Hey, all. I'm miserable at the moment. I get severe chronic headaches that are unimaginably painful, impossible to treat (no one knows exactly what kind of headache they are) and are interfering so much with my everyday life. They aren't like migraines; they are short lived (around 2-3 hrs) and I can get multiple headaches a day. I have seen specialist after specialist and haven't gotten anywhere. I've tried natural remedies, a ton of medication, massages and meditation. I have tried incredibly hard to overcome them and thrive despite them, but I'm a college student and it's really hard to continue doing that. They only started around February 2010 and for 15 months I have held my head up and done good work and been, you know, a college student... but I've just run out of energy to be able to try to treat them and be a functional member of society at the same time. These past two weeks have been even more challenging than the rest of the year; I've only had about 5 pain-free hours each day for that long and 4 of those have been a very restless and stress-dream-filled sleep.
I finally had to drop one of my courses this term, and physically can't play in my Wind Ensemble concert tonight. I'm just going a little crazy. On top of everything else, I found out I may have a significant playing injury (I am a horn player) that would literally force me to drop my music degree. There's an equal chance that it's stress, overplaying, lack of sleep... so many other things, but I have such a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I really might have hurt myself this time. Because of my ....ty health, I've had to stop playing at times before but I've never felt this incapable or quite so nervous. The other huge facet to that is that being a musician is the #1 reason I decided to stop smoking. I had other reasons, sure, but that was my overwhelming motivation. So, part of the other reason I'm so terrified to possibly have to stop playing is the fear that I'll lose a huge motivator to stay smoke-free. Another part of me is so stressed I'm not sure it matters right now.
The weather here in WI changed so quickly from winter to spring and just within the last 3 weeks or so. There's a good chance that is what's responsible for my increased headaches and there's a good chance my stress isn't helping. That said, it's incredibly hard not to stress because in 15 months my head has never been quite so volatile and I'm currently on a medication that has been helping immensely for 6 months but all of a sudden doesn't seem to be helping at all. I have appointments with more specialists this summer and I have my fingers crossed but at this very moment it's a little hard to be optimistic.
Zac
I finally had to drop one of my courses this term, and physically can't play in my Wind Ensemble concert tonight. I'm just going a little crazy. On top of everything else, I found out I may have a significant playing injury (I am a horn player) that would literally force me to drop my music degree. There's an equal chance that it's stress, overplaying, lack of sleep... so many other things, but I have such a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I really might have hurt myself this time. Because of my ....ty health, I've had to stop playing at times before but I've never felt this incapable or quite so nervous. The other huge facet to that is that being a musician is the #1 reason I decided to stop smoking. I had other reasons, sure, but that was my overwhelming motivation. So, part of the other reason I'm so terrified to possibly have to stop playing is the fear that I'll lose a huge motivator to stay smoke-free. Another part of me is so stressed I'm not sure it matters right now.
The weather here in WI changed so quickly from winter to spring and just within the last 3 weeks or so. There's a good chance that is what's responsible for my increased headaches and there's a good chance my stress isn't helping. That said, it's incredibly hard not to stress because in 15 months my head has never been quite so volatile and I'm currently on a medication that has been helping immensely for 6 months but all of a sudden doesn't seem to be helping at all. I have appointments with more specialists this summer and I have my fingers crossed but at this very moment it's a little hard to be optimistic.
Zac
