I'm Looking/Hoping For Couch-Space (And Temporary Work) Across The Country

[DCrist721]

I've been single for a few weeks now, after losing my girlfriend of two years, and I've been trying to tell myself that I was was okay and it wasn't a big deal, and that it was her mistake. But this weekend some stuff went down that just made it too hard to continue to successfully lie to myself. We were supposed to get married after college, I'm so lost now.[EDIT: Some excessive content removed because it was distracting from the purpose of the thread.] All my friends are away at school for another month at least - I was the only who stayed behind really, and that was because of my Lisa. So I don't even really have anything/anyone here to distract me. I could have gone to Pepperdine University in California, with a scholarship, but instead I stayed in NY for her.

Anyway, there's too much here that reminds me of her, and if I'm ever going to get over her, I need to leave NY and keep myself busy elsewhere. I'm going to try one final time to get her back, but if that doesn't work I need to get off this oversized rock that people call Long Island. I registered on couchsurfing.com, but I'd rather stay in vaping-friendly homes and with people that I feel like I kind-of know. I need to get out and live a little, and I've always wanted to travel around.

I'd be very happy to do any cleaning, or especially cooking that you need done, or anything else (that doesn't require heavy lifting) to earn my stay. I'm also really good with kids, and I just learned how to change diapers, lol. I'm looking to stay for a week or two at each stop, and I would really like to find some temporary work to do while I'm there to pay for my gas across the country. Eventually I'd like to find my way to California and maybe stay with my uncle out there for the summer.

If for some reason you feel that things aren't working out, just give me a day or two of notice and I'll be out of there. People often equate "hippie" as being the same term as "stoner" or "pothead" but they are very different. Being a hippie does not necessarily mean that you smoke marijuana at all, in fact, I rarely smoke at all anymore, and I don't use anything else other then alcohol and nicotine. A stoner is someone who smokes weed everyday and wastes their life a way. A hippie is someone who actively pursues changing the world for the better, be it the environment, society, government, or just someone's day. For instance, people often associate my long hair with me being a stoner, when in fact, I merely grow my hair out on a regular basis so I can donate it to Locks of Love. I actually just got my hair cut this week to donate . So just to clarify, I promise not to bring anything illegal into your home.

Maybe I'm a little too trusting of people, but I don't have any valuables and have very little money, and my car is almost 20 years old and looks like cr@p. So I really have nothing to benefit anyone else.

Feel free to call me and talk to me for a while before offering up your couch, or you could talk to Spikey or any of the other LI Vapers Club members who have met me in person. And anyone who wants to let me stay but feels a little-uneasy about letting some strange college kid into their house, you will be free to search my car, my bags, my pockets, etc. before I leave to put your mind at ease. And you're also you're welcome to search my belongings when I arrive if you're concerned about me bringing anything into your home. I want to be completely transparent so you can be as comfortable as possible about allowing me to stay in your home.

 

[Oldnamenomore]

I know how you feel I let cigs end a 2 1/2 year relationship with an extremely hot and cool girl. Life sucks sometimes but good luck

 

[BARENETTED]

Dcrist,

I feel for you, but try to stay positive. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. For every door that closes, another will open. Believe me, one day you will look back at this and wonder why you were so upset.

FYI - drinking yourself into oblivion is not going to help. Face the problem, grieve as long as you need to, and then move on.

 

[DCrist721]

Dcrist,

I feel for you, but try to stay positive. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. For every door that closes, another will open. Believe me, one day you will look back at this and wonder why you were so upset.

FYI - drinking yourself into oblivion is not going to help. Face the problem, grieve as long as you need to, and then move on.

I know drinking won't help, but it makes things less painful.

I feel like no matter how upset I am, when I look back on this I'm going to wonder why I wasn't more upset. She was different then any other girl. I was in love with her before we even met or I knew what she looked like. She was friends with my best friend at the time, and we had both been at his house on the same day a number of times, and just missed each other by a few minute. We started talking online one day and I was in love in a couple of days. Other girls have taken me weeks to fall in love with, and they never made me feel the way that she did.

I just need to get out of NY. I'll never be able to get over her with so many things around me that remind me of her.

 

[radiokaos]

Dude,

All I can say is that it will get easier over time. If you are looking for adventures, come out west, or go up North. Drinking is not going to solve your problems although it seems like it. Get out and do something new. Go to the Gym, start some vaping parties. I will be out in the Hamptons this summer for 2 weeks if you want to crash locally. I'm not a religious person but maybe church or synagogue might shed some light, plus it is a great way to meet some girls that have a similar upbringing as you.

Drop me a pM if you need to vent.

 

[fenez]

Dcrist why ya so down? you have this whole community to keep you company. For all you know tomorrow could be your day or the day after that. I know everything seems bad but the truth is that in a short time you will put it behind you and move on. But since you need someone to plead your case, I met Dcrist and he is a nice guy and easy to talk to looks presentable is well spoken and doesn't seem to eat much, Dude and do not drink to the excess it won't help, get out there and meet a new girl.

 

[Liberate_Yourself]

DC.. We are in the same boat at the moment. If you wanna chat about it, just skype me. I'd be more than happy to shoot the sh*t. Feel better man, I can definitely relate to where you are at right now.

 

[tribalmasters]

Hippies don't mind gays do they!? Maybe a used camper van will be a useful purchase for travelling!

 

[Caesarea]

could have gone to Pepperdine University in California, with a scholarship, but instead I stayed in NY

Is there any way you can still transfer to another uni??

 

[DCrist721]

Dude,

All I can say is that it will get easier over time. If you are looking for adventures, come out west, or go up North. I'm not a religious person but maybe church or synagogue might shed some light, plus it is a great way to meet some girls that have a similar upbringing as you.

Is the "come out west" an offer for a place to stay for a few days, or just a suggestion?

And I'm not a religious person either, and I'm generally against organized religion. That's not to say that I'm an atheist, I just can't put my faith in any religion of man, and I feel that "organized" is just another word for "controlled."

Dcrist why ya so down? you have this whole community to keep you company. For all you know tomorrow could be your day or the day after that. I know everything seems bad but the truth is that in a short time you will put it behind you and move on. But since you need someone to plead your case, I met Dcrist and he is a nice guy and easy to talk to looks presentable is well spoken and doesn't seem to eat much, Dude and do not drink to the excess it won't help, get out there and meet a new girl.

I appreciate your pleading my case, but despite the whole community around me, talking about it doesn't help, meeting new girls hasn't either, it just distracts me for a moment, and then afterwords I feel worse then I started.

DC.. We are in the same boat at the moment. If you wanna chat about it, just skype me. I'd be more than happy to shoot the sh*t. Feel better man, I can definitely relate to where you are at right now.

I'm really sorry that you have to be dealing with this too. Talking about it hasn't really helped me, it just makes me dwell on it more. If you find a girl that actually takes your mind off this ****, you better share her with me.

Hippies don't mind gays do they!? Maybe a used camper van will be a useful purchase for travelling!

No, hippies love gays. Hippies love anyone who's willing to say, ".... societies so called 'norms,' I do what I want!" In fact, the hippies and the gays share a lot of similar ideals, about open sexuality, free-love, being yourself, not caring about what others think, equal rights for all people of the earth, etc, etc.

I don't know what a used camper has to do with gay folk, but I barely have enough money to drive my jeep 800 miles, let alone buy a used camper and try to drive that someplace. I could always sleep in the back of my jeep, but it would be nice to have someplace to shower and cook a warm meal. That's why I was also looking for temporary work as well as a couch, so I could get as far as say, Chicago or St. Loius, and then get enough money to go to Denver or Dallas, and then from their maybe hit Phoenix or Vegas, and then head on out to Southern California (San Francisco and then LA) and finally settle down with my Uncle in a mobile home community in the Malibu area. If I had enough money to just go straight to California, I would, but I don't, and I want to get out of here ASAP.

Is there any way you can still transfer to another uni??

I can, but here's the thing: I scored phenomenally on my SATs in high school on the first try, I scored in the 91st percentile with a 1310, yet in high school my overall average was only an 88. In college now I've been getting even more mediocre grades (Cs, some Bs, a couple of Ds, only one or two As), and have dropped several classes, and now when I go to transfer, they don't care about my SAT scores, they just care about my GPA. My SAT score was the only thing I had going for me, but now it doesn't count for sh*t. And I'm not even in the semi-decent school that I started out in, now I'm just going to community college. So there's no way that I'd be able to get into Pepperdine again, which is practically just below the Ivy League schools.

 

[Caesarea]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caesarea
Is there any way you can still transfer to another uni??

I can, but here's the thing: I scored phenomenally on my SATs in high school on the first try, I scored in the 91st percentile with a 1310, yet in high school my overall average was only an 88. In college now I've been getting even more mediocre grades (Cs, some Bs, a couple of Ds, only one or two As), and have dropped several classes, and now when I go to transfer, they don't care about my SAT scores, they just care about my GPA. My SAT score was the only thing I had going for me, but now it doesn't count for sh*t. And I'm not even in the semi-decent school that I started out in, now I'm just going to community college. So there's no way that I'd be able to get into Pepperdine again, which is practically just below the Ivy League schools.
__________________

~The Forum Hippie~
I think those Sats scores are a great indicator -a fresh start in California would certainly appeal to me. Nothing much I can do to help, but wish you loads of luck making your new plans, DC.



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[eLiciafay]

Man, I wish we had room. Right now my brother and his fiancee are staying with us and we're at capacity. If we could add to the mix, I would in a heartbeat.

You're a cool guy, and I wish you the best! Lisa's an idiot for letting you go. Good men are hard to find.

 

[DCrist721]

Man, I wish we had room. Right now my brother and his fiancee are staying with us and we're at capacity. If we could add to the mix, I would in a heartbeat.

You're a cool guy, and I wish you the best! Lisa's an idiot for letting you go. Good men are hard to find.

You're a very cool person yourself, I hope things work out for your family.

This is probably all my fault anyway. She had asked about having an "open relationship" but I couldn't deal with that, so instead I had us take a break so she could go be with other guys and get that out of her system. Instead of random, meaningless hook ups though, she abandons our relationship and starts dating someone else with a couple of days. I gave her an inch and she stabbed me in the back and took a mile. This guy is tall, very fit and muscular, and at least 2-3 years older then us = how the **** am I supposed to compete with that?? I should have never let her go, this was the worst mistake of my life, and it's all my fault. Now because of her I'll never even be able to love someone that much again, because I'll be too afraid to open myself up to that. She ruined my life, my entire life had been planned around being with her forever, and now shes gone. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I gave her everything, and I thought I treated her better then most guys treat their girlfriends. I have two sisters, so I treatd her the way I'd want other guys to treat my sisters. And I don't know any guy who loved his girlfriend so much that he would let her go be with other guys to make her happy again.

 

[dirt2suck]

DC,

Remember everything happens for a reason. And let it go, you control your own life and how it happens. Bangin your head over this is just making you stumble to get anywhere in life. You are the center of YOUR universe, everything revolves around you, so don't just sit there and think your life is over......it has just begun!

Anyway, I am in southeastern PA and vaping is the new begining in our home.
You can stay here, inside (or if my other half is having a bad week or vib tent outback). We drink, vap, eat wings, have vapor parties, work, sleep and other stuff. I also own/operate 2 businesses Painting and Landscaping. Also Vapor parties (selling with friends) If you need cash and fun time to pass a few days.

Hit me up with a PM if you need directions

Dirt

 

[ShiftySmooth]

You're a very cool person yourself, I hope things work out for your family.

This is probably all my fault anyway. She had asked about having an "open relationship" but I couldn't deal with that, so instead I had us take a break so she could go be with other guys and get that out of her system. Instead of random, meaningless hook ups though, she abandons our relationship and starts dating someone else with a couple of days. I gave her an inch and she stabbed me in the back and took a mile. This guy is tall, very fit and muscular, and at least 2-3 years older then us = how the **** am I supposed to compete with that?? I should have never let her go, this was the worst mistake of my life, and it's all my fault. Now because of her I'll never even be able to love someone that much again, because I'll be too afraid to open myself up to that. She ruined my life, my entire life had been planned around being with her forever, and now shes gone. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I gave her everything, and I thought I treated her better then most guys treat their girlfriends. I have two sisters, so I treatd her the way I'd want other guys to treat my sisters. And I don't know any guy who loved his girlfriend so much that he would let her go be with other guys to make her happy again.

It is your fault. Agreeing to an "open relationship" where she goes and does other guys, while you pine for her is asking for trouble. At that point, it wasnt going to work out, because she was looking for an out. Im sorry to put it to you this way, but I was once like you, hoping that me doing nothing makes the girl come around. Dosent happen like that, and after years of heartbreaks figuring it out, I now have a kid on the way in 3 weeks with the girl of my dreams (cause I made it happen), and I really hope if what you need is a cross country trip.

Just dont be disappointed if a rash decision and hoping others help you out dosent work.

Im not being a **** at this point, im being real, and if u are in the midwest, I have plenty of room to put you up. Or if anything, PM me anytime and we can talk, cause having someone to talk to is the thing to have to move on with your life, in my expierience anyway.

 

[DCrist721]

Thanks dirt2suck, you don't know how much I appreciate that. I think I'm going to try and finish up the last couple of weeks of the semester and hope that a couple of my classes are salvageable. So over the next couple of weeks make up a list of things I can do for you around the house, so that way I have work ready to do once I arrive in order to earn my stay.

ShiftySmooth, I really don't think she was looking for an out at the time. I didn't want to bring this up because it's pretty embarrassing, but it helps to explain some of this. Because of my back problems, I have a lot of trouble in bed. Usually it's the pain the prevents me from climaxing, and sometimes causes ED, but sometimes it's just very numb down there because I have a pinched nerve that (in addition to causing back pain) causes pain and numbness in my left leg, as well as some numbness in in my "middle-leg." So I really don't think she initially wanted the open-relationship in order to be with someone else as a person, but that she just wanted a satisfying sexual experience. While I don't doubt that she has feelings for this guy now, I honestly don't believe that her intentions were to have any attachment to him. In your opinion it may have been a rash decision, but in my opinion it was the only decision I could make. I felt that if I just let things go, that eventually she would just break up with me and leave me for good. I couldn't think of any other choice, I had tried talking to her, but it never helped, and I've known a lot of people who's relationships were really helped out or even saved by having some space for a few weeks.

And I didn't do nothing. I talked to her a bunch of times, I wrote her letters everyday, I got her flowers, I talked to her best-friend, I tried talking to her father, and I took an hour long train ride into the city by myself on three separate days trying to find this artist that Lisa had seen once or twice and really liked. Finally on the third trip when I was just about to give up for the day and come home, I found the artist and was able to buy a piece to give to Lisa. And I thought letting her go on this break was doing something. You know "if you love someone set them free, and if it's meant to be they'll come back." It's just that I could never have expected back then that there would be no coming back.

And even if this is my fault that still doesn't mean that I deserved it.

But despite your cynicism/"realism" I appreciate your offer as well.

I think the hardest part about this for me is trying to accept that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I just can't believe that 2 years of feelings could be gone in a matter of weeks; I guess that I'm hoping that she's just playing some cruel game to test how serious I am about our relationship or something. And I know that's it's terrible if she is, and that I shouldn't want to be with someone who would do that anyway, but I can't help it; I love this girl more then anything, more then my little brother or even my mom. Maybe I could stop by her house, and tell her that I need to kiss her to see if anything is still there, and then attempt to do so. I can't be certain, but I think this would be easier for me if I could tell first-hand that she no longer had any feelings for me, because when someone loves you, you can sense it in their kiss, completely separate from physical/sexual passion. Because since I doubt that she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, I still have hope for us, and since I still have hope for us, I can't begin to get over her. While the initial shock of realizing that she does indeed no longer have any feelings for me would obviously painful, at least it would allow me to lose hope and begin to make steps towards acceptance. And if I see from this kiss that she does still have feelings for me, maybe she will realize it too and we can begin to work things out.

 

[Bruceslog]

I hate seeing a cool dude have to go through crap like this. I feel for ya, man.
Listen, like you said, if you love someone, set them free..
Will she come back ? Who knows... she might. Someday. It might take years. It may never happen.
This is the most painful part of it. The first 2 or 3 months really suck. I know.
My Best advice for you ? Be a man. Don't run away. Deal with it. You can do it. Face life now. Not angrily, but with a new passion. If there is ANY chance that she is even thinking about coming back at some point in time in the future, you'd better be the man she would Want to come back to.
Finish your schooling. Get a great paying job, a job you're passionate about. Start football games with your buddies. Spend time in museums. You've got your ABC"s down now, now Learn the finer things in life. Better Yourself. Find some things you're passionate about. Save the World. Help the Homeless. Volunteer in a soup kitchen once a month or so. Upgrade your wardrobe.
Be upstanding, well liked, even loved by your friends. Be the man everyone can look up to and know that you're straight up about everything. Be Your Hero.
Someday, Maybe, when pretty boy dumps HER, and she bounces around looking for her soulmate, she may remember how well you always treated her. Maybe, her friends will see you growing and improving and being a outstanding Dude, and they might mention it to her. Or they might try to grab you for themselves...
Maybe someday she might run into you again, and be Very impressed with how you've grown and taken life by the horns. She won't see you if you're thumbing your way to California in socks that needed washing 3 days ago though.
And Maybe, when she sees you again, maybe it won't be too late for her, and you Might still be single. If she's lucky.
And if she NEVER does come around again ?
You'll be a improved, happier dude, with a degree, a good paying job, living your passions out, enjoying what you do have and can achieve. You'll be fighting women off, and enjoying every minute of it.

You've lived 2 years of your life for this girl.
She left the nest to spread her wings and grown up.
But don't YOU just sit around and wait for her to grow up, man.
I know you don't feel like doing much of anything right now, but do it anyway. You'd have done it for her if she'd asked. Now do it for you.
Love Yourself too, man. So others see what there is to love within you.
Know what I'm saying ?

K, gotta go now, LEd Zep playing on the FM... Great Tune !

 

[DCrist721]

I don't know how to love myself. I've spent my whole life trying to make other people happy, I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't have any hobbies, unless doing volunteer work is a hobby, but I don't see how it is since it's not something I do for myself, and I've practically alienated all my friends for the two years that Lisa and I were together.

It's not so much that I'm running away, I'm running more towards new experiences and people. I need to get out there and find things that make me happy, make new friends, see things I've never seen before, learn things. I've been wanting to travel around for a while now, and it just seems like a good time to do it.

 

[Bruceslog]

I don't know how to love myself. I've spent my whole life trying to make other people happy, I don't even know who I am anymore, I don't have any hobbies, unless doing volunteer work is a hobby, but I don't see how it is since it's not something I do for myself, and I've practically alienated all my friends for the two years that Lisa and I were together.

It's not so much that I'm running away, I'm running more towards new experiences and people. I need to get out there and find things that make me happy, make new friends, see things I've never seen before, learn things. I've been wanting to travel around for a while now, and it just seems like a good time to do it.

Ok. I'm cool with that line of thought then.
I Hope you have a Awesome time, and keep in touch with the forum !

 

[CssReb]

Post #17

Wow.. that is awesome and good advice.