Love Triangle

[Fr0st8it3]

HAhah Got your attention!

So here's the deal... This is just a vent...

I have a son with a girl named Jen, he's 10 months old, My son (named Kaden) and his mom were staying with me a couple days so I could hang out with my boy...

During this time a girl I was "dating" (Andi) drove past and saw me in the window with another woman with my shirt off..

Granted my shirt is off most the time when I am home.

I then receive a text message stating I'm a cheating lying blah blah blah....

blah blah blah...... Blah

I had told Andi that I was with my son earlier yet she was not under the impression that they were staying with me.... And starts this huge drama festival...

I am at the point in my life where I'm not looking for anything serious, I am currently concentrating on myself and my career... (In today's economy NO ONE can afford to be fired)

They both knew this... I have not been intimate with either any time soon...

From a woman's perspective I just don't understand starting up the drama chipper...

I did not commit to either one, I had told both I don't want to be in a serious relationship... Just Friends...

Women

If you can't relax, cool those hormones and keep it civil as friends... then is there any way to remain friends without all this??

ANY advise would be nice... I'm half tempted to tell her to leave me alone for this childish response...

PS... And why is she driving past my house at 11pm to check if Im awake anyways?

 

[jlcanary]

Sounds like a crazy one to me! haha jk. Seriously...I have no idea. I wish I could help. I hope your situation resolves itself soon.

 

[youtubecommercial]

Jealousy ..... Best thing to do is reinforce the "Were Just Friends" and let them deal with it ... Best thing to do is say as little as possible but reinforce the "Were Just Friends" IMO

 

[Fr0st8it3]

... Best thing to do is say as little as possible but reinforce the "Were Just Friends" IMO....

Saying as little as possible....

I have a pretty big mouth not sure that would work...
I just dont want to hurt either of them...

Good people just alittle possesive

 

[geeker]

How about marrying Jen so you can build a family for your son?

***waits for flames***

 

[kangolf]

Sounds to me that you have a long way to go to grow up. Why don't you think of your son instead of just yourself. Put your shirt on and act like a man. You talk about just wanting to be friends??????No committments???? yet you have a young son that is a result of that. Sure sounds like you are proud of your conquests. And that gal that is driving by late at nite, i would guess you have given her good reason to be doubtful about you.

 

[AngelBunny]

As long as you have been clear (and it sounds like you have) that you are not committed to either one then I don't think there is much more you can do. I, personally, don't understand jealousy ... but I have known plenty of good people with a huge jealous streak and there is no stopping them when they get on a roll about this kind of thing ...

How about marrying Jen so you can build a family for your son?

***waits for flames***

Not flaming you at all ... but I have to strongly disagree with this statement. Marriage does NOT necessarily equal family ... at least not of the functional kind. I am not anti-marriage by any means but if the heart isn't in it for the right reasons I think it is disastrous.

A baby is a horrible reason to get married IMO ... it is entirely possible to raise happy and healthy kids without marrying the other parent. If two people want to be married that is one thing ... but getting married because someone is pregnant is something completely different. My kids are completely happy, well-rounded and taken care of and I have zero intention of marrying their father ...

OK ... off soapbox now

 

[geeker]

Surely, it is the child who will suffer the consequences of this mess. One way or another...

Man up and do the right thing. What is the right thing? You know more than I about the situation. I don't know you or the baby's mother. Just don't knock-up the other girl.

 

[Nestran]

You answered your own question in your ps.

Remember that perception IS reality.

Nestran

 

[Elendil]

I tend to be suspicious of anyone who would come to a forum like this for this type of advice................Seems more like

1. Bragging
2. Feeding the need for attention not gotten elsewhere.

 

[Fr0st8it3]

First off I was half tempted to let the tread die but i thought id comment once more.

I love my son. He will always have a loving father that will bend over backwards for him.
So I repeat... I LOVE my son!

His mother on the other hand has broken trust before, Thus I agree with Angel in saying I will not marry her just because we have a son.

I would also agree this isnt really a forum for "self-help" but you guys are allot cheaper then a head doctor and this is the only forum I visit. 3 cheers for e-cigs!

 

[BrockJ]

Life is a personal experience that we build as we go.

There is no right or worng here and no one owes anybody anything. We are born, sleep and die alone. It's the choices we make along the way that others remember. That's all.

If your comfortable with and feel OK about the situation I don't think you have to explain your feelings or doings to anyone. If others are Ok with who you are and what you do, think, feel, how you handle your own perosnal affairs then fine. If not, well that's Ok too.

My Mother use to always say "If it's something you can't live with, DONT!"
She'd also say "Life not too short to be unhappy, if it only lasted twenty seconds it wouldn't matter if you were on fire. Life's too long to be unhappy."

You don't need to do anything, especially explain yourself. You told each of them what your intentions are with the relationships you have and that's enough.

Just also realize that they have the same rights.

Never tolerate or suffocate. Hence the avatar

 

[Kavik79]

Marriage does NOT necessarily equal family ... at least not of the functional kind. I am not anti-marriage by any means but if the heart isn't in it for the right reasons I think it is disastrous.

A baby is a horrible reason to get married IMO ... it is entirely possible to raise happy and healthy kids without marrying the other parent. If two people want to be married that is one thing ... but getting married because someone is pregnant is something completely different. My kids are completely happy, well-rounded and taken care of and I have zero intention of marrying their father ...

OK ... off soapbox now

*applauds*
I completely agree. I've got a son that I love to death, with a cheating, manipulative ex that I can't stand. If we had gotten married he wouldn't have a happy family, if anything he would be down to one parent, because one of us would've killed the other eventually LOL (slight exaggeration)

 

[Dredbull]

The creepy slow driving soon to be ex is crazy!
Or
She was looking for a booty call.

To much drama cut the crazies off and kick em to the curb, keep the kid.

 

[LisaLisa]

I think you should have told the new girlfriend that the other lady was staying at your place for a few days. Not telling her led her to believe that you were hiding something from her when she found out......and I probably would have thought the same thing if I were in her shoes.

Being upfront, honest and communicating with her exactly what was going on probably would have avoided that mess.

 

[Ashhead]

1. If anyone is so insecure as to drive by at ANY time, just to check anything is waaaaaaay too out there for me.

2. Children need to not be part of any of our adult dramas... Soon they feed on it.

3. Wear what you like in your home, if visability is the issue, buy drapes.

4. (In response to marriage for child's sake) Maybe in 1840, NOT IN THIS CENTURY. Has been proven time and time again to hurt the children more than being orphaned.

 

[Luv2CUSmile]

If you were in a serious relationship with the girl that drove past your place then, Yes, I would have to say you should have been upfront about the kind of time you were spending with your son... (i.e. the mother is staying at your place too) If you are just casually dating her... it shouldn't have been an issue...
Kudos that you can spend time w/ your son and his mother together so he feels some normalcy- marriage is not something that should be brought up for the sake of a child... the child can have a very healthy relationship w/ both parents and grow to be very fulfilled if the parents are along the same lines in communication... He seems to have that with his baby's mother....
The girl driving past your house at 11PM! - Yeah, I agree w/ Dred... either a booty call was in her thoughts or she is Crayzaaaay! Obviously she didn't trust you or she wouldn't have drove by at 11 PM (You don't live on a major highway do you?) - But... to drive past at 11PM...
Cut that loose and let baby's mama know and understand, friendship is all you have w/ a child to raise... & ^5 on concentrating on your kid and career... Do be careful who you get involved with now though... no more babies until you are ready to settle down and start a family, and whoever your next love interest is must know you are a father first... they have to accept that and jealousy of you spending time w/ your baby because it means you will see the mom is childish...


*just realized this original post was some time ago...

 

[535cheetah]

someone stated along the lines of why would you come to this type of forum and post this type of thread .... bugs me ... this is a community people helping eah other out no matter what the question or problem (as long as it is legit and not someone goofing around). maybe if this were in the modding section or something like that it would misplaced topic/question but its in general discus. not on to the problem... how is your prob worked out ? have you talked to her yet? would like to hear some info back on it. myself i would get rid of the late night drive by girl, and concentrate on my son and career and in spare time find another booty call if you wish lol

 

[McWhat]

I tend to walk around my house without pants. I put them on for company and houseguests. Having said that, yes, the current girl is spying on you. Check all electrical outlets, light fixtures, and lampshades for bugs. Since you made the newb mistake of telling her where you live, I'll assume she also knows your real name.

All kidding aside, whether you and her were just dating, or she was just a booty call, it's been my experience that women still expect some fidelity. She may not want or expect a lifetime commitment from you, but she probably doesn't want to be part of your personal harem. I'd reiterate to her that you love your son, and the baby mama will be a part of your life for that reason. Don't be surprised if she can't cope with this. Jealousy can be an ugly thing, and I have seen people jealous and resentful of children of previous relationships.

 

[whistlrr]

generally speaking:
men tend to have a little relationship to get to the sex while
women tend to have a little sex to get to the relationship

As for the "I'm so hot two women want me" aspect

I suppose its all fun and good until you've got a brood of babies, you're all on Jerry Springer -- and somebody loses an eye