i have taken to general silence as a form of protest on these proceedings.
- Status
i have taken to general silence as a form of protest on these proceedings.
this means keep out until this beautiful courthouse luster can be restored. ~walks around with a massive headache looking at the ruined cherry wood pergo flooring~ "Bills will be sent out to all involved parties instead of charges"
Teach someone to ruin my courthouse
***Breathlessly stumbles into the law offices of Bonniegirl and Eekaa Chu esq., tailored blouse askew, one heel missing from her favorite pair of Christian Louboutin pumps, hair in absolute disarray, cat hairs clinging to her expensive wool pencil skirt, rope burns evident on wrists***
I just wanted to take a brief...or thong if you prefer...moment to let my dear partner know that I am not, in fact, missing. I am on my way to the jail house to free the wrongly imprisoned (again) and absolutely delectable Ms. Montgomery. Everyone could see that fundamentalist whacko had it coming. Waving his bible around...calling her....well it wasn't very polite, he's lucky she unwrapped the flag before he passed out....she's been railroaded and I won't stand for it.
***stumbles on broken heel*** well not that I can stand for much of anything right now! I told that Mr. Lox that my pumps would not fit him, and didn't match the nightie he was wearing at all...but did he listen at all? Of course not just swiped them with something about that prosecutor woman not letting him borrow her boots anymore after the squirrel poo incident....don't ask...I didn't...
Soo...I found my beloved pumps sticking out of a pile of chocolate wrappers and assorted other refuse that I did not care to examine closely enough to figure out what it was....after a quick steam bath I donned them as I wasn't about to traipse around that disaster area in my bare feet ***shudders***
Now, I'll be off if I can just find my car....no I walked here....looked all over the garage, what did I do last night? ***looks down at rope burned wrists, giggles to self .... Well I remember That of course...Ms. Montgomery and I were on the swing...then there was the bush....and cat....I remember a whole lot of cat and bush.....and some sweet nectar....what was in those drinks she was bringing me? ***sighs wistfully*** well what I remember is...well....lets just say very nice and leave it at that...if you will excuse me I must go and rescue my damsel incarcerated...
***Stumbles back outside looking around back toward the courthouse next door....spots car in a tree across the street*** How the he...? Oh never mind! The jail is only 6 blocks away...Hold on Sexy Pants...I'm coming for you!!!
I just wanted to take a brief...or thong if you prefer...moment to let my dear partner know that I am not, in fact, missing. I am on my way to the jail house to free the wrongly imprisoned (again) and absolutely delectable Ms. Montgomery. Everyone could see that fundamentalist whacko had it coming. Waving his bible around...calling her....well it wasn't very polite, he's lucky she unwrapped the flag before he passed out....she's been railroaded and I won't stand for it.
***stumbles on broken heel*** well not that I can stand for much of anything right now! I told that Mr. Lox that my pumps would not fit him, and didn't match the nightie he was wearing at all...but did he listen at all? Of course not just swiped them with something about that prosecutor woman not letting him borrow her boots anymore after the squirrel poo incident....don't ask...I didn't...
Soo...I found my beloved pumps sticking out of a pile of chocolate wrappers and assorted other refuse that I did not care to examine closely enough to figure out what it was....after a quick steam bath I donned them as I wasn't about to traipse around that disaster area in my bare feet ***shudders***
Now, I'll be off if I can just find my car....no I walked here....looked all over the garage, what did I do last night? ***looks down at rope burned wrists, giggles to self .... Well I remember That of course...Ms. Montgomery and I were on the swing...then there was the bush....and cat....I remember a whole lot of cat and bush.....and some sweet nectar....what was in those drinks she was bringing me? ***sighs wistfully*** well what I remember is...well....lets just say very nice and leave it at that...if you will excuse me I must go and rescue my damsel incarcerated...
***Stumbles back outside looking around back toward the courthouse next door....spots car in a tree across the street*** How the he...? Oh never mind! The jail is only 6 blocks away...Hold on Sexy Pants...I'm coming for you!!!
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*** The reporter takes a long, slow pull off the refreshed and renewed PV.***
I don't know who that woman was, but she sure sounded/smelled/felt sexy. Oh wait; I think she may be one of the defense counselors.
*** He takes another drag. ***
Wow! This tastes even better than my (now patented) 555+menthol+blueberry waffle mix. It tastes like.... OMG!
*** He climbs into a waiting taxi and gives the driver directions to the dank basement. ***
No sir, I am not smoking in your cab. I am vaporizing.
*** Satisfied, the cabbie turns up the radio, and Middle Eastern pop music fills the taxi cab. ***
I don't know who that woman was, but she sure sounded/smelled/felt sexy. Oh wait; I think she may be one of the defense counselors.
*** He takes another drag. ***
Wow! This tastes even better than my (now patented) 555+menthol+blueberry waffle mix. It tastes like.... OMG!
*** He climbs into a waiting taxi and gives the driver directions to the dank basement. ***
No sir, I am not smoking in your cab. I am vaporizing.
*** Satisfied, the cabbie turns up the radio, and Middle Eastern pop music fills the taxi cab. ***
*waking up* 
WTH!? Oh, FFS! I'm in jail...again. Awesome 
EEEEEEKKKKKKAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *oh that hurts so bad!*
WTH!? Oh, FFS! I'm in jail...again. Awesome EEEEEEKKKKKKAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *oh that hurts so bad!*
***Enters jail house, freshly pressed and redressed in a expertly tailored Chanel suit, newly repaired louboutin pumps back on her feet***
Sir I demand to see my client immediately! This is a travesty and I want her released this very instant. Ms. Montgomery was not attempting to strangle that crazed bible thump....er I mean that young man....It is the middle of winter and she thought his neck might be cold.
What with him running about shouting random obscenities at the top of his voice...christian my foot....she feared he might come down with something and was simply attempting to offer him the flag as a scarf of sorts...she is a mother, and thinks of the safety and well being of others before herself...She did not mean to wrap it so tightly, and the whacko...that is findamentalist simply misread her extension of friendly help due to his extreme prejudice against my client and others of her persuasion...
What?....her persuasion...gay...yes, she's a lesbian.....no you cannot watch! Now listen here! I demand to see my client immediately while we await ruling in her predicament!
***Is led to a dark cold cell in the basement of the jail...Ms. Montgomery is in complete disarray, clothing torn in places, covered in cat hair with bits of branch poking out of her lovely blonde hair at odd angles giving the appearance of horns...always knew she was a little devil. ***flustered sigh....fans self despite the cold***
Darling! Are you hurt? Has anyone accosted you!?
***Looks around for big pat and is pleased to see her...him.....it? snuggled up to a frightened looking young man in a cowboy outfit***
***Passes 5v mod loaded with butterscotch cookie through the bars, along with a bag of good takeout food, a toothbrush with toothpaste and a change of clothing***
Don't you worry, I'll have you out of here in no time...
***Hurries off to find a judge to appeal to*** PV court isn't in session for 8 more days! Eeeeek! She'll never last that long.... ***Hurries faster***
Sir I demand to see my client immediately! This is a travesty and I want her released this very instant. Ms. Montgomery was not attempting to strangle that crazed bible thump....er I mean that young man....It is the middle of winter and she thought his neck might be cold.
What with him running about shouting random obscenities at the top of his voice...christian my foot....she feared he might come down with something and was simply attempting to offer him the flag as a scarf of sorts...she is a mother, and thinks of the safety and well being of others before herself...She did not mean to wrap it so tightly, and the whacko...that is findamentalist simply misread her extension of friendly help due to his extreme prejudice against my client and others of her persuasion...
What?....her persuasion...gay...yes, she's a lesbian.....no you cannot watch! Now listen here! I demand to see my client immediately while we await ruling in her predicament!
***Is led to a dark cold cell in the basement of the jail...Ms. Montgomery is in complete disarray, clothing torn in places, covered in cat hair with bits of branch poking out of her lovely blonde hair at odd angles giving the appearance of horns...always knew she was a little devil. ***flustered sigh....fans self despite the cold***
Darling! Are you hurt? Has anyone accosted you!?
***Looks around for big pat and is pleased to see her...him.....it? snuggled up to a frightened looking young man in a cowboy outfit***
***Passes 5v mod loaded with butterscotch cookie through the bars, along with a bag of good takeout food, a toothbrush with toothpaste and a change of clothing***
Don't you worry, I'll have you out of here in no time...
***Hurries off to find a judge to appeal to*** PV court isn't in session for 8 more days! Eeeeek! She'll never last that long.... ***Hurries faster***
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* As you've stated you wish Ms. B's release from her cell, Madam may I let you in on a little secret.
Come on come closer.....closer......closer.......
..................
....................
......................
She let herself in and locked the door behind her
She is free to go any time she wishes but the court house is closed for remodel
Come on come closer.....closer......closer.......
..................
....................
......................
She let herself in and locked the door behind her
She is free to go any time she wishes but the court house is closed for remodel
***readjusts blouse which she is sure the judge called her closer to look down***
***sighs***
***re-enters jailhouse...casting her very best, you're in deep trouble buddy, glare at giggling jailer***
You know you could have said something....think you're cute dontcha? You just better hope you don't run afoul of this jacked up justice system, you'll get no help from my firm! You can rot buddy!!!
***calms self, smooths perfectly coiffed hair, and strides into cold basement***
***Takes keys from peg on wall and unlocks Ms. Mongomery's cell door...ignoring desperate pleas from the frightened looking cowboy on whom Big Pat is sleeping***
Alright sugar, let's go...we need to get you cleaned up ***sniffs*** very cleaned up.... I'll take you back to my place...I have a lovely waterfall shower and a very large tub...room for 2....if you know what I mean....my but it is warm in here ***fans self again, ignoring thermometer that reads 42 degrees***
***escorts the shaken and still woosy (and still sexy) Ms. Montgomery out to the car which has been shaken free of its tree perch by an army of angry squirrels who proceed to pelt the duo with acorns and scream what I'm sure must be squirrel obscenities*** ***dives for the safety of the now seriously dented Lexus, and drives away with Ms. Montgomery in the passenger seat**
***sighs***
***re-enters jailhouse...casting her very best, you're in deep trouble buddy, glare at giggling jailer***
You know you could have said something....think you're cute dontcha? You just better hope you don't run afoul of this jacked up justice system, you'll get no help from my firm! You can rot buddy!!!
***calms self, smooths perfectly coiffed hair, and strides into cold basement***
***Takes keys from peg on wall and unlocks Ms. Mongomery's cell door...ignoring desperate pleas from the frightened looking cowboy on whom Big Pat is sleeping***
Alright sugar, let's go...we need to get you cleaned up ***sniffs*** very cleaned up.... I'll take you back to my place...I have a lovely waterfall shower and a very large tub...room for 2....if you know what I mean....my but it is warm in here ***fans self again, ignoring thermometer that reads 42 degrees***
***escorts the shaken and still woosy (and still sexy) Ms. Montgomery out to the car which has been shaken free of its tree perch by an army of angry squirrels who proceed to pelt the duo with acorns and scream what I'm sure must be squirrel obscenities*** ***dives for the safety of the now seriously dented Lexus, and drives away with Ms. Montgomery in the passenger seat**
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Huh? I did what now? I put MYSELF in jail?!? Bless You darling, that's insane. Well, yes, I did consume a bit too much Tequila...but's that's not unusual. What do I remember? Well, let's see...I remember YOU...looking quite lovely 
...then I remember some yelling...then some nut job hit me upside the head with a book? while screaming "DEMON BE GONE"...WTH??...then I remember seeing a beautiful rainbow...then nothing but red...and then I woke up in the pokey...again. Oh, I found your car keys in my pocket. Weird right. Can I just go to sleep now?
...then I remember some yelling...then some nut job hit me upside the head with a book? while screaming "DEMON BE GONE"...WTH??...then I remember seeing a beautiful rainbow...then nothing but red...and then I woke up in the pokey...again. Oh, I found your car keys in my pocket. Weird right. Can I just go to sleep now?
Back at Defense Counsel office
*Ms Bonnie girl Esq reaches for cell phone as Ms Walker is empty...uhmm....unavailable atm....and well......Ms Bonniegirl has not mastered the many buttons and holds and conferences and bells and whistles of this new Tap-a sheet sold to her partner Ms. EekaChu by a tall thin blonde office phone saleswoman*
Hello....Hello....Hello.....*realizes phone is backwards, looks around and turns phone in correct direction, facing voice*....Hello....Ms. EekaChu....uhmmm....yes....a bad connection......Ahem.......do you have any intentions of doing the 4 letter word today?.....no, not that.....WORK. Remember the wrongly accused Not-so-angry Amy? She needs a good defense mounted.......No, not that type of......fughetaboutit......*changes ears as neck is stiff and shoulder is numb*.....Ms. EekaChu, please.......what?.....No, I have no reason to share in the grief of a wrongful arrest of that Montgomery woman. I have told you she is trouble, nothing good will come of it....NO I DO NOT CARE to hear about the good that came! Come to this office at once. Is that purring I hear, did you take in a stray cat again?......Nevermind!....post haste to this office at once, oh and do stop at the State store......Uhmmm....the nice man has a package for pick-up that has my name on it. No swinging from trees and crawling in bushes, those bottles will break and they are ....uhmm.....RARE....yes, rare and for my collection......I am a serious collector.....ahem........No, I do not want a nice luncheon brought......No, I can not wait while you take care of personal business, Ms Walker is....uhmmm....unavailable and I so need the help.....Ok....see you soon......
*Toodles?....WTF does she mean by that? Toodles.....That woman has a few screws loose......UGH*
*Ms Bonnie girl Esq reaches for cell phone as Ms Walker is empty...uhmm....unavailable atm....and well......Ms Bonniegirl has not mastered the many buttons and holds and conferences and bells and whistles of this new Tap-a sheet sold to her partner Ms. EekaChu by a tall thin blonde office phone saleswoman*
Hello....Hello....Hello.....*realizes phone is backwards, looks around and turns phone in correct direction, facing voice*....Hello....Ms. EekaChu....uhmmm....yes....a bad connection......Ahem.......do you have any intentions of doing the 4 letter word today?.....no, not that.....WORK. Remember the wrongly accused Not-so-angry Amy? She needs a good defense mounted.......No, not that type of......fughetaboutit......*changes ears as neck is stiff and shoulder is numb*.....Ms. EekaChu, please.......what?.....No, I have no reason to share in the grief of a wrongful arrest of that Montgomery woman. I have told you she is trouble, nothing good will come of it....NO I DO NOT CARE to hear about the good that came! Come to this office at once. Is that purring I hear, did you take in a stray cat again?......Nevermind!....post haste to this office at once, oh and do stop at the State store......Uhmmm....the nice man has a package for pick-up that has my name on it. No swinging from trees and crawling in bushes, those bottles will break and they are ....uhmm.....RARE....yes, rare and for my collection......I am a serious collector.....ahem........No, I do not want a nice luncheon brought......No, I can not wait while you take care of personal business, Ms Walker is....uhmmm....unavailable and I so need the help.....Ok....see you soon......
*Toodles?....WTF does she mean by that? Toodles.....That woman has a few screws loose......UGH*
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***Staggers into the law offices of Bonniegirl and Eekaa Chu esq. loaded down with several large brown paper sacks picked up at the State store. Each one is tightly secured and marked for Ms. Bonniegirl only***
***Plunks heavy bags down on partners desk...faint clinking is heard from within***
Here are your "packages" madam...The guy who passed them off to me...Tony I think was his name said not to rattle them around too much because it was delicate cargo....I can only assume that several of Ms. Walkers relatives are waiting inside to....service you if you will....
I will devote my working hours to preparing proper briefs, a couple of bikinis and a g string or 2 for not so angry amy's defense. She's going to be difficult though, pleading the fifth and all....no bonnie not a fifth of whiskey....the fifth amendment....you know....the right to....oh never mind.....how much time did you spend with Ms. Walker anyways before she became indisposed? It smells like a distillery in here....I'm getting lightheaded just breathing in here....
***switches on a fan to circulate the stagnant air in the office***
Now, I must be off to prepare the case, and I need to drop by the cleaners and drop off my favorite Prada blouse....you know the one cut clean down to there....the judge does seems to appreciate my fabulously real assets...if you get my drift.....Certainly can't hurt the case...
***Starts toward door....the tearing of paper bags and the clanking of glass and ice ring out from the desk area***
Really...couldn't you wait till I left the room....nearly indecent the way you are staring at Ms. Walkers cousin like that...well, I'll leave you to moles...um enjoy Ms. Walkers family....try not to wipe them all out in one shot, Tony said he's going to start charging a "holding fee" for sequestering such large groups of the Walker family for you.
***Heads on out door, dialing Ms. montgomery's number on cell phone*** I'll be there in 10....***stops and picks up bonniegirl's keys from the basket by the door***
Call a cab Partner...
***Plunks heavy bags down on partners desk...faint clinking is heard from within***
Here are your "packages" madam...The guy who passed them off to me...Tony I think was his name said not to rattle them around too much because it was delicate cargo....I can only assume that several of Ms. Walkers relatives are waiting inside to....service you if you will....
I will devote my working hours to preparing proper briefs, a couple of bikinis and a g string or 2 for not so angry amy's defense. She's going to be difficult though, pleading the fifth and all....no bonnie not a fifth of whiskey....the fifth amendment....you know....the right to....oh never mind.....how much time did you spend with Ms. Walker anyways before she became indisposed? It smells like a distillery in here....I'm getting lightheaded just breathing in here....
***switches on a fan to circulate the stagnant air in the office***
Now, I must be off to prepare the case, and I need to drop by the cleaners and drop off my favorite Prada blouse....you know the one cut clean down to there....the judge does seems to appreciate my fabulously real assets...if you get my drift.....Certainly can't hurt the case...
***Starts toward door....the tearing of paper bags and the clanking of glass and ice ring out from the desk area***
Really...couldn't you wait till I left the room....nearly indecent the way you are staring at Ms. Walkers cousin like that...well, I'll leave you to moles...um enjoy Ms. Walkers family....try not to wipe them all out in one shot, Tony said he's going to start charging a "holding fee" for sequestering such large groups of the Walker family for you.
***Heads on out door, dialing Ms. montgomery's number on cell phone*** I'll be there in 10....***stops and picks up bonniegirl's keys from the basket by the door***
Call a cab Partner...
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***meanders into the the law offices of Bonniegirl and Eekaa Chu esq, smells the overwhelming odor of the family walker pouring off of the woman behind the desk who has her blouse unbuttoned clear down to her naval, who seems preoccupied with the phone, her PV and hair twirling***
excuse me ma'am? can you assist me?
***almost passes out from the scent Mr. Johnny lingering in the air***
ma'am?
***ms. bonniegirl looks strangely like she might fall out of her chair if startled again so whispers in the general direction of the desk***
ma'am? it seems i have been wrongly accused of horrible aggravations against my beloved atties... the fifth?... well yes. i plead the fifth, but i thought i was talking to my dermatologist... see i have developed this rash on my cheeks... no, not those cheeks, and it looks like i have been slapped...
**ms bonniegirl raises her eyebrows and begins to sweat from the thought of my being slapped, she quickly changes the subject, asking about the case***
... well no, i've never been in trouble before... the rendezvous with the president of that auto company and his younger brother on his sisters sailboat in puerto vallerta? well that was all a set up! i swear... and the state couldn't prove a case when they accused me of that incident last year of accosting my husband with a bowl of wet spaghetti noodles.... and even if they had, i claim innocence as i was just testing to make sure they were ready to serve to the poor orphans at the local shelter...
***sits on the chair opposite the desk where ms. bonnie still has her feet up and crossed. in fixing her stockings, she has somehow managed to get her necklace stuck to the hosery and cannot seem to come unstuck... neck to leg***
but i didn't do this crime, and i wont have my good name dragged through the gutter... so will you be handling my case or not?
***reaches for the bottle*** and can you pour me some of that?
excuse me ma'am? can you assist me?
***almost passes out from the scent Mr. Johnny lingering in the air***
ma'am?
***ms. bonniegirl looks strangely like she might fall out of her chair if startled again so whispers in the general direction of the desk***
ma'am? it seems i have been wrongly accused of horrible aggravations against my beloved atties... the fifth?... well yes. i plead the fifth, but i thought i was talking to my dermatologist... see i have developed this rash on my cheeks... no, not those cheeks, and it looks like i have been slapped...
**ms bonniegirl raises her eyebrows and begins to sweat from the thought of my being slapped, she quickly changes the subject, asking about the case***
... well no, i've never been in trouble before... the rendezvous with the president of that auto company and his younger brother on his sisters sailboat in puerto vallerta? well that was all a set up! i swear... and the state couldn't prove a case when they accused me of that incident last year of accosting my husband with a bowl of wet spaghetti noodles.... and even if they had, i claim innocence as i was just testing to make sure they were ready to serve to the poor orphans at the local shelter...
***sits on the chair opposite the desk where ms. bonnie still has her feet up and crossed. in fixing her stockings, she has somehow managed to get her necklace stuck to the hosery and cannot seem to come unstuck... neck to leg***
but i didn't do this crime, and i wont have my good name dragged through the gutter... so will you be handling my case or not?
***reaches for the bottle*** and can you pour me some of that?
*** Our erstwhile reporter from the PV Picayune is recovering from his closet ordeal, resting in the dank basement which he share with his cat Foamy and his coffee-drowned Joye Ego. ***
Man, I can still smell a mix of aromas in my clothes.... scotch, Juicy Couture perfume and...
*** He sniffs ***
Something that smells like that time I *accidentally* walked into the girls' locker room at Our Lady of Perpetual Estrus High School.
(For some reason, the mixture of aromas is causing a familiar stirring in my loins.....)
*** He takes a pull of KBV OMG from his back-up Ego. ***
I think I'd better hit the rain room and try to scrub off some of this smell.
*** Foamy the cat makes vigorous motions as if covering cat doo-doo in her litter box.***
Man, I can still smell a mix of aromas in my clothes.... scotch, Juicy Couture perfume and...
*** He sniffs ***
Something that smells like that time I *accidentally* walked into the girls' locker room at Our Lady of Perpetual Estrus High School.
(For some reason, the mixture of aromas is causing a familiar stirring in my loins.....)
*** He takes a pull of KBV OMG from his back-up Ego. ***
I think I'd better hit the rain room and try to scrub off some of this smell.
*** Foamy the cat makes vigorous motions as if covering cat doo-doo in her litter box.***
From the office of Ms. Bonniegirl and Ms. EekaChu Attorneys at Law
Ahem.....*Ms. Bonniegirl is dictating a letter into a cheap handheld recorder*.....Letter to Picayune News, address attention of Classifieds/ Jobs available.....*hic, sniffle...hic*.......Wanted, Reliable, responsible, Legal secretary wanted. Full time. Pay compensurate with experiences. Must have transportation, good driving record and be bondable. Apply in person only with resume by appointment to 510 Joye Lane, Picayune. Phone 1-888-GET-HELP.
*that outta get some of the burden off of me....I am so overwhelmed and loaded....*ahem....hic*.....OVERloaded with work and must mount a good defense for this Ms. Not-So-Angry Amy.....FFS, when the jurors see the ANGRY...we are screwed. Where is that Eekachu at? I imagine she is booing and hooing over the recent jailing of that Montgomery woman!*
*Picks up cell phone and dials number.......*...NO, I can not wait while the customer you are calling can be reached! Hello, Hello, Hello.....UGH, Freakin cell phones and why did we need the four thousand dollar phone system I can not figure out how to use? What to do? What to do? Oh woe is me, perhaps a few fingers of Ms. Walker....she does look so good in the Black dress....smiles and lets out long sigh*
All will be better, it will. *Now how to get to this Judge before that jazzy prosecutor? Surely between Eeka and I we should have some cleavage....uhmm....leverage....YES...leverage*
*desk phone rings and Ms Bonniegirl lifts receiver*....Hello......*pushes another button,* Hello ...Hello.......................................................No I do not want a salesman to come show me siding and windows...........no, I do not wish to be a model home and have the work done free of labor charges.......No, I....I........FFS can I get a word in .....CLICK......the nerve of those people!*
*Hey, I worked the phone.....dials 411*.......State Liquor store on 901 Bauway......1-800-pic-meup......got it......Dials 1-800-pic-meup....Hello, Frank?...Bonniegirl here, could you prepare my usual order for the office bar?...Yes, my but these clients do drink it up, Yes, the top shelf stuff, no, make that 2 of those, many adore the JW black...OK thank you......yes, the same credit card......denied? Oh , this is a terrible mistake with the credit card company. I will have my partner stop by with the cash.
*Dials home of Not-so-angry-Amy*......Hello, Ms. Amy, Bonniegirl here. We do need to discuss a retainer for your defense. I will need 139.78 to start the party--UHmmm....defense, yes, defense. Yes, I will be here. Now, Now, stop crying, I understand your electric is due and no food, but this is your life you are defending, and remember your good name?...OK....see you soon. *whew, these deadbeat clients, all with their piddly problems*
*Adjusts Gucci blouse and checks both earrings are in ears. twirls hair and awaits EekaChu and Amy.*
Ahem.....*Ms. Bonniegirl is dictating a letter into a cheap handheld recorder*.....Letter to Picayune News, address attention of Classifieds/ Jobs available.....*hic, sniffle...hic*.......Wanted, Reliable, responsible, Legal secretary wanted. Full time. Pay compensurate with experiences. Must have transportation, good driving record and be bondable. Apply in person only with resume by appointment to 510 Joye Lane, Picayune. Phone 1-888-GET-HELP.
*that outta get some of the burden off of me....I am so overwhelmed and loaded....*ahem....hic*.....OVERloaded with work and must mount a good defense for this Ms. Not-So-Angry Amy.....FFS, when the jurors see the ANGRY...we are screwed. Where is that Eekachu at? I imagine she is booing and hooing over the recent jailing of that Montgomery woman!*
*Picks up cell phone and dials number.......*...NO, I can not wait while the customer you are calling can be reached! Hello, Hello, Hello.....UGH, Freakin cell phones and why did we need the four thousand dollar phone system I can not figure out how to use? What to do? What to do? Oh woe is me, perhaps a few fingers of Ms. Walker....she does look so good in the Black dress....smiles and lets out long sigh*
All will be better, it will. *Now how to get to this Judge before that jazzy prosecutor? Surely between Eeka and I we should have some cleavage....uhmm....leverage....YES...leverage*
*desk phone rings and Ms Bonniegirl lifts receiver*....Hello......*pushes another button,* Hello ...Hello.......................................................No I do not want a salesman to come show me siding and windows...........no, I do not wish to be a model home and have the work done free of labor charges.......No, I....I........FFS can I get a word in .....CLICK......the nerve of those people!*
*Hey, I worked the phone.....dials 411*.......State Liquor store on 901 Bauway......1-800-pic-meup......got it......Dials 1-800-pic-meup....Hello, Frank?...Bonniegirl here, could you prepare my usual order for the office bar?...Yes, my but these clients do drink it up, Yes, the top shelf stuff, no, make that 2 of those, many adore the JW black...OK thank you......yes, the same credit card......denied? Oh , this is a terrible mistake with the credit card company. I will have my partner stop by with the cash.
*Dials home of Not-so-angry-Amy*......Hello, Ms. Amy, Bonniegirl here. We do need to discuss a retainer for your defense. I will need 139.78 to start the party--UHmmm....defense, yes, defense. Yes, I will be here. Now, Now, stop crying, I understand your electric is due and no food, but this is your life you are defending, and remember your good name?...OK....see you soon. *whew, these deadbeat clients, all with their piddly problems*
*Adjusts Gucci blouse and checks both earrings are in ears. twirls hair and awaits EekaChu and Amy.*
Judge Dlites court of atomizer abuse is now re-opened and will start the trial of De-wicked attys vs Angry Amy.
** Our erstwhile reporter from the PV Picayune is bored to tears, now that his big entree into journalism has been temporarily put on hold, due to the long winter court recess. ***
Damn! The photos I took of the cafeteria damage didn't turn out. I thought these new-fangled cameras were supposed to be fully automatic....
** He rummages in a cupboard above his ancient kerosene-powered refrigerator **
Well, I guess it's just you and me tonight, Miss Chivas....
** He lovingly cradles the seldom-visited bottle in his sensitive hands **
The atomizer I just drowned in OMG should be nearly ready by now. The Ego is all charged up and ready to rock.
** He pours four fingers of his malt beverage into a Waterford crystal lowball over four perfect cubes of ice. **
Wonder what that ultra-sexy defense attorney is doing tonight?
Damn! The photos I took of the cafeteria damage didn't turn out. I thought these new-fangled cameras were supposed to be fully automatic....
** He rummages in a cupboard above his ancient kerosene-powered refrigerator **
Well, I guess it's just you and me tonight, Miss Chivas....
** He lovingly cradles the seldom-visited bottle in his sensitive hands **
The atomizer I just drowned in OMG should be nearly ready by now. The Ego is all charged up and ready to rock.
** He pours four fingers of his malt beverage into a Waterford crystal lowball over four perfect cubes of ice. **
Wonder what that ultra-sexy defense attorney is doing tonight?
Which one?
This particular ultra-sexy defense attorney is preparing more legal briefs in anticipation of the opening of the "not so" angry-amy case in the morning.
***shuffles papers*** Now where on earth did I put that briefcase? Dang it! I had all the completed briefs, and three of my very best thongs in there!!!
***picks up black adorned member of the Walker family "borrowed" from her partner (geesh, sh has so many, she'll never miss this one)....pours several fingers...downs it and refills...Looks at empty glass....then at bottle...like I need another distraction...puts Ms. walker in a drawer and returns to working on papers***
***phone rings***
Yes? Hello... ***purring is heard on other end of the line***
Really....mmm hmm.....sounds divine....why yes, I do still have the hot pink feather duster...and the santa boots? Oh yes...those are tucked away with my sassy Ms. Clause suit...oh yes I do remember that ***giggles*** I'll be there in 10...keep the swing warm for me!
***hangs up phone...quickly shoves papers into drawer*** Well, I think we are pretty well prepared....amy is quite obviously being railroaded....
***Gets up, gets santa outfit and boots from closet, snags feather duster on the way out the door, as she goes to flick out the lights, spots briefcase propped against bookshelf...ah I remember now ***giggles as she remembers phone conversation with Ms. Montgomery which caused her to leave briefcase***
Perfect, everythings in order! ***snags briefcase, and out the door***
** Our erstwhile reporter examines his copious notes on the proceedings prior to the recess **
Note to self: "Prosecuting attorney" is not spelled "P-r-o-s-t-i-t-u-t-i-n-g."
*(Gotta grab a cab down to the courthouse. The Angry Amy trial is set to begin. Damn, I need to interview her to find out exactly why she's angry, although I'm sure that defense counsel will not permit an interview. I'm thinkin' that maybe her anger resulted in a moment of loss of control and the so-called de-wicking).
**He pets Foamy the Cat, wishing he had another kitty to pet. **
(Shouldn't have spent so much time with Ms. Chivas. My hair hurts. I haven't felt this bad since 'Surprise Night' at the Bad Boyz Leather Lounge....)
Note to self: "Prosecuting attorney" is not spelled "P-r-o-s-t-i-t-u-t-i-n-g."
*(Gotta grab a cab down to the courthouse. The Angry Amy trial is set to begin. Damn, I need to interview her to find out exactly why she's angry, although I'm sure that defense counsel will not permit an interview. I'm thinkin' that maybe her anger resulted in a moment of loss of control and the so-called de-wicking).
**He pets Foamy the Cat, wishing he had another kitty to pet. **
(Shouldn't have spent so much time with Ms. Chivas. My hair hurts. I haven't felt this bad since 'Surprise Night' at the Bad Boyz Leather Lounge....)
No no Bless You darling, he doesn't mean you...because he wishes to continue living.
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