Emerald City Comedy Central
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what do penguin fans say to red wing fans.......................................you want fries with that looooooooooooool
Soooo... this blonde is at the mall, and sees this TV in an electronic store..
She goes in and tells the salesclerk: "I want to buy that TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," is his reply.
Fuming, she stalks off, and comes back the next day. Again she asks to buy the TV, and again the salesperson tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So, the next day, she goes to the hair salon, and has her hair colored red. She picks out an outfit to go with her new red hair, and heads to the electronic shop. "There's no way he's gonna recognize me this time!" she says to herself.
Again, she asks, "I want to buy that TV"
The salesclerk looks at her, puzzled, for a second, then shakes his head. "Miss," he sighs, "for the last time, we DO NOT SELL TO BLONDES!"
Furious, she shouts back at him "How did you know it was me???"
"Well," is his reply...."For starters, that's a microwave oven."
She goes in and tells the salesclerk: "I want to buy that TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," is his reply.
Fuming, she stalks off, and comes back the next day. Again she asks to buy the TV, and again the salesperson tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So, the next day, she goes to the hair salon, and has her hair colored red. She picks out an outfit to go with her new red hair, and heads to the electronic shop. "There's no way he's gonna recognize me this time!" she says to herself.
Again, she asks, "I want to buy that TV"
The salesclerk looks at her, puzzled, for a second, then shakes his head. "Miss," he sighs, "for the last time, we DO NOT SELL TO BLONDES!"
Furious, she shouts back at him "How did you know it was me???"
"Well," is his reply...."For starters, that's a microwave oven."
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture."
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's ....."
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
"I don't remember much after that..."
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture."
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's ....."
Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
"I don't remember much after that..."
Two blonds walk into a bar....
You'd think one of them would have seen it......
You'd think one of them would have seen it......
whats the first thing a blonde does when she wakes up in the morning.......
goes home
goes home
CAN YOU SOLVE THIS RIDDLE?????
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your drunk @$$ off the merry-go-round!!
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (the ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
Get your drunk @$$ off the merry-go-round!!
These 3 blondes go into a bar, order drinks, and slam them..
"Damn, we're good!" yells one
"We're so freaking amazing!" shouts the 2nd
"WE RULE!" shrieks the 3rd.
so the bartender asks what the occasion is...
"Well," the three chours together.... "We put together this puzzle. It only took us a week, and the box said 2-4 YEARS!"
"Damn, we're good!" yells one
"We're so freaking amazing!" shouts the 2nd
"WE RULE!" shrieks the 3rd.
so the bartender asks what the occasion is...
"Well," the three chours together.... "We put together this puzzle. It only took us a week, and the box said 2-4 YEARS!"
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see them--
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.....
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see them--
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.....
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Jo, I have to try that the next time I get pulled over 
Sometimes, my foot does get a bit heavy.
Sometimes, my foot does get a bit heavy.
It would be fun to try but I imagine you might get a ticket for obstructing the officers sense of humor. LOLOL Would be fun tho.Jo, I have to try that the next time I get pulled over
Sometimes, my foot does get a bit heavy.
Now, now, there are cops out there who actually posess a funny bone....they're a rare species, last sighting was back in 1980, but they DO EXIST.
One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at "makeout point." Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young
man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
"Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?"
"I'm eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she'll be eighteen too!"
man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
"Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?"
"I'm eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she'll be eighteen too!"
One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at "makeout point." Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young
man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
"Excuse me, son" said the cop, "but how old are the two of you?"
"I'm eighteen, sir, and" (checking his watch another time) "in ten more minutes, she'll be eighteen too!"
It's all about the timing....
Oooo!!!! Wipeout is on tonight! Has anyone seen this show? It's freaking hysterical!
blonde drops her clothes off at dry cleaners
lady at counter:thank-you come again
blonde :no its mayo this time i swear
lady at counter:thank-you come again
blonde :no its mayo this time i swear
98% of males in san fransico prefer sex in the shower
the other 2% havent been to jail yet
the other 2% havent been to jail yet
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