Cool - I did not say that formal training was required but it does help -Still what you are describing does not sound like a meditative state - One does not get up and go pee while one meditates - It sounds more like a mental state of total apathy along with some sleep deprivation at play - Sounds a lot more like clinical depression as you describe it - The not bathing or washing your clothes for long periods points to that too - Having no concern for personal hygiene is not a sign of anti-materialism - It is a sign of lack of self respect - I have never experienced anything remotely like a need to harm others to make me happy - Not literally or figuratively or even metaphorically - That part in particular is VERY ODD - It could be that it is getting lost in translation - But what I read here does not in any way resemble the effects of a meditative state - I do hope you find help from whatever faith you practice - I do not know you well enough to say for sure what that was about - but I do know meditation well enough to say with certainty that what you describe is not a brush with enlightenment or the one-ness - It makes me feel very sad for you if you think that is what meditation and loss of self is about
Peace be with you -