Cigarette Newbie

[e-pipeman]

I used to take a break from my pipe to smoke a cigarette, but I wouldn't spit my dip out. Does that make me an addict? Seriously, when I quit combustibles, I threw out about 20 pipes and a few tins of Dunhill Nightcap just because of my rage at being so savagely addicted. Five of my pipes were Dunhills (and 'dem ain't cheap!) along with several meerschaums and a great honking Sherlock Holmes gourd calabash.

I smoked cigars and had a desktop humidor. I had about fifty ashtrays and maybe as many lighters, two brass cuspidors and a cigarette rolling machine.

I used to carry something that looked like a giant day-timer but held pipes, tobacco, lighters, cigars and cigarettes and it would freak me out to leave the house without it.

After two years of vaping I have a Provari, two VAMOs, a Vision Spinner, several tanks and batteries, syringes, etc, but it all fits in one standard sized Plano tackle box that holds about a year's supply of juice in the bottom. When I leave, I just make sure my mod is full and take the spinner just in case.

You're in the wrong thread , I think. This thread is about why vaping is entirely the product of Satan's anus and why tobacco is the gold that Gordon Brown forgot to sell (I do you cheap price, very nice.)

 

[SnakeFarm]

Ok, good Idea. Here's a first draft:

1. We admitted that we were just fooling ourselves about vaping, that it was worse than smoking actual tobacco because; reasons.
2. Came to believe that we were right, no matter what you say.
3. Made a decision to turn over or lives, fortunes and our Sacred Honor to Big Tobacco.
4. Made a long list of crap we might like to do something about someday.
5. Admitted more stuff to God, to ourselves, and to others who probably didn't want to hear it either.
6. Were ready to have God solve our vaping problem.
7. Humbly asked Him to solve all our other problems too.
8. Made a list of all of the people we got hooked on vaping.
9. Made amends to anybody we had gotten hooked on vaping by buying them a carton of their favorite REAL CIGARETTES.
10. Continued to make lists of crap that we might like to do something about someday.
11. Sought through sarcasm and snarkiness to improve our self appraisal.
12. Having had a major Hinayana Style Cluster Epiphany as a result of these steps, we found it necessary to publish our self congratulatory musings at every opportunity.

Yeah, Twelve is to many, but nobody would take it serious if there was only three or four.

 

[e-pipeman]

??? Don't you get 40 of those with a mule? Or is it 40 mules and one of those? I still haven't thought of names for all 20 of the first ones. I was thinking of naming them alphabetically, but if there are 40 I will have to start over at 24 and might get confused. Are there more letters in Netherlandish?


ETA: I know I could name them in Canadian, but I don't know how to pronounce runes.

Try "Roons". It works for me.

 

[jtpjc]

Ok, good Idea. Here's a first draft:

1. We admitted that we were just fooling ourselves about vaping, that it was worse than smoking actual tobacco because; reasons.
2. Came to believe that we were right, no matter what you say.
3. Made a decision to turn over or lives, fortunes and our Sacred Honor to Big Tobacco.
4. Made a long list of crap we might like to do something about someday.
5. Admitted more stuff to God, to ourselves, and to others who probably didn't want to hear it either.
6. Were ready to have God solve our vaping problem.
7. Humbly asked Him to solve all our other problems too.
8. Made a list of all of the people we got hooked on vaping.
9. Made amends to anybody we had gotten hooked on vaping by buying them a carton of their favorite REAL CIGARETTES.
10. Continued to make lists of crap that we might like to do something about someday.
11. Sought through sarcasm and snarkiness to improve our self appraisal.
12. Having had a major Hinayana Style Cluster Epiphany as a result of these steps, we found it necessary to publish our self congratulatory musings at every opportunity.

So, it's all God's fault? I can live with that.

 

[SnakeFarm]

You're in the wrong thread , I think. This thread is about why vaping is entirely the product of Satan's anus and why tobacco is the gold that Gordon Brown forgot to sell (I do you cheap price, very nice.)

No! YOU'RE in the wrong thread. This thread is about what *I* think it's about and right now, I'm pretty sure it's about not giving a damn what you think it's about. Yeah. Not one damn given. See how much better that is?

 

[e-pipeman]

I tried milking the camel to get some urine but it kicked me

When they do that a little humility is in order. Then kill them.

 

[e-pipeman]

Hey, no disrespect intended. I'm actually thinking about returning to the fold. I mean sure, vaping saves me a lot of money, but relatives are starting to ask me for loans! I haven't been sick for two years, so I get like ZERO sympathy, and nobody even notices how I smell any more; except for when I was vaping some pretty staunch maple and this girl told me I smelled like a freaking "PANCAKE." Pfft!

You may not realise it, but you do smell. Just lift your armpit and sniff. Maple, huh?

 

[The Ocelot]

Of course not. They are not vaping anymore, are they?

I guess maybe, but if they are smoking analogs why should they be antonymous about it? They should smoke proudly, otherwise how are we going to get the generalized public to except us? It should be something like Smokers Together Forging Understanding.

 

[SnakeFarm]

You may not realise it, but you do smell. Just lift your armpit and sniff. Maple, huh?

Good GOD MAN! You're RIGHT! That's not maple, that's NIRVANA!

 

[e-pipeman]

Ok, good Idea. Here's a first draft:

1. We admitted that we were just fooling ourselves about vaping, that it was worse than smoking actual tobacco because; reasons.
2. Came to believe that we were right, no matter what you say.
3. Made a decision to turn over or lives, fortunes and our Sacred Honor to Big Tobacco.
4. Made a long list of crap we might like to do something about someday.
5. Admitted more stuff to God, to ourselves, and to others who probably didn't want to hear it either.
6. Were ready to have God solve our vaping problem.
7. Humbly asked Him to solve all our other problems too.
8. Made a list of all of the people we got hooked on vaping.
9. Made amends to anybody we had gotten hooked on vaping by buying them a carton of their favorite REAL CIGARETTES.
10. Continued to make lists of crap that we might like to do something about someday.
11. Sought through sarcasm and snarkiness to improve our self appraisal.
12. Having had a major Hinayana Style Cluster Epiphany as a result of these steps, we found it necessary to publish our self congratulatory musings at every opportunity.

Number 11 works for me.

 

[SnakeFarm]

I guess maybe, but if they are smoking analogs why should they be antonymous about it? They should smoke proudly, otherwise how are we going to get the generalized public to except us? It should be something like Smokers Together Forging Understanding.

"Vapors Antonymous" I like it MUCH better than anonymous. Too many people think they know what anonymous means. NOBODY knows what Antonymous means!

 

[AaronM]

will keep a glass of alcohol by me at all times. hmm.. will the alcohol help me get the yellow stains off of my fingers too? will start stirring my drinks with my fingers while i smoke!

Save the yellow on your fingers and don't wash it off. People are so in love with the smell of cigarettes it's impossible to get away with stealth smoking in public, I always get caught. So instead, what I do is, just suck the yellow off of my fingers. It brings my levels of tar and nicotine back up long enough for me to get to a private place to smoke.

Speaking of smoking outside, has anyone else noticed how there is always another smoker around YOUR smoking area. Like it is the law they have a designated place to smoke or something. I just hated the social aspect of vaping and wish other smokers would just leave me alone. Find your own smoking spot people and leave mine alone!

 

[e-pipeman]

No! YOU'RE in the wrong thread. This thread is about what *I* think it's about and right now, I'm pretty sure it's about not giving a damn what you think it's about. Yeah. Not one damn given. See how much better that is?

Well, not really. You seem to be a bit cross about something. I try to avoid that. Try Benson & Hedges - they could mellow you out a bit, perhaps?

 

[The Ocelot]

"Vapors Antonymous" I like it MUCH better than anonymous. Too many people think they know what anonymous means. NOBODY knows what Antonymous means!

Yeah if it has to be Vapers-something, Antonymous makes more sense. I know, I'm just a Grammar Allie.

 

[SnakeFarm]

Number 11 works for me.

What about #12? I mean, "Hinayana Style Cluster Epiphany?" Come on! That's .......ed writing genus is what that is. I'm trademarking that.

 

[SnakeFarm]

Well, not really. You seem to be a bit cross about something. I try to avoid that. Try Benson & Hedges - they could mellow you out a bit, perhaps?

Yeah, sorry. Probably the amphetamines. Ignore me.

 

[e-pipeman]

"Vapors Antonymous" I like it MUCH better than anonymous. Too many people think they know what anonymous means. NOBODY knows what Antonymous means!

Yes they do. You're talking about antonyms. We know what they are. I don't think you started at the beginning of the thread. You might like to try that.

 

[e-pipeman]

Yeah, sorry. Probably the amphetamines. Ignore me.

Easily done. Thanks.

 

[SnakeFarm]

Yes they do. You're talking about antonyms. We know what they are. I don't think you started at the beginning of the thread. You might like to try that.

Thanks for the suggestion sunshine, but I'm not all that worried about comprehension here.

 

[e-pipeman]

You may not be worried but from what you've said you should be. Start at the beginning of the thread and read. Do you comprehend that? Alternatively, now...what is the phrase? I'm stuck...No, what I meant to say was,,, go to the amphetamines forum and stutter off. Peace and love (as Ringo would say).