Death and depression/bipolar

[Fudgey]

Yes but your happiness is worth it!!!!!

I know that sometimes when I try to explain how I feel to my DH it just comes out all wrong. That makes me not want to say anything at all because I know he isn't going to understand me and that will probably just make things worse. If it wasn't my anxiety meds then I would really be messed up Well....I'm still messed up....but.....

I am glad you were able to talk some last night

 

[maureengill]

I feel messed up fudgey, that's for sure....I just don't know if I can be as open as he wants me to...with everything that has happened in the last couple years I'm sure I've built up some pretty high walls....

Trust is not something I've been very good at anyway.....over the years I can see all of the experiences that have caused a loss in trust and I don't know if I can build that up or break down the wall...it's kind of scary...

I did find an interesting video today....and was looking at a book or two....I can always delve into a good book....I thought I'd share the video...

How do I get into the private side of the room?

 

[Fudgey]

It's going to be hard to break those walls down but you can do it. Once you get back on the meds and start feeling less depressed then you will be able to open up. Even if it's just a little bit at a time that will be better than nothing. He is just going to have to be very patient with you and you with yourself.

Is it experiences with just him or with other people too?

 

[uba egar320]

Hate to hear of your troubles Maureen.

 

[maureengill]

Hate to hear of your troubles Maureen.

Thanks UBA....what ever happened to the hockey thread?? You still playing?

It's going to be hard to break those walls down but you can do it. Once you get back on the meds and start feeling less depressed then you will be able to open up. Even if it's just a little bit at a time that will be better than nothing. He is just going to have to be very patient with you and you with yourself.

Is it experiences with just him or with other people too?

He's new to my picture as of this year...unfortunately 6 months into our relationship my second nephew died....and it's taking a toll on me...I had finally gotten to the point where (after almost 18 months) I had stopped crying for the oldest nephew....now I just feel like I need to get it out but can't...it really sucks....

He's a sweet guy...and normally I go for the douschebag type....he's totally worthy....but I've been feeling like I'm not lately...and the fight over the weekend..those words came out of his mouth....it was really hard to tell him that I knew that two weeks before he said it....of course he said it in anger....but it still hurt like a ......

Thanks for the password all....but I've decided that my trials and tribulations need to be public...for those who aren't willing to ask for a password...hopefully I can help someone else...

 

[uba egar320]

Thanks UBA....what ever happened to the hockey thread?? You still playing?



He's new to my picture as of this year...unfortunately 6 months into our relationship my second nephew died....and it's taking a toll on me...I had finally gotten to the point where (after almost 18 months) I had stopped crying for the oldest nephew....now I just feel like I need to get it out but can't...it really sucks....

He's a sweet guy...and normally I go for the douschebag type....he's totally worthy....but I've been feeling like I'm not lately...and the fight over the weekend..those words came out of his mouth....it was really hard to tell him that I knew that two weeks before he said it....of course he said it in anger....but it still hurt like a ......

Thanks for the password all....but I've decided that my trials and tribulations need to be public...for those who aren't willing to ask for a password...hopefully I can help someone else...

Anytime. And I hope things turn around soon for you. You seem like a really nice person Maureen.

And I'm playing whenever I get the chance. I've got a goalie that's mad at me right now though lol. Gonna test the waters tonight and see if he's over me blasting him in the face with my stick! At least I think he's mad at me. He threw his helmet in my direction.....so....



lol

 

[Fudgey]

Sorry about the loss of your nephews (((((hugs)))))

Sometimes I let myself dwell on all the bad things that DH has said or done. It can be really hard to get past, there was something he did over 3 years ago that when I think about I get mad all over again. You need to remember all the great times and the good things he has done or said. I am betting that they out weight the bad things by a whole bunch!!!!

uba.....

 

[maureengill]

Yeah...they do, but two nephews under the age of 20 in less than 18 months....really slapped the .... out of me....it's been really tough. I don't deal well with death as it is....and I know that....

Due to some rough times they came to live with me and my parents when they were 1 and 3 (I was 16). I loved them to death even though they drove me up a wall

I worked full time, went to school full time, and had two kids on my two nights off a week. They made an impression on me for sure....I just never thought things would end like this....me and my high expectations I guess....

 

[uba egar320]

Very sad. It really sucks to get dealt a blow like that Maureen. I had a best friend die from an overdose when we were 20. It's a crushing feeling. 15 years later, I think of the good times we had mostly(still have regrets though, as our friendship was seriously tested by drug use.). But still, things like this really test you in life. Stay strong. That's what they would want.

 

[Fudgey]

Sounds like they were brothers to you. You hang in there.....things will get better!!!! ((((hugs))))

 

[maureengill]

Man...if it's not one thing it's another....unfortunately one of my girlfriends (someone I've been friends with since high school) has been dealing with issues from a brain tumor for all of her life. They gave her three months to live a couple weeks ago....she didn't make it three weeks. Her husband is also a good friend (pretty much family) and this is going to be another rough time. I've been feeling somewhat better about my nephew lately, but work has been stressing me out bigtime. On top of that my parents are struggling with money....my dad has been out of work for two and a half years now and waited way too long to file for disability. After chatting with my mom this morning I told her that I'd do what I can to help her out, but I don't think I could afford all of their bills with what I make (even if I didn't have a mortgage)....I'm feeling the stress today....grr....

 

[uba egar320]

I hope 2012 is nothing but awesome for you Maureen.
I hope you :

win the lottery

meet the man of your dreams

and have some fun

 

[Fudgey]

((((Maureen)))) Dang....if it isn't one thing it's another!! I sure hope things turn around for you real soon!!!

 

[jj2]

I'm with Fudgey! Poor Maureen one thing after another. Hang in there and I hope 2012 is a whole lot better.

 

[Koman]

I hope 2012 is nothing but awesome for you Maureen.
I hope you :

win the lottery

meet the man of your dreams

and have some fun

Basically win at life