Last person to post in this thread Wins!!!
- Thread starter UntamedRose
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I was thinking Humpty Hump Day... Do the Humpty Hump, yeah do the Humpty Hump!
Hump day! Oh wait..this is the kiddie table....it's Humpty Dumpty Day!
If someone can work off the dumpty , god bless you.
Stupid dating agency! They told me I would be going out with a tall, fit blonde, with shoulder-length blonde hair and a dirty mouth who isn't afraid of getting a rough pounding every night. I got paired with Hulk Hogan. 
Stupid dating agency! They told me I would be going out with a tall, fit blonde, with shoulder-length blonde hair and a dirty mouth who isn't afraid of getting a rough pounding every night. I got paired with Hulk Hogan.
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important. "
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Ok, that has got something to do with it, too." said the teacher.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education."
"Well," said Johnny, "it taught those Indians not to f--- with John Wayne."
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important. "
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Ok, that has got something to do with it, too." said the teacher.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education."
"Well," said Johnny, "it taught those Indians not to f--- with John Wayne."
Just a little heads up. This one's in poor taste. Literally.
Did you know ........ is hereditary?
Yep. It runs in your genes.
Did you know ........ is hereditary?
Yep. It runs in your genes.
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.
The doctor asks, "What was the problem?"
The old man says, "Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing."
The doctor says, "Wait a minute. Your wife's friend got involved, too?!"
The man replies, "Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup."
The doctor asks, "What was the problem?"
The old man says, "Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing."
The doctor says, "Wait a minute. Your wife's friend got involved, too?!"
The man replies, "Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup."
Things Mom Would Never Say:
How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too
Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery
Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week
Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day
Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me.
The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve
Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve
- Happy Mother's Day -
How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too
Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery
Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week
Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day
Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me.
The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.
I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve
Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve
- Happy Mother's Day
-
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "EFF YOU!"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer screw you in front of a large audience in divorce court.
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "EFF YOU!"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer screw you in front of a large audience in divorce court.
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