Hypothetical Parental Vape Ethics

[Pete M]

So I've got a toddler so this sort of thing is hypothetical but it's the sort of thing I think about having to handle in the future when he grows up to be a dumb teenager like his Dad was... Wondered if any parents with older kids have had to handle smoking/vaping situations?

If you caught them with cigs would you say at least vape on the thinking that he'll just get his hands on either vapes or cigarettes in that mysterious way teens always do? Or advise against them both outright because having an addiction to nicotine whichever way they get it is a pretty bad thing to have?

Similarly you find a juul in their drawer would you tell them that it's meant to be for people already smoking trying to give up and stop it right now, sunshine? Or just think it's a stupid teen fad like those fidget spinners last year and hope they grow out of it since teens tend to do stuff their parents tell them not even more?

 

[DeloresRose]

I know the PC answer is vaping is for people 18 and older (or whatever the legal age is where you are).

But, damn, I wish it had been around when I was a stupid kid. I wish I’d been able to pick up a Juul instead of a Pall Mall!

My kids were adults by the time vaping really happened, but I’m sure I would have said they weren’t allowed. I doubt I’d have been as adamant about it as smoking though. I mean, you gotta at least make a show of disapproval.

 

[Violetti Usva]

When I started smoking tobacco my parents bought me tobacco from the get go and I was about 15. Granted, I'd been in and out of mental institutions and am covered in self-inflicted scars, so ironically they were buying me tobacco in the hopes it would help me live longer. In fact, I distinctly remember my mum saying that if I felt like killing myself, cutting myself, or taking drugs then I should try have a cigarette and think of it as a long term plan instead. Hey, I'm still here and I vape now so I guess it slightly worked....

My point is, there is no hard and fast rule, you have to play it by ear. If you can keep your child away from years of constant abuse then maybe it wont be quite as difficult a situation for you as it was for my mum - encouraging a slow death in the hopes that I wouldn't choose a quicker route - but even then I know that many people have even worse mental health than I do despite "perfect" upbringings.

 

[somdcomputerguy]

My roommate's older 2 grandkids are 13 and 14. She smokes, I vape. This is going to come up soon, like in a few days/weeks/months, it already has a bit, I've overheard a few questions anyway. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm gonna handle it. I'm just going to be outright and factual about it, and talk to them like the young adults they soon will be. I know that she'll (strictly) just tell them to do neither, so they're gonna do one or the other..

 

[Eskie]

I think the best you can do is make sure they understand the damage cigarettes cause, and explain an e cig also has nicotine in it, so it's still related to tobacco. Given a choice, sure, the pragmatic answer is it's better to vape than smoke, but do whatever is reasonably possible to discourage both.

 

[Ceejay0875]

Have two boys, now 22 and 15. I am under no dissolution that they have never picked up a mod in my absence and taken a puff or two. They say they never have, but whatever, I was young once upon a time. They know the nicotine eases the inflammation of my arthritis, so for me it is medicinal. They are both thrilled that I know longer stink up the garage with cigarettes. I have told them both that if I had to choose what would be better for them between smoking and vaping, vaping wins hands down. BUT, I've also told them that it can get expensive, and life is expensive enough so if they can do without, they are better off completely abstaining from either. My oldest comments about aome of the flavors that I use, that they sound really good, and I said well, you are an adult, if you want to try you can, but there is nicotine in it....he just smiled and says "that's ok, I've never felt the need to, but the flavor sounds good that's all."
Good luck to everyone struggling with this issue.

 

[stols001]

I think it's a reasonable question, although you may be asking it a bit early, LOL. My son started experimenting with tobacco, I was not exactly surprised and asked me for a vape. He was under age, I bought it for him, no questions asked, other than "You obviously cannot bring this to school, please don't make my life harder than it already is. He vaped for several years, then quit vaping fairly successfully for a bit, and gifted me his gear. It was an excellent guilt gift given I was headed rapidly towards COPD at 3 ppd, I was like, "My kid can quit vaping but I can't even SWITCH to vaping?" and it was definitely a huge motivator for ME.

I would have loved vaping to "be there" for me instead of tobacco growing up, and I also believe any kid confessing their use and asking for assistance is mature enough to handle it. I was just glad he hadn't been smoking long.

I will say, the answer everyone wants to hear is "no way" and "it's illegal" and it most certainly is (although actually at the time, my municipality had NO ordinances on vaping at all, so it kind of was legal, I guess.)

My main points of thought were, "I know vaping enough to know there's less harm involved," and secondarily, "I as his mom, have been smoking in front of him so what on earth else would I expect?"

So that judgment thing just wasn't there for me, at ALL. The only person I judged was myself, and perhaps a society that prohibits harm reduction as heavily as tobacco use.

Back when the Juul was being demonized well, I was kind of disgusted that teens were crying "harm foul, I'm addicted" and it was lovingly reported that the school principal was "attempting"' to get Nicotine replacement pharmaceutical options to the kid, as if the patch or gum where somehow "better' or "less harmful" than vaping and it was sort of my understanding (I may be wrong) that NRT pharmaceuticals are ALSO illegal for teens so I saw it as hypocrisy of the highest order.

However my main point is that parents should address this personally, and separately from the government. That may never really happen in an ongoing wall, but it most certainly should in my opinion.

Anna

 

[Baditude]

You should also explain the legal ramifications as well as the health-related ramifications to your minor children.

In most states in the US, there are age restrictions for both tobacco and e-cigarette use. Should you supply your children with either one before they turn legal age in your state, you can be charged with supplying a minor with an illegal substance. In Ohio, that is a hefty fine and potential jail time.

On a personal level, my soon to be 18 year old daughter wanted her own vape setup for her 18th birthday. She wanted to vape recreationally with no-nic flavors. Her peers were already smokers, and although she didn't want to start smoking, she shared she was feeling peer pressure to either smoke or vape when hanging out with her friends.

I was somewhat torn to start her out with a vape setup since she wasn't a smoker, but also knew that I didn't want her to start smoking either. Peer pressure can be quite strong at that age. I rationalized vaping with zero nic was better than taking a chance that she could end up smoking. Her 19 year old brother had already begun smoking and was part of that same peer group. And I didn't believe the myth that vaping can be a gateway activity to start smoking.

I did provide her with a vape setup for her birthday, and she did vape recreationally when she was with her friends. Her smoking friends were intrigued with her vaping, and some of them switched from smoking to vaping. Even her brother began to vape instead of smoking, as did her boyfriend. Funny how Sister was more influential than Dad to encourage the switch.

 

[Eskie]

It's a bit like how talk with your teens about alcohol. Do you really believe they won't try a beer or a drink before 21? Do you let them have a sip at home. Do you discuss driving while drinking even though they shouldn't drink at their age? (I did)

These are the reasons we made our parents hair turn grey and now we're finding out what that feels like with our own kids.

 

[vapdivrr]

I guess times have surly changed and sometimes, I'm really glad I never had kids, because I probably would of brought them up like my folks did with me, very strictly. Perhaps it doesn't work like this anymore, but I would tell them no way because you need to be 18 and that's that, period, and if I catch you doing it, your on restriction for a week and take your stuff away....after 18, no problem.

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[Eskie]

I guess times have surly changed and sometimes, I'm really glad I never had kids, because I probably would of brought them up like my folks did with me, very strictly. Perhaps it doesn't work like this anymore, but I would tell them no way because you need to be 18 and that's that, period, and if I catch you doing it, your on restriction for a week and take your stuff away....after 18, no problem.

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Ah, you say that now. Believe me, it's never that simple.

But it does explain why you have no grey in your hair in your avatar

 

[HauntedMyst]

I would think that after finding the Juul, they'd be spending their summer in an non-air conditioned very humid Malaysian shoe factory making Nike knockoffs for $1.12 a day in the 98 degree heat and that would teach them to do what I say.

 

[ScottP]

You cannot stop your kids from doing what they want behind your back. Think back to when you were a teen, did your parents telling you not to do something actually work? The best you can do with any behavior and make sure they understand the risks and consequences and let them make their own choice....they will anyway.

The hardest thing I ever had to teach my kid was how just because there were no consequences to a risky behavior the first time didn't mean that it would turn out fine every time. It seemed like every time she would get caught doing something risky and we would point out what "could happen" she would respond with "it's fine, that's not going to happen".

I think I finally got though when I sat her down and pulled out a pair of dice. I had her pick a number between 1 and 6. I pointed out that when rolling two dice that there was only about a 3% chance to roll doubles of the number she picked. I started rolling and re-rolling the dice while talking and pointed out how even if the risks she was taking only had a 3% chance of "something bad" happening, that doing the behavior was like rolling the dice every single time, and if she kept on doing the behavior, eventually her number would come up. I elaborated a bit more listing out some of her behaviors and possible consequences, and kept talking until I actually rolled doubles of her number. I said it MIGHT be OK the first time, or even the 20th time, but if you keep on rolling the dice your number will always eventually come up.

This is not to say that she never takes needless risks anymore, but I do think she understands the concept of risk and repeated risk and thinks about her decisions a bit more. She is also 18 now so we really have no control at all anymore. Since turning 18 she did start vaping despite our warnings and efforts, but I sleep at night just fine knowing that I did everything I could to make sure she understood the risks.

 

[stols001]

That's a really good idea, actually.

I kinda gave up in the end, because nothing I did or said mattered. TBH, I'm kind of grateful the Juvenile Justice system ends at 18, because I got awful tired of "undergoing the consequences" with my kid.

When he hit 18 (he had all the info he had only been attending various gatherings of "this is what drugs and alcohol do to you and you don't HAVE to like, do them,") well, when he hit 18 I told him I would bail him out ONE time, and that one time was ENOUGH because the horrible consequences just all hit him at once including not being able to drive for 3 years plus probation and a night in jail.

My mom was musing all about how they were "so much nicer" to juveniles, and I informed her they were "entirely too nice to the kid and not nice enough to the parents, because frankly, if I'd shoved him in leg irons in the basement from age 15 until whenever, *I* would have had CPS and the wrath of the school system and the authorities and everything else descending upon my kid. I did not WANT to make my kid's choices, frankly because that is how you LEARN in my opinion, and I sincerely think that the only way short of hateful, legal consequences for my kid to be okay would have been leg ironing him. Since that was not PRACTICAL, well, I just told him he had one shot, so to make it count. . And it so, so did.

LOL when the kiddo informed me he did not want me to come to "parents day," I just laughed and said that was fine with me, because I had "already completed parents day" with my own parents and that I now had better things to do in my life than come to "parents day" and that it probably would have been a waste of time, because we were both entirely clear on whose fault the situation was, and it wasn't MY fault because I had literally done everything possible, and that I found parents day and rehab boring but that I hoped he was enjoying himself.

By fate and fortune that seemed to do the trick. LOL;

Anna

 

[vapdivrr]

Ah, you say that now. Believe me, it's never that simple.

But it does explain why you have no grey in your hair in your avatar

I know, I'm all talk because I never had kids, so tbh, I'm not really sure how I would handle it....I do have some grey now, that avatar is when I first joined like 6.5 years ago

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[Grimwald]

Smoking always has nicotine (and lots of other harmful stuff). Vaping can be nicotine free. So if it's peer pressure then vaping is obviously better and likely not addictive if nicotine free. My kids are grown and fortunately did not take up smoking, but, knowing what I know today, I could see myself reluctantly allowing them to vape.

 

[Pete M]

Loads of good advice here! I know it's very much premature for me to be worrying about this kind of thing, but I do wonder about the sort of parental attitudes towards vaping there are. I love the dice idea! It's really interesting reading everyone's approach

The thing is of course by the time he's a teen which is a good decade and a bit away the nature of smoking and vaping will have changed into something very different no doubt - maybe both will have been banned so it won't even be an issue.

And that's assuming our robot overlords (or Alexa/Google) haven't taken over as well..

 

[United States]

When they are little, set examples. Be consistant. Chances are 50/50 they won't smoke.

If they do, accept it but let them know it's forbidden in the house. Reason being "they'll put mom and dad in jail for letting the kids smoke" in some cities. You'll also be teaching them that sometimes they cannot just do what they want, when they want and where they want to. Boundries start at home.

My wife and I smoke. My boys do not. Hers do. Hence the 50/50 thing. We just stuck to our guns on the no smoking allowed until 18. When they got in trouble I'd preach "you're not a good criminal, so quit doing criminal stuff"... ie quit getting caught.

We have a grandson in the house now. His parents smoke and now understand why we did what we did. I just laugh and enjoy the times when I hear "you're pretty smart for a grownup" lol.

Also keep in mind that 80% of the reason teens do dumb stuff is because society says "don't you dare do that"....