary for him to know how you feel and for you to both work out what'll work. I think if you can get him to go to bed so he gets a full night's sleep, he may be easier to wake, and that might solve that problem, at least. Make it a condition that you won't wake him unless he goes to bed at his bedtime. See what happens. A number of things might, and it might even seem worse, but you are stuck in an impossible situation now, so something's got to give.

What if you sat on a stool to cook? Maybe you could make big pots of something, then freeze it in meal-size containers so you didn't have to cook every night. You could make stew or spaghetti sauce or whatever. You could sit at a table to cut up the veggies, then just add them to the pot on the stove, not have to stand over the stove for a long time. Are you able to do something like that? I bet even people in wheelchairs can cook and do laundry if they figure out how to do it.

Why can't you get knee replacement surgery now? Do they want you to lose more weight before you do? Is it dangerous to have surgery if you weigh too much? You need to research the pros and cons of having surgery now or waiting till the doctors think you should.

Our kitchen is very tiny, but I have since changed office chairs. This smaller one may fit in there.

I really only know what I've been told about knee replacements. That I am too young and was too big. After talking to the one woman, I think it may be possible now, though. I had my arthroscopy done when I was 350# and I am well below that now. When I was over 400# I was told that I was too big to be knocked out for surgery. Which was funny, as I could've had weight loss surgery at 400#. By the time I had surgery, though, I was about 380#. I really need this knee replacement, though, otherwise I might not be able to lose all the weight I need to. I need to start exercising.

As for sitting down and talking with him, I have tried. He likes to blame everything on me as I have "changed" so much since I have had surgery. He will accuse me of seeing other men, when I have never given him any reason to believe I would do anything like that. I think either he is very insecure or is projecting what he is doing onto me.

We did enjoy watching movies and TV, together, but that was before his game came along. So I just do my own things now. The only thing we do together is eat, grocery shop, and go to my appointments.

Thank you, SandySu!

 

[Tail11]

Well, if I was your wife, I'd just play my own games and you play yours. Why play together if you're mismatched? And if you don't like her TV shows, then watch what you like and let her watch what she likes. I can't understand why some couples feel they need to share every waking moment. Yes, it's nice to do things together, but only if both of you want to do that thing. Maybe your TV watching and games aren't compatible, but then maybe you both enjoy taking a walk in the woods or touring a museum or something. So sometimes you do things separately and sometimes together. Make sense?

I'm right there with you Sandy. That is why I enjoy living alone. I do what I want without worry.

 

[Amethyst_Star]

Okay, now I really have to go as my phone is nagging me to plug it in! Hubby is going to leave for work shortly and I am really tired! Take care, everyone!

 

[SandySu]

I'm right there with you Sandy. That is why I enjoy living alone. I do what I want without worry.

I'm really lucky. I live with Bill, and I can still do what I want without worry. So can Bill. He and I like it that way.

 

[SandySu]

Good night, everyone. More daylilies.

 

[abracadebra]

hey lizzie I see you..are you sleep walking...lol

 

[Amethyst_Star]

Morning, everyone!

I wanted to stop by and apologize for my posts last night. Especially to those that had to scroll on by. I shouldn't have unloaded here, as this is for "chit chat," not my dumping ground. Thank you to those who offered their help, I really appreciate it.

I hope everyone has a great day/weekend! I'll probably attempt to go back to bed, soon! Just waiting for hubby's nightly call on his lunch break!

Take care!

 

[awsum140]

In CA, the building code does not state that the CO detector has to be near the floor and that they can be installed on the ceiling as a combo unit or stand alone. I will probably end up buying a wall plug in detector for my bedroom because the heater is installed in the attic.
Here's some info:
Carbon Monoxide and Density

That's why I said "if I remember correctly". I read the link and will look into it further, but I still have the feeling that closer to the floor is better for CO since it can be produced without a whole lot of heat, which is what can make it so dangerous.

 

[Renolizzie]

Hi peeps -

Kati Kati coffee this morning.

Hope you work out your Hubby troubles Tina.

Tail and Raven - When I finish a project, I look at it over and over again, admiring my handiwork and congratulating myself on how great it looks/works. When I finished the kitchen, I changed from my usual seat in the dining room so I could take my coffee break gazing into the newly renovated kitchen. Hubby and I did the floor tiles, the wall cubbies for cutting boards and knives and spices. I designed the cabinets and I fought the cabinet guy, who was someone we know tooth and nail, to get my ideas done properly. He could do it my way but he didn't want to. I made the layout with a microwave off the counter into a top cabinet cubby and I invented the trash can drawer which has worked stunningly. I designed a pullout cutting board into the design. I got the big sturdy stainless steel sink on line for only $100. We did easy undermount lighting for the cabinets and Hubby put in new electrical outlets. I bought a piece of marble that we cut and made into a pastry working area. I tiled the counters and we got a nice maple wood counter top made for the one area.

We did the job in two phases. We reused the old appliances except the dishwasher so we could stay at $2000 for phase one and $2,000 for phase two. We had a tight budget since I saved up for this project out of my cleaning jobs.

To this day I enjoy that kitchen. We thought it out and we implemented it. We stayed on budget but got everything we wanted and it turned out really nice looking.

Anyway, one of the many projects that we have done out here that I went to look at after it was done. "I did that and it looks good"


Today I will be starting the roofing on the sheds. We got the shingles last night so we wouldn't waste our nice cool morning driving into town. 58 degrees out there and the sun is just coming up. Hope everyone has a great day.