PV and Atty Abuse Reporting Thread

[Ciego]

*** Carrying a pad, pencil, laptop, brailler Pocket Pal (don't ask) and PV, the erstwhile reporter from the PV Picayune enters ***

Holy Glycol! My readers will never believe this... Cleavage....bush...kitties...swings... I really should have taken that job with the Enquirer.

** Blows a puff of vapor into the air. The vapor promptly assumes the shape of a perfect likeness of a perky female breast. Being blind, the reporter doesn't notice ***

 

[zadane]

this is my minor bit of abuse lol



it's necessary though lol

 

[Ciego]

** The reporter from the PV Picayune quickly scribbles Zadane's comments. **

(I don't believe it! Zadane just copped to minor abuse!)

Golly, where has everybody gone? And why do I smell tacos?

 

[bonniegirl]

*opens courtroom door, adjusts Dolce and Gabbana blouse (they never fit a well endowed woman, made for the anorexic sort) looks around, locks chin in an upward stalwart position and enters the swinging doors to the defense table*
Well Hello your Honor, My but you do look well rested after the holiday break....How was your Hanukkah? I hope you enjoyed the lovely fruit basket my firm sent you. I asked that the fruit be ripe and ready to eat. Did you find that so?
My but the temperature in here is divine. It is usually sooooo....uhmmm.....stuffy....YES....stuffy in here. *Menopause does really suck*......your honor, I ask for a small delay in the proceedings today as I await my partner Ms. Eeka Chu. She has the briefs for our cases and she is ....uhmmm.....eating.....UHMMMM...waiting for a car......YES waiting for a car. It seems with the post holiday shopping for sales *you know the cheap ones that get wrapping paper and bows at 75% off, wait, I did that yesterday......* and all has tied all of the cabbies up.......*God help us if she has them tied up*....May I ask for a 15 minute recess to allow for the defense to collect itself.....*God knows we never collect from these deadbeat clients, murderers and
murderesses alike*...I should hope we would be ready to begin in a short while.
*looks down at watch and checks court clock and beads of sweat appear down temples and into cleavage......Where in the hell is she? This has got to stop....that MONTGOMERY woman has ruined our practice and look this court now has a reporter. Imagine if there was coverage of the latest shenanigans....OMG.....OMG? HHMMMMMmmmmm reminds me, I need a vape....that new Kick B ... joose OMG is quite delicious and well....I need it*

Your honor, I have an issue to handle, I will return in a moment.
*rushes from courtroom with PV in hand dripping as walking quickly with 4 inch Manolos and attempting to maintain decorum without balance*

 

[Ciego]

*** The reporter from the PV Picayune has caught the scent of warm defense counsel. ***

Hmmmm.... I no longer smell tacos. What's going on here?

** He pulls out the Pocket Pal. Momentarily embarrassed, he quickly returns it to his pocket and takes out his Joye Ego loaded with some sort of odd-tasting Chinese juice. ***

Yuck. I think I grabbed Rancid Tuna Casserole by mistake....again....

*** He puts on a very cool pair of aviator-style Ray-Bans. ***

 

[Eekaa Chu]

***Strides into the courtroom perfectly coiffed and dressed to the nines in a new Dior skirt and stylish blouse cut down to there....no not quite there...a little less revealing...yes there...hair swept into a lose chignon at the nape of her smooth neck which is scented lightly with the lingering sent of apple blossoms***

Hello your honor, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our new court reporter...I do hope you will deliver fair and unbiased reports of our goings on in the court room....as for myself and what occurs in my bush...that is my business..thank you for your cooperation...

Now, it seems we have a new confession....will these people never learn?...anyways...I hope we are all well rested from our holiday frivolities. Bear in mind Friday will be another day of....drunken....erm....inebriated......uh....celebrating. So, may I move that we work on cases on the docket and recess court on Friday to allow for the final grand celebration of this holiday season.

***Hands briefs for current case to partner***

...that is a lovely suit you have there, and I see you got the new pair of Manolos that I sent for you. Your Piccone suit is on back order, they had to tailor it specially to accomodate your.....endowments....but I know it will look fabulous on you. I had it made from their new air flow material....helps cut down on those nasty hot flashes...You will also find a descendant of our dear Ms. Walker waiting for you in your office. She is a charming lass if A bit on the large side, but I'm sure you will find her "services" to your liking.

That said....there will be a New Years Eve party in the court room cafeteria on Friday from Noon (if his honor allows) to 4 am on Saturday morning. The party is B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bush) and all comers are welcome. No cameras or video devices please....what happens in the cafeteria, stays in the cafeteria...

 

[beebopnjazz]

***The prosecutor rides into the courtroom on her motorcycle, looking disheveled and certainly out of breath. Wearing only 1 boot, and straightening her leather outfit, she dismounts her cycle***

Begging the Court's forgiveness your Honor over my somewhat disheveled appearance. I was trapped in a dark room and uh... man-handled ... by someone with very warm hands. My boot is missing, my hair is a mess, my clothes are askew and I believe I found a sprig of mistletoe in my tresses. The security of the Courthouse is in jeopardy your Honor! How did such a person gain access to this building?

***I wonder if I can find those warm hands again......perhaps shaking everyone's hand in the Courtroom will assist me in finding "the groper"?.....I can still feel those warm hands!.....mind drifts off reliving the chase and near capture of a few moments ago.........***

Your Honor I would like listed on the Court's agenda, a new matter, to be heard after the New Year. It is time to bring Angry Amy before this Court for killing atties including an intentional de-wicking gone horribly wrong!

***Stationing herself at the entry to the courtroom, the prosecutor takes her place to shake all the hands of those who exit - hoping to find "warm hands" and looking to see if anyone has her missing boot.***

 

[bonniegirl]

The Defense Objects your honor.

*WTF am I objecting to?*
Ahem.....well, this is a hearsay case your honor. This Jazzy prosecutor comes riding in on her hoss and thinks she can bring charges on poor innocent NOT-SO-Angry Amy. This prosecutor overheard a conversation and is twisting the facts up *much like Amy twisted that poor poor LR attys wick*....This is prosecutorial misconduct your Honor.
Now, have I told you how dapper that new shave and haircut look, your Honor? My but you wear that robe well.
*hoping to God he buys this load of crap*.....The defense asks that the prosecution hand over all discovery and a witness list immediately. A case can not be prepared in such short time, your Honor. We must have adequate time to mount....*OMG hope EekaChu doesn't get the wrong impression of that word*......our defense. We ask for a change of venue.....*somewhere tropcal and warm would be nice ...F Ing snow*....and we ask for a pooling of new jurors. These jurors have certainly been tainted as this Jazzy drives in on a hoss and all.
Just sayin......your Honor





Pretty please? with sugar on top?

 

[BiancaMontgomery]

Darling, rest assured you are not just "some bush" you are THE bush....top quality...none better.....

It is rather warm in here lately.....taps on thermostat....shrugs.....

Finally! My bush...er, *I* get some respect around here! Thank you darling, I have a special place in my pan...um, my pocket, no that's not right...er...my HEART for you! Lord have mercy, it's still hot in here!

I swear I heard that bonnie woman say she was going to "Kick B's ...", what the hell!?!? If I am suddenly "missing", well...first check Bless You's house, but if I'm not there, I can assure you that I've met foul play at the doing of one Miss bonniegirl! I'm watching you woman! Yes, I can see you from this swing!

 

[Eekaa Chu]

Finally! My bush...er, *I* get some respect around here! Thank you darling, I have a special place in my pan...um, my pocket, no that's not right...er...my HEART for you! Lord have mercy, it's still hot in here!

I swear I heard that bonnie woman say she was going to "Kick B's ...", what the hell!?!? If I am suddenly "missing", well...first check Bless You's house, but if I'm not there, I can assure you that I've met foul play at the doing of one Miss bonniegirl! I'm watching you woman! Yes, I can see you from this swing!

Now Ms. Montgomery, no need to worry your pretty little head over any of that. My great Uncle ..... from Sicily is visiting for the holidays, he will be most happy to watch over you and insure your safety against any hot headed folks. I'm sure Ms. Bonnie girl means you no harm. However, rather safe than sorry.

So...should you find yourself tailed by a rather large Sicillian man in a trench coat, fear not, it's dear uncle ........and his posse...you may want to keep large quantities of Lasagna on hand...my but they do get hungry....and if they don't get lasagna...well it's horrid...simply horrid...we tried to serve spaghetti once.....pasta sauce on the walls....meatballs in.....well in places meatballs don't belong at all....terrible....definitely must be lasagna....Oh and if you see something under his coat that looks like an assault rifle or perhaps an RPG launcher....just ignore it....you never saw nothin....capice'? Just tell yourself its a very large and efficient PV (Person Vaporizer) and just keep walking....

About the matter at hand, I too object to our disheveled prosecutor insisting upon groping everyone in the court room in her attempt to find her own alleged groper...And Really Ms. Jazz.....next time could you leave the hoss on he hitching post outside?

 

[Ciego]

*** The reporter from the PV Picayune immediately thrusts his warm hands into his pockets, momentarily reassured by the presence of his trusty PV in one pocket and his trusty Pocket Pal in the other. ***
*** The reporter from the PV Picayune immediately thrusts his warm hands into his pockets, finding his Ego in one pocket and his trusty Pocket Pal in the other. ***

I thought I was reading braille.... honest.

Aha! Another case on the docket. Angry Amy is about to get her come-uppance.

(I don;'t know which part of that phrase I like the most, the "uppance" part or the.... oh no...the pocket pal is leaking something...)

*** The reporter struggles to find an alternate exit....***

 

[beebopnjazz]

***The prosecutor checks herself to make sure she's left her braille bra at home.....suddenly realizing that she left that bra in the Judge's Chambers.....OH MY! The Judge must be wearing the braille bra! What to do now? I certainly can't embarrass the Judge! Pacing, pacing, pacing..........***

**Must not let on about the braille bra.......and who's he kidding about the "leaking pocket pal"?.....is that what they're calling it these days?....whatever happened to "hide the salami" or "submarine races"?**

**Follows the reporter from the Picayune.....quickly and silently**

 

[DLite]

***The Judge strolls in the courtroom without a care, robe freshly pressed , shoes freshly shinned and gavel freshly stained. Takes a look around the Court Room to see the defense looking top notch and the Prosecutors looking sharp and dominant***** "In the matter of Angry Amy and the horrid de wicking, This court will see this case to the very end.

 

[Ciego]

Leaking Pocket Pal be damned. I have to stay here and find out about this alleged de-wicking.

** The last time the reporter was d-wicked, he celebrated by smoking a cigarette... but now, no longer a smoker and no longer getting de-wicked on a regular basis, he tries to put those thoughts aside. ***

(Gosh, I hope no one finds out how I've abused my Ego and its immortal atomizer. Just putting that Rancid Tuna Casserole on its hot bridge might be enough to get me 69 months. And some of the best months I've had involve 69...)

 

[DLite]

This court turns a blind eye at the atty abuse and ego murder at the hands of one Ciego as court employees are not fit to stand trial.

 

[Ciego]

Whew! Ducked that bullet.

(Good thing the judge is confused, and doesn;'t understand that I am not a court reporter, but a journalist from the PV Picayune. And if His Honor ever discovers the 555+menthol+blueberry walffle disaster of last night, I am a dead duck. Or would that be "jailbird?)"

** He reaches into his pocket and discovers that it wasn't his trusty Pocket Pal that was leaking. It was one of those new-fangled so-called C2 cartomizers.... ***

Whew! A little nicotine juice dripping from pocket onto silk thong isn't as bad as some things that have been dripped there in the past.

** He shudders at the thought of the Icy Hot incident **

This court turns a blind eye at the atty abuse and ego murder at the hands of one Ciego as court employees are not fit to stand trial.

 

[bonniegirl]

January 1, 2011​

To: Honorable Judge D. Lite
From: Bonniegirl and EekaChu attorneys at law
re: court Docket

Your Honor,
In light of the events of last night...*well, the parts I can remember anyway*....the defense asks that the docket be pushed to the 10th of January. I have been informed that the total destruction of the cafeteria will require that the construction firm hired for clean-up and repairs has found several serious issues. I shall list those issues for your perusal
1. A main beam in the cafeteria has cracked from someone attaching a rope and swing from same and it must be replaced.
2. The tiled floors are defiled with what appears to be "Boot prints" and the total floor must be replaced.
3. The hot tables in the cafeteria were ...uhmm.....*how to tell this one?*....uhmmm, used as a jacuzzi? and well the Lox smelly stuff was found as a prevalent odor around same. The hot tables will need replacing at the least. *God knows what was swimming in that!*
4. There are horrendous motorcycle tracks and skid marks throughout the whole hall leading to the courtroom cafeteria and will need at the least some cleaning or replacing.
5. One worker/janitor was transferred to ER via 911, seems he is severely allergic to cats and was seen wheezing and then ceased to breathe while cleaning a pile of cat hair from one of the cafeteria tables.
6. There is glass shattered throughout the area and empty bottles of what one worker mumbled "the good stuff" and then he mumbled something about "snooty overpaid public servants." He is being reprimanded by his stupidvisor at the time of this correspondence.
7. One Mr. Lox was found disoriented walking in his skivvies on the courthouse drive mumbling something about "My Box, My Box.......crushed under a cycle, and was then heard crying about a tape measure and aspirations of changing vocations to professional bra fitter......sad to tell, he was taken in a straight jacket directly to the crisis unit....last we heard, he was "Beebop'n crazy."
8. One Bianca Montgomery was arrested for disorderly conduct for accosting a protesting fundamentalist Christian by wrapping a rainbow flag around his neck.
9. Sheriff Tucky tried to maintain order was not taken seriously as her contagious smile preventing any decorum of authority...all just began smiling at her. She rode off on her horse long before the worst of it all....
10. Which brings me to the most difficult *and absolutely hilarious* happenings of the evening. Ahem.....*pursing lips to hold in a LOL*....It seems your Honor that one ...ahem.....news reporter....ahem....crashed the party...*took a page out of the Salahi's book* and well....uhmm....there are pictures and well....while the heads are cut off as....well...he is blind FFS!...is obvious from the robe that....uhmmm....your Honor....is reported and of course we all know how photoshop works and all, but the pictures show a robed man who is ...uhmmm....COMMANDO underneath! The press is having a hey day and all are calling for your disrobing and expulsion from the court. That would be horrid, your honor and our firm intends to help in any way we can.....Ahem....this is a delicate matter....uhmmm.....a quite HUGE matter....uhhmmm.....a delicate and huge matter.

In light of the horrid condition of the courtroom cafeteria and the fact hat my partner is missing and was last seen swinging and yelling Woo and Hoo, we ask for a recess until such time that these ...uhhmm...matters ....yes, MATTERS, be cleared up.

Most Sincerely
Ms. Bonniegirl Esq.




BG/jw

 

[DLite]

*After careful review of the court docket submitted by one Ms Bonnie and after picking ones self off of the floor, I will allow for this recess until the 10th where this court will then resume and the case against one Angry Amy will take place. **Gavel Slams** Court is in Recess

 

[Ciego]

*** The reporter has awakened in a tiny room, the smells of exhaust, burned rubber, leather and cat hair filling his nostrils.***


And what in the holy name of Jimmy Olsen is that other smell? And what am I doing in this closet?

*** He frantically searches through his pockets. He grabs his PV and raises it to his trembling lips. ***

Ugh! It's... oh wait, this isn't my PV.

*** He replaces the Pocket Pal ***

Golly, why is it so quiet around here today?

(Oh wait, it's New Years Day. The courthouse is closed. I'll just grab a cab and return to my dank basement, where I will indulge in some of Bob's OMG and leave this foul-tasting atomizer to drown in alcohol. Might even give the Pocket Pal a good cleaning....)

*** He carefully moves toward a handy exit. ***

 

[bonniegirl]

Well Hello, Mr. reporter Ciego.....my but you look all....uhmmm....well you look dapper!...*he will never know FFS, can't look in the mirror and no one would be rude enough to tell him his toupee is hanging over one ear*....How are you today....I am afraid you are late for the party. Was last night and you are headed toward the cafeteria. *carefully grabs reporters forearms and points him in direction of exit*....There you go......have a nice recess. Court is recessed till the 10th because of the ....uhmmm....incidents....uhmm.....destruction....uhmmm.......disaster in the cafeteria during the Holiday party.
Here, try this e-liquid....*grabs reporters PV and smells odd smell*.....ahem.......this smells oddly of restroom soap from the dispenser......uhmmm....yeah....the atty is bubbly.......*removes atty and tosses in nearest trash bin and fills with KBV OMG dripped ever so perfectly on a nice 510LR atty*....Here you go, try this juice and see...uhmmm....taste if you like it.
Happy New year you lovely man.....ahem......the name ends in IE not Y.....just so you know for your reporting and all.
Toodles.........*whew man that guy looks like he tied on a good one at the party and the stench? OMG, he was vaping handsoap! ROFLMAO...all of life is a mystery and free entertainment if one just looks around.*

*High heeled Manolos click clack on tiled floor and defense counsel tilts head up and chest forward and proudly walks in a sashaying motion to parking garage*

*Well, self, we have but a little over a week to defend this Amy person.......What to do? and, where is Eeka, have nor seen her since the swing. Perhaps a ride by that Montgomery womans house shall reveal the little urchin.....UGH, these PTSID patients and I had to hire one.*