Help How to Handle 89 Year Old Neighbor's Attack on E Cigarettes

[~ puff ~]

There's a lot of seniors living in the same apartment building as me. The longest tenant of 27 years, an avid non-smoker, an 89 year old woman who's nosey, self-professed know it all and likes to stick her nose in other people's business verbally attacked me this evening for "being out there smoking e cigarettes".

I answered her simply, "these are not cigarettes".

She pitched a fit, the gist of which was "they have nicotine in them."

I left, before I said something I might regret. Another lady came out and the two fought some more over pvs and the third woman argued "you have no right to tell this girl how to live her life"!

Do you think I should write a letter to apartment manager?

So far, I lay low, I follow mostly smoker's rules (no smoking in hallways, no smoking within 15 feet of the door) because had hoped to disappear into the crowd of smokers and not be noticed. Don't wanna cause any wars.

To smoothe ruffled feathers, I've had a vaping party with 510 and 808 devices, various flavored carts and both nicotine AND non-nicotine juice on hand.

I thought the party went well, but I think it backfired today. At a loss as to what to do. Don't know much about handling elderly Dutch and German and others.

Any suggestions??

blown away and needing a real cigarette argh

 

[Loveridden]

I also live in an apartment building with a lot of nosey gossipy seniors, the worst one lives below me and she just drives me nuts. I know she didn't like it when I smoked, tho I never smoked near the door or inside or in the halls, when I did smoke I only smoked on my balcony and I had a place for my cigarette butts. I can only imagine that she would pitch a fit and find something to complain about if she learned I was using electronic cigarettes, and inside no less!! No one in my apartment building right now knows that I use them period, I keep it on the downlow here because no one listens, they always think what they are gonna think, and they think the worst of you. Someone on the first floor was smoking, and smoking inside, and MY door got knocked on because they knew I used to smoke, even tho I never smoked inside, ever. There was an inspection that day so the management was inside the building. I asked them, you just inspected my apartment, does it smell like cigarette smoke to you?? They said no, not at all. I said I DON'T SMOKE and whoever was saying that was wrong. I knew there was a smoker on the first floor but I'm not a rat so I just said I don't smoke, and I just keep my e-cigs to myself as my business. I would love to be as brave as you are and use them freely around here and even have a party to introduce people to what they are!! But it's just unrealistic to me, the people in my apartment are stuck in their way of thinking, they don't like anyone considerably younger than them, nor trust them, and that was obvious from day one, even tho I tried to be a friendly and helpful neighbor to them. It's really put a sour taste in my mouth to living in an apartment with elderly people, they look at me like I am gonna party all night and do drugs and illegal things, even tho I am in my 30s and have a child and never get in any trouble. I feel your frustration, believe me.

 

[Jetmec]

There is nothing you can do to change their perception about anything. My mom is 92 and I love her very much but I have learned that there is nothing in the world that can change her mind on anything she has an opinion on, which is everything so I have learned to just go with the flow, let her have her opinion and just keep loving her and enjoying her. Older people can be a pain some timed but remember that some day you will be there too.

 

[Loveridden]

If I end up being that much of a you-know-what when I'm older I hope someone shoots me lol. Just a few things my wonderful neighbors (mostly one neighbor) has done:

Suggested my son and I really need religion, several times. Said she would talk my son to her church, several times

Posted a magazine article in the hallway about how premarital sex is very very wrong. I know it was towards me since I have a long term bf but am not married. At least I got some really nice thumb tacks out of that.

Stole my recycling LOL - also heard that one of my neighbors goes through the garbage

Told management I was doing things I couldn't possibly be doing, and I told management why that was impossible

Made a "stairway police" club and knocked on my door, saying they wanted to make the stairs cleaner. I asked what I could do, because I noticed the carpet on the stairs was quite dirty. I was then accused of dirtying up the stairs and asked to stop dragging my garbage bags. I had nothing to do with the dirtiness of the stairs, and would have also spoken to management or helped clean the stairs just to be helpful

In the middle of the day when I had to hammer a few nails into a book shelf, I was asked to bring the book shelf down 3 flights of stairs and hammer it in the garage instead, and quite rudely.

Several little passive agressive notes get put up in the hallway and I do think most of them are accusing me, even though I am just trying to keep my head down as much as possible and not bother anyone!

When taking out cardboard boxes for recycling, asked bluntly, So are you moving??

My bf was asked directly, Are you the biological father of her child???

Someone silly-stringed my car

I try to be as quiet as possible at night, but sometimes, even though I am actively trying to have a night time volume, my neighbor pounds on the ceiling with something to shut me up, as if I am being really really loud.

My neighbor directly downstairs always sits by her balcony window and stares right at me every time I go in or out, even if I look at her she does NOT turn away or pretend she is not staring. She also smirks at me constantly.

These are just a few things lol. It makes it quite unpleasant to live here.

 

[~ puff ~]

Read and re-read above posts...

Head is too scrambled to make a good, well-thought answer tonight.

Gonna sleep on it and hope I wake with a really good idea of what to do. Til then, your are welcome!!

~ puff ~

 

[RobertH]

Unless you are 89 yourself you can just wait it out. How much longer could she have ,, 10 years top's. when some people get old their main pass time is btching and moaning about what others do. And i always agree with them being that they have spent this long on earth they have earned the right to raise a little h3ll now and then.
Buy her some flowers/plant and tell her you are sorry for upsetting her and just lay low when she's around. In the end you'll feel better about the whole thing.
Take care and have a nice weekend,,Rob.

 

[drac]

At 89 that is probably the only enjoyment she gets out of life. Just smile and nod and keep saying You're Right. That will send her up a wall.

 

[18SixFifty]

At 89 that is probably the only enjoyment she gets out of life. Just smile and nod and keep saying You're Right. That will send her up a wall.

That would also be my advice.

 

[therealcmac]

Reminds me of the elderly folks here complaining about noisy airplanes flying overhead......WE LIVE NEXT TO A MILITARY BASE AND AN AIRPORT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

 

[Bdbodger]

If you have neighbors that are non tolerant then you just have to grin and bear it . They won't change and it eventually becomes a battle of wills . All you can do is take the high road , offer information and a URL to CASAA.org or some other place that they can get info from . They are ignorant and if they refuse to get educated then that is their problem .

 

[DemonCleaner]

At 89, she's had a good life. You know what you have to do. Make it quick.

 

[WolfeReign]

yeap! 89 years old and still walking pretty much up right and being able to live on her own, forget the fact she is that age and has earned the right to say what she wants when she wants and how she wants, or what she has lived through in her life, and what possible common ground you might be able to find.......being a (now) ex smoker with a pv is by far worse.....make it look like a accident...

 

[Apptiger]

For Puff and Loveridden - Not an easy solution or an easy answer. For brief time I had job that dealt with in home visits to the elderly. What I found is that most needed or wanted more human contact and social interaction.
They are generally isolated and alone most of the time. Some of them look for ways to start trouble just to have some social contact. Sometimes it is done unconsiously, almost as a defense mechanism.
In short they don't have enough to do.
It can take a lot of time, a lot of patience and effort on your part to change things. But, if you have the time and patience just smile and ask them how their days was. It'll throw them for a loop. Make it about them instead of you. You might get a earful and stand there politley listening for what might seem like forever. Keep at it, eventually they will understand that negative attention isn't working.
If you are up for it, knock on their door when going to the store to ask if they need anything, etc. Go to to that church with them and try to talk with their pastor about their issues, get his advice and talk with him about getting them more visits or more involved with senior activity at the church, etc.
You might wind up with a new friend, or a new 89 year old "child" that needs your attention as much as a kid, you might wind up with a more pleasant neighbor, every situation is different.

 

[Bdbodger]

At 89 if I make it that far I won't care anymore I'll say any stupid thing I want to and I'll stick to it . It will help to keep my blood flowing .

 

[DaveP]

I used to have a next door neighbor in subdivision who would get down on her hands and knees and pull weeds out of her lawn by hand and put them in grocery bags. She would remind me constantly when my grass needed to be cut, starting when you could see an inch of growth since the last time. Each time, I would wait another few days, just to prove that she couldn't control when I cut grass!

Apartment living satisfaction is completely dependent on who your neighbors are. I'd look for a detached home to rent or an apartment complex where you have existing friends. It's a hassle to move, but the results can be gratifying.

 

[mopar]

Throw her a football, then watch her explode as she catches it Gotta be brittle as heck!

 

[CityLights]

The longest tenant of 27 years, an avid non-smoker, an 89 year old woman who's nosey, self-professed know it all and likes to stick her nose in other people's business verbally attacked me this evening for "being out there smoking e cigarettes". I answered her simply, "these are not cigarettes". She pitched a fit, the gist of which was "they have nicotine in them." .. ... At a loss as to what to do. Don't know much about handling elderly Dutch and German and others.

Carry a good vid cam. Tell her she's a Star! Share it with us!

 

[Dougiestyle]

If you live directly above her, put the stopper in the tub, turn the water on, go enjoy a night out on the town.

* Make sure anything of yours that may be damaged is up on a shelf.

 

[RollandOfGilead]

I will never live in another apt building. Seniors are unreasonable, most should not be allowed to contact the public, some should be put down...... i actually had a neighbor in the last apt i lived in call the police because i was VACUUMING at 2PM and the noise was bothering them.

 

[farmer_bric]

Lets not go too far with the stereotyping here. I know of LOTS of "teenagers" "women" "fat people" "smokers" "bankers" .........." insert whatever you want here"