DV FUN Thread! - Join the Party - With Contests and Prizes!

[Vap Khymyst]

Worst Spanking ever....

Mom and I were picking green beans. I looked up just in time to see her "pick" the tail of a green SNAKE.

The Spanking::: I laughed so hard I invented ROFLMAO

 

[jj2]

I lost my mom at an early age but was sort of adapted by this dear lady--I even called her mom. She loved to go mushrooming. One day we were out traipsing through the woods and we both spotted a group of four. On the way to them, I fell and she stepped on my .... to get over me to picked them.

I would have been ticked but wasn't. Too busy laughing because I probably would have done the same thing.

 

[GaMntGirl]

My house was the house all the other Moms sent their kids to went they wanted peace and quiet. One day my brother and I were not at home and the neighborhood PITA kid came over. She Went and wrote bad things in my brothers closet on the wall. She came out and said to my mom "look what John did" my mom looked at her and said I don't think so dear John is not old enough to color much less write. So the PITA neighbor said well then Jane did it. Mom looked at her and said I don't think so she's not home today. The pita neighbor said well! I'm going to go home and have cake. Mom looked at her and said when Jane and John come home We are going to have a tea party and YOU are not invited. So there.

Names changed to protect the innocent. An read with your bestest Southern voice

 

[gormly]

so far this is definitely the best contest idea

 

[AG51]

so far this is definitely the best contest idea

You win da prize ! Please email Mr Gromblys at DV dots coms for you prize

 

[Cnew]

(not an entry)
Just a little friendly tip for all our DV male friends as mother's day approaches:

View attachment 206415

 

[Cnew]

double post......................

 

[KalebK]

(not an entry)
Just a little friendly tip for all our DV male friends as mother's day approaches:

View attachment 206415

A pastor friend of mine was having an argument with his wife one time and he put his hand on her forehead and said "In the name of Jesus, I command you to flee this woman Satan!" He slept on the couch that night. LOL

 

[Cnew]

A pastor friend of mine was having an argument with his wife one time and he put his hand on her forehead and said "In the name of Jesus, I command you to flee this woman Satan!" He slept on the couch that night. LOL

LOL!!!

 

[Stoneface]

Many people would have thought my mom was a mess. She didn’t balance her checkbook, she didn’t have a solid career path, and she wasn’t the best housekeeper. But, my mom had a gigantic heart. She took in every stray animal that she ever ran across, and we even ended up with 45 cats at one point. So many, that my parents built them their own room onto the side of our house complete with a swinging door to the outside. She was able to talk my dad into keeping all kinds of strays, most often by giving them to us kids. At one point we had all of the cats, 5 dogs, 8 horses, a goat, and a chicken. Well, the chicken was my fault…a big rig carrying chickens in cages wrecked in front of our house and she stuck around. I guess you could say that I learned from the best, because I more or less adopted her. We were only allowed to keep it because we named that poor chicken after my mom. That chicken was a mess, too…maybe even brain damaged, because she would only lay eggs on a bicycle seat (with disastrous results).

 

[KalebK]

Many people would have thought my mom was a mess. She didn’t balance her checkbook, she didn’t have a solid career path, and she wasn’t the best housekeeper. But, my mom had a gigantic heart. She took in every stray animal that she ever ran across, and we even ended up with 45 cats at one point. So many, that my parents built them their own room onto the side of our house complete with a swinging door to the outside. She was able to talk my dad into keeping all kinds of strays, most often by giving them to us kids. At one point we had all of the cats, 5 dogs, 8 horses, a goat, and a chicken. Well, the chicken was my fault…a big rig carrying chickens in cages wrecked in front of our house and she stuck around. I guess you could say that I learned from the best, because I more or less adopted her. We were only allowed to keep it because we named that poor chicken after my mom. That chicken was a mess, too…maybe even brain damaged, because she would only lay eggs on a bicycle seat (with disastrous results).

My dog won't eat out of a bowl. He barks at you repeatedly until u either put it on the floor or on a chair.

 

[Zooker]

My mom raised us to fear the wooden spoon. It was kept in the "squeaky" drawer of the kitchen. Most times you wouldn't even hear her say "Don't make me get my spoon!", instead, we'd hear the sound of that drawer. You could hear it from any room in the house! Not to imply that we were ever abused, we weren't. We were just raised in that generation of "spare the rod, spoil the child." It didn't take very many personal meetings with that spoon before we learned to not ripple the water enough to really tork her off.

She's also a obsessive compulsive housecleaner. Everything had a place, and was to remain in that place. The house was filled with nick-nacks of various sorts, and God forbid, we'd have a friend over who would move one, we'd spend forever trying to make sure everything was back in it's correct spot.

We were kids in the 70's, and the upstairs had green shag carpet, the downstairs had orange shag carpet. My mother had a tool called a carpet rake. After she vacuumed, it would be one of us kids' job to take the rake, and rake the carpet til it was standing straight up, in perfect "raked" lines.

Our house was the only one in the neighborhood with a bathroom floor clean enough to eat off of.

I remember many a time waking up in the downstairs bathroom, which was our tornado shelter. They'd put us kids in there, meanwhile my dad would be outside on the patio, watching the storm, and my mom would be upstairs cleaning the house!! My dad would holler up there "if there's a tornado Joanne, no one is ever going to know if the house was clean or not!"

I love my mom like crazy. She just turned 72, and lives across the country, and I've not seen her for a long time. God bless her, she still makes us all up Christmas stockings from Santa and sends them every year, there's a greeting card in the mailbox for every holiday you can imagine. She still insists on mowing her own lawn, hanging her own Christmas lights, she bakes and sends out everyones favorite treats.

I hope when I grow up, that I will be just like her. I love you mom.

 

[Sassington]

Here I am! I found it! I'm here! I <3 DV! LOL. Hey y'all! =D

 

[AG51]

Here I am! I found it! I'm here! I <3 DV! LOL. Hey y'all! =D

Now put you Mothers day entry in heres and win WIN WIN !!!

 

[Sassington]

My crazy mom story is that my mom went into a nearby store and had been shopping a while there, grabbed a few items, and soon got ...... that NONE of the items had ANY prices on anything.. The more she searched for price tags on other items in the store, the angrier she got.. She was about to leave when she remembered she was at the "Dollar Tree", where everything is $1.

 

[AG51]

My crazy mom story is that my mom went into a nearby store and had been shopping a while there, grabbed a few items, and soon got ...... that NONE of the items had ANY prices on anything.. The more she searched for price tags on other items in the store, the angrier she got.. She was about to leave when she remembered she was at the "Dollar Tree", where everything is $1.

my ole mans was in the dolla tree wiff me once and asked how much sumptin was

 

[wandawag]

my mother had recently had a leg amputated and had to go back into the hospital for additional procedures. when the nurse asked her if she had any significant weight loss, my sister said "how much does a leg weigh?" this may sound tacky, but my family has a lot of humor....it was received well.

thank you for the contest.

 

[somejerk]

entry 1
my mother's mom was born around the thirties and when she was a child had a black dog who was named what is now termed derogatory.
when she got older she developed dementia and was living in Fresno, CA at the time. Well she went out in the back yard and started screaming for the dog (an offensive term in an especially diverse community). :O grandma come inside!!!

 

[somejerk]

entry 2
two friends and I all had bronchitis at the same time. due to our lack of energy we decided we would smoke out the window. his mom apparently smelled it and came up yelling at him (in mongolion). It was quite the fight, but she left and came back ten minutes later with soup and tea. Guess love will do that!

 

[J Guns]

#1
When I was a kid, my mom worked as a bartender at a local Holiday Inn in Modesto, CA. She has never been a particularly big or heavy lady, and at this time tipped the scales at about 110lbs soaking wet, and all of 5'7" tall. She tended to be good friends with her waitresses there, and one night the boyfriend of one of her closer friends came into the bar and threatened this girl (the waitress) with a kitchen knife. How no one but my mom saw this (from behind the bar, no less) is a mystery. My mom is not one to sit idly by while injustice is afoot. She vaulted the mid-torso (for her) bar, in her uniform of mini-skirt and heels, bolted across the room and tackled the guy to the ground, pinning him until the police arrived.

Mom, you so crazy.