"Make 'em laugh" Contest by Vermillion River

[hollyberry]

I posted this here too...so funny!

Best Email Ever - Missy, the Missing Cat - from Shannon Walkley to David Thorne
Shannon asks Dave to help her create a reward poster for her missing cat. Click on link and enjoy!

"yeah thats not what I was looking for at all."

 

[sophie_lapin]

HOLLYBERRY - Im so sorry... I don't know how I missed it!

Here's one for the Chuck Norris fans...

 

[uba egar320]

Hairball - Im so sorry... I don't know how I missed it!

Here's one for the Chuck Norris fans...

That man is lucky to be alive!!!

Chuck Norris is so tough, his beard gets wifi!

 

[sophie_lapin]

One of the comments said that the Blendtec's blades are made from 2 hairs of Chuck Norris' beard.

That man is lucky to be alive!!!

Chuck Norris is so tough, his beard gets wifi!

 

[uba egar320]

One of the comments said that the Blendtec's blades are made from 2 hairs of Chuck Norris' beard.

I wouldn't doubt that a bit. I'm just wondering how they extracted those hairs? That would be a deadly feat, unless they were donated. Even then, the measures went through just to cut them from his face must have been massive.

I once thought I saw Chuck Norris shaving with a knife, down by a creek. Turns out he was just sharpening his knife on his beard!

 

[uba egar320]

When Chuck passed by me after he got done sharpening his knife, I said, "Have a nice day Chuck." He immediately roundhouse kicked me in the face!......No one tells Chuck Norris what to do.....

 

[uba egar320]

I also heard he visited the Virgin Islands. Now they just call them the Islands...

 

[hollyberry]

Oh, no problem! It's funny enough to be posted twice.

HOLLYBERRY - Im so sorry... I don't know how I missed it!

Here's one for the Chuck Norris fans...

 

[Adrena]

 

[woody55]

#8

Smartest Man in the World
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

 

[thehangdude]

#7After last call, an officer noticed a man leaving the bar so drunk that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car. He sat there for a few minutes, as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car. He flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and switched on the lights. At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer now started up the patrol car, put on the lights and pulled the man over and preformed a breath test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all! The officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the drunkard. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

 

[ksmith]

iRon​

It all began with an iPhone...


March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone.
He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!

 

[Lauralie]

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES...


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..."




He sighed........




"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

Oh my.....I really needed this laugh today!!!

 

[rbuck9]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another
wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

 

[harley41]

# 4) .Don't need horses to herd cattle anymore.........this is funny

RC Round Up !Very Funny! - YouTube

 

[ZooKansas]

Post#3:

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

 

[harley41]

K-9 Training

1316646219.mp4 video by pahoaharley - Photobucket







#5

 

[kritter]

http://www.freefunnypictures.org/pi...-Girl-Picture.jpg.pagespeed.ic.kdz5SMrqpV.jpg
post # 10

 

[harley41]

#6 Parrothead

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red,
orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:
"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not
choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style, he responded without batting an eyelid ....

"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if
you might be my kid."

 

[TheJack]