GotVapes.com's Original: MEGA Contest, FUN & Features Thread 1 of 2

[RedFox]

Honestly, I know exactly what you're going thru but I also took the route Nate did. Told my mother .... and learn to respect me and my gf or gfto of my life.

Shame mine wouldn't have done the same thing. She was too afraid to say anything I guess. If she did, I never knew about it. I spoke up on more than one occasion, and every time it nearly led to blows. You and Nate are right....he has to be the one to put a stop to it.

 

[orachel]

Oh man, I walked into drama! MrsWakefield... so sorry, hon! That totally sucks. There's not much worse than being on the losing end of an 'in law gang up' with your hub on the other team. I've soo been there! I remember feeling totally betrayed, like Hello! you might not be sleeping with someone else, but it sure feels like that! (hug!) I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this!

And Devonmoonshire... you are AWESOME! Can I just say again how fabulous you are? I've seen a few couples go thru that really badly, including me, and it seems the only ones where noone was being trampled horribly are the ones when the spouse with the parents from hell provides a totally united front with the person he chose to marry. But sadly, that doesn't seem to happen nearly as often as it should.

And modrod.. you're totally right, imo, about not allowing yourself to be treated like a child. But there's a specific power dynamic in any relationship, and its formed over lots of time, and many many shared experiences. From what she's saying, she'd have to totally go against that to stand up for herself to the point where it might make a difference. That's really scary. Not saying you're not right, but its not necessarily something you can just decide to do and do it. Thats why women who get abused or controlled by their spouses (to use a rather extreme example) cant just walk. I've seen some of the strongest women I know stuck in a power dynamic, they cant seem to break free from. If you've not run into a whole lot of that, I have good news for you. You've had the power. lol

 

[RedFox]

The only thing that I managed to accomplish was to push her away somehow... ...to where she didn't want anything to do with me.

I guess in the end she chose her family over myself and our daughter.

 

[daisyd]

I guess I got lucky. My in-laws are total bigots, but once I told them they better keep it to themselves around me and my kids, everything has been peachy.

 

[Psyche]

Oh man, I walked into drama...

I love you rachel!

 

[daisyd]

I would add, that it seems to take some people a serious effort to cut the apron strings. I had to do some drastic things when dh and I were first married to get him to stop comparing me to his mother. He's a better person for it, and now he sees his folks for who they are and not the saints he saw them as when he was a kid.

 

[Modrod.]

Oh man, I walked into drama! MrsWakefield... so sorry, hon! That totally sucks. There's not much worse than being on the losing end of an 'in law gang up' with your hub on the other team. I've soo been there! I remember feeling totally betrayed, like Hello! you might not be sleeping with someone else, but it sure feels like that! (hug!) I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this!

And Devonmoonshire... you are AWESOME! Can I just say again how fabulous you are? I've seen a few couples go thru that really badly, including me, and it seems the only ones where noone was being trampled horribly are the ones when the spouse with the parents from hell provides a totally united front with the person he chose to marry. But sadly, that doesn't seem to happen nearly as often as it should.

And modrod.. you're totally right, imo, about not allowing yourself to be treated like a child. But there's a specific power dynamic in any relationship, and its formed over lots of time, and many many shared experiences. From what she's saying, she'd have to totally go against that to stand up for herself to the point where it might make a difference. That's really scary. Not saying you're not right, but its not necessarily something you can just decide to do and do it. Thats why women who get abused or controlled by their spouses (to use a rather extreme example) cant just walk. I've seen some of the strongest women I know stuck in a power dynamic, they cant seem to break free from. If you've not run into a whole lot of that, I have good news for you. You've had the power. lol

Everyone has power. Whether you choose to use it is up to you.

 

[36tinybells]

At 37 the apron strings should have withered and died. JMHO.

 

[orachel]

Whoohoo! Power to you, daisyd! Good for you! That is the one thing... well, I'll say one of my two main things, the other being children being mistreatment of children, that I flat out can't hold my tongue about. Bigotry and hate mongering drive me completely round the bend (and up onto a soapbox). I've gotten myself into more brouhaha's that way, when the wiser thing 90% of the time would be to hold my tongue. But protecting your children from that... man, if everyone did that, we'd be free from hate mongering in a generation or two. That is definitely learned behavior.

And mod, you're 100% correct about that. It doesn't always feel like that, though, esp if you're being worn down by always being the wrong one, always doing it wrong, etc etc. I don't know how the hell we get into these situations, but I know they don't develop overnight. I only found out my ex was a controlling manipulative %^$-hat after I got sick, and couldn't work anymore... and that's when I was at my most powerless.

Man, some guys are just jerks! Some ladies, too, from stories I've heard. lol

 

[Mrswakefield]

Well...let him know what you're thinking now. It sounds like you're feeling that if it doesn't change, DRASTICALLY, you want to leave. Let him know that.

He just woke up wondering why I was up. I told him that exact thing. Drastic change or poof.

 

[Psyche]

Everyone has power. Whether you choose to use it is up to you.

like 1000 times

 

[daisyd]

He just woke up wondering why I was up. I told him that exact thing. Drastic change or poof.

Good for you! Stick to your guns. Dynamics can be changed, but it takes a huge effort to make that change happen. I hope he figures that out.

 

[RedFox]

Ok folks. Hope everyone has good night. Going to go get some shut eye before the little one comes pouncing in on my bed.

@Mrswakefield I don't really know if I'm the best one to be getting advise from, due to the way mine worked out... Before you drive yourself totally insane, you have to make a stand and let him know that you are serious about how you feel. He (unless totally thick headed) should see just how distraught you are and that you are at your wits end. You have had enough and that is clearly obvious.

I hope you find some calm real soon darlin.

 

[Mrswakefield]

I really wasn't trying to drag drama in here. I was just in desprite need of advice. I had told him earlier that at this point i'm a fully loaded pistol with the hammer pulled back. No bs, one more insadent and someone is gonna get hurt. He over looked me.

 

[36tinybells]

Everyone has power. Whether you choose to use it is up to you.

As someone who will never post pics due to a restraining order intact after a decade, listen to the man. Do not sell yourself out now. Later it will fup your world. Be the real you, follow your true instincts. Ask yourself what the 10 year old you would do and that is probably the right way to go. Remember, your kid will eventually see how you are allowing yourself to be treated and that will matter. A lot.

 

[daisyd]

It's quite alright dear. That's what we're here for. There are people here at ECF that know more about me than my RL friends do.

 

[Mrswakefield]

It's quite alright dear. That's what we're here for. There are people here at ECF that know more about me than my RL friends do.

The only other person I had to talk to is asleep and if I would of mentioned it him, he would of been on his way (6hour drive) to get me and my son.

 

[orachel]

Oh wow, good for you, Mrs! And yeah, the thing is, there's not understanding how your spouse is being affected by your inadvertently hurtful behavior, and then there's being deliberately obtuse. He obviously realizes you're very very upset, cause you've voiced that a bunch of times. But making it clear that something has to give, or else... boy, I hate ultimatums, but seems like in relationships it always comes down to one. Good luck, hon!

And yeah, I'm a lot less vocal with real life friends, too. Noone would be chatting with you who didn't want to, hon. You've got to have a safe place to land with supportive voices around you..and these people and this place seem like a good choice.

 

[Psyche]

I really wasn't trying to drag drama in here. I was just in desprite need of advice. I had told him earlier that at this point i'm a fully loaded pistol with the hammer pulled back. No bs, one more insadent and someone is gonna get hurt. He over looked me.

No honey, we're all here for you. Honestly! I hope he sees the light.

 

[VapingTurtle]

(Game started 4/15 @ 11:55pm)

As of 11:55pm EDST on Saturday 4/7
Vision VOLT Game -- Round #1
Pick 2 numbers from 1 to 200

Check the board for available numbers:
Link to Gotvapes Game Board!
Colored cells are taken.

There will be one winning number chosen via Random.org at the end of the contest.
Prize: GV Vision VOLT Karma Kit - 450mah Fat 510 Stick Style