Does anyone else have a SO that is not supportive of their vaping?

[UncleChimney]

My wife doesn't seem to be to fond of my vaping, and I was wondering how many others have to deal with this, and how you all deal with an unsupportive SO? I have been completely off the analogs for about 2 months and she complains about the money I am spending, and the amount of time I look at vaping stuff. I can understand the time aspect because I do kind of get lost looking at ECF and other vaping material, but in the money department I am spending a lot less than I did smoking analogs. I only smoked a half a pack of day of analogs for the past 3 years, but before that I was averaging about a pack a day for 15 years, and she rarely complained about my smoking. Every once in a while she would tell me that I need to slow down on the cigs because I was spending to much money, but other than that she didn't nag me about trying to quit, which every previous girlfriend had.

I think some of that may have to do with her dad who has smoked for 40 years until he quit last year, not by his choice, but he has developed COPD and a number of other respiratory problems (although I don't think they are all directly related to smoking). Her dad is on oxygen, BIPAP, and pretty much can't do anything except lay around the house.

According to my calculations I have spent $140 so far on vaping and saved $175 from not smoking analogs, and this is at the half a pack a day rate. And $65 of that was no my starter kit. So overall I am spending much less other than the starter kit, but I think she might be having a hard time because I am spending $20-$30 at a time to save on shipping and whatnot, instead of $5 every two days. I think to her it just seemed like less because it was only $5 at a time.

In public, around family and the like she acts like she is proud of me for quitting the analogs, but behind closed doors she yells at me about the money I am spending and just overall gives me a hard time for vaping. I guess I just expected for her to be supportive of me and not worry about the money, even though I have saved money so far, and will continue to save even more money! Every time we argue about this I let her know that I didn't quit to save money, and that it was all about my health and being around our daughters for the long run.

She argues with me about trying different juices and why I have to have more than one flavor. She says, "You smoked all those years and it was only one flavor, why do you need more!!!" I try to explain to her about finding a few favors that I really love then just using those juices, but I have to try a bunch to get a select few. It just seems there is no reasoning with her.

I'm pretty much at the point now that I just want to finish off the juices that I have and just go back to analogs so that I won't have to hear her ***** anymore! Sorry for the rant, I just wanted to get it off my chest because overall I feel so much better and love vaping compared to smoking, but she has been such a downer for me. Other family members are extremely supportive and proud of me, but she just tries to endlessly tear me down! I guess if it weren't about vaping it'd be about something else.


Thanks for listening...

 

[alisa1970]

There was another gentleman who is going through the same thing with his wife. It's really sad to see, but relationships are weird, especially when there's addiction involved. I know smokes aren't the same as the illicit stuff, but the same things happen when the addicted one quits...our behavior patterns change, the way we relate to so many other daily rituals is different.

We aren't the only ones changing our lifestyles; our partners have to adjust to a different "us" as well. Sometimes underlying issues that you attributed to the addiction weren't ever about that and the real reasons start to bubble up.

I'm sorry you're having such difficulty--my SO still smokes and really has very little interest in joining me in vaping. I've tried to get him interested but he says it makes him feel "weird" when he vapes. He said he'd likely quit soon cold turkey (did that before and stayed off cigs for 18 months) but I'm doubtful. When he quit due to a long term hospitalization, I still smoked and wondered how it might affect our relationship. Fortunately (or not), our issues are clearly out on the table so we never attributed them to each other's bad habits so there was very little friction when he quit.

Sort of the same thing with me quitting now and him still smoking, but it would be nice to have someone else to share this with.

Hope you and your wife are able to deal better with each other after some time has passed.

 

[UncleChimney]

Mine isn't that bad.
But she flips out whenever I buy a new PV.
I'll start .....ing about her knitting.

LOL! All I have is a Spinner and a Twist, I'll probably be on them for another 5 years until I can justify spending money on an APV!

 

[JBL-37]

Man I don't envy your position at all. Just keep at it, keep educating her. This is for you and her, she needs to see this. Your smoking will cost you a lot more in the long run.

 

[skyztheLynnit]

There was a thread recently in the new members section.. a man struggling with his wife over her disapproving of his vaping. Hopefully he'll see your post. His situation boiled down to control. He quit smoking.. started exercising .. felt better about himself and wife was none to pleased about this shift. Like she actually liked berating him for smoking and he took that away.

The thread turned into bros before hoes and .....es be crazy dawg. But seriously .. I'm sorry you're going through this.. quitting is hard enough without having someone who nags.

 

[Plum]

I'm sorry that your wife is not more supportive...
Have you actually shown her the comparative costs and how much you have saved to date? I know that when I was smoking a pack a day, I just didn't like to add up how much it was costing. Since switching almost entirely to vaping, I have spent quite a lot on juice, equipment etc, but still nowhere near what I was spending on cigs. And it was a shock to actually work it out! My cigs cost £9 a pack, not sure what that is in dollars, maybe 12?

As far as the juice tasting, I feel it is absolutely crucial to your success in staying off the cigs to get a few flavours that really surpass the burning leaves... And that doesn't happen with the first juice you try in most cases. I have now found two flavours that I can vape all day. I still buy an occasional 5ml bottle of something else, but invariably go back to my faves, so I think I must stop trying anything else.

I still get people asking when i am going to quit the vapes. My reply is, as long as i feel that to stop may lead me back to real cigs, then yes, i need my "crutch". And the most important thing should be that you are off the cigs, and that is success for YOU, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Good luck, don't create waves with your beloved, but try to explain to her where you are headed...

 

[skyztheLynnit]

I have a bunch of spinners & twists.
A couple of eGo minis & a passthrough.
Johnson Creek Vea. Blu kit that sits on my desk.
Just ordered an 1100 eGo W. I like the idea of changing voltage with a few button clicks. Seeing how much power is left, is also a cool feature. It will be here tomorrow. Better make reservations @ Benihana!

How does your SO feel about your purchase? (Sorry.. couldn't resist

 

[Susan W.]

Yarn can be way more expensive than a new PV. Ask me how I know. But an argument over yarn is futile.

For the OP, your SO isn't seeing the big picture. And I'm sure she is happy about you quitting analogs. Don't go back. It's definitely not worth it for your well being. Can you show her on paper how much you are saving? Not sure what to do about spending time on this forum. It's part of getting educated so you don't make any bad purchasing decisions, hence, spending more money.

Mine isn't that bad.
But she flips out whenever I buy a new PV.
I'll start .....ing about her knitting.

 

[skyztheLynnit]

Idk yet. Only paid $25 for it on sale with free shipping.
Even comes with a Joyetech charger, clearo & small red eGo case.
It's a lot less than I usually spend.

My apologies.. i didn't your previous post and thought you meant to post that in another thread :/

 

[llamainmypocket]

You've logically deduced that it isn't the proportion of money you are spending in relation to tobacco so that isn't the issue. It doesn't sound like a money issue. She's probably feeling weird that suddenly she's the smoker rather than both of you guys. She may also require attention. You should find something that you two can do together that requires all of both of your attention. Only vape when she smokes.

That is my guess. Take it at your own risk.

 

[Butters78]

You've logically deduced that it isn't the proportion of money you are spending in relation to tobacco so that isn't the issue. It doesn't sound like a money issue. She's probably feeling weird that suddenly she's the smoker rather than both of you guys. She may also require attention. You should find something that you two can do together that requires all of both of your attention. Only vape when she smokes.

That is my guess. Take it at your own risk.

I don't believe the OP mentioned she smokes.

 

[Ilyanna]

Uncle -

You are not alone, many of us have gone through this. Do not go back to analogs, you have every right to be proud of your accomplishment and every right to experiment with it until you find what works best for you or even to adopt it as a hobby you never finish experimenting with, you are a person and have a right to any hobby you wish to pursue as long as it is not harming anyone else, and this is not harming her. Realize the issue in reality is not really you, your behavior or your vaping, its about her and usually has another underlying cause. Something else, anything from the wierdness factor because someone needs to fit in, to a control issue can be the underlying cause of it, but it is not your issue, and its not your fault, its her own issue and she needs to deal with it. Don't let it control who you are and what you do. Be proud of yourself, she has to adjust to the fact that you vape now, and letting yourself be pushed back into the smoking corner due to complaining and a less than supportive attitude about it won't change it, it will just crop up again with the next thing instead.

I believe this is the thread, the others are referring to, you should give it a read, lot of people shared their own experiences with this and the underlying real causes of it in their lifes -

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/new-members-forum/411864-has-anyone-experienced.html

Good Luck! Don't give up!

Ilyanna

 

[UncleChimney]

Thanks for the support everyone! Just to clear things up, my wife doesn't smoke, although there was a time growing up she was a social smoker more or less. I feel that if the shoe were on the other foot I'd be giving up my "milk money" or whatever it took to help her out, and see her be successful. I guess looking at it though she is the same way in other areas of my life.
I think you may be on to something on the control thing skyz. It's definitely not the only area she has control issues in.

 

[Dougiestyle]

Ask her this simple question: "How much is my health worth?"

A good follow-up would also be: "How much does chemotherapy or a tracheotomy cost?"

Explain that there is a learning curve to finding the most satisfying alternative to analogs. This is not the same as lighting a cigarette. It takes some people months to find an all-day vape liquid. Explain the variables of different delivery devices. Some are better than others, and you're unable to know if one is going to satisfy your addiciton at a comfortable level/cost. A good analogy would be that you can't buy a pair of shoes confidently without trying them on. * A woman will relate to the shoes lol.

Make the declaration that her support is needed for your success at a healthier strategy for being smoke-free. Don't use this declaration as a rebuttal to one of her complaints, but use it proactively and with tact. She may hear what you have to say in a different light if you broach the subject before she brings it up.

Your lady may just be feeling neglected, too. When's the last time she got some flowers from you? Flowers are always appreciated.

 

[UncleChimney]

Great suggestions Dougie! I'm gonna take you up on some of those!

 

[SilentEcho13]

My fiancee doesn't like me vaping either. She complains every time I take a PV out.

"THAT THING IS GLUED TO YOUR FACE"

 

[Ilyanna]

You know it could also be because the smoking didn't bother her but the idea of you quitting was , so much more money in her pocket to spend, except your vaping means theres only half the amount she expected, extra. If money is truly her issue, you could try this : You save this much not smoking, you have chosen to take half of this to put towards your vaping hobby to ensure you remain , not smoking, of the half left , she may have it for her own personal hobbies and use 'or' she may have half of it for herself, since she did nothing to earn it its a gift from you to her for supporting you in this but it means you wish no more complaints about it, and hte other half goes into the house funds to make life a little easier.. or something similar, show her there is extra money left even though your buying stuff and no you don't have an issue with some of the savings being earmarked for extra bill money or for her, just like some of it is being used by you.

 

[Butters78]

Whenever my wife is upset at me I que up 99 luft balloons and dance around in my boxers. Everything is right as rain after that.

 

[solace.discord]

get a jar. every other day, put in the $5 you would have spent on cigs. when you make a vaping purchase, take that amount out of the jar to cover the purchase.

give her a solid visual.

or, her being upset may have absolutely nothing to do with vaping or flavors or money. us women are strange creatures...

 

[Fury83]

My gf doesn't really care as long as I don't smoke.