Really Really Bad Jokes
- Thread starter K-Sound Krew
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There's 2 goldfish in a tank.....
One says to the other ... " You drive, I'll shoot !! "
One says to the other ... " You drive, I'll shoot !! "
Dissclaimer!!!
I actually think this joke is funny, but for some reason alot of people don't get it.
Also it's slightly racist and sexual in content so if your easily offended
DO NOT READ IT!!!!
A chinese couple are laying in bed
The husband turns to the wife and says
"He wants to 69"
The wife turns to him and says
"What you want beef and broccoli now for?"
I actually think this joke is funny, but for some reason alot of people don't get it.
Also it's slightly racist and sexual in content so if your easily offended
DO NOT READ IT!!!!
A chinese couple are laying in bed
The husband turns to the wife and says
"He wants to 69"
The wife turns to him and says
"What you want beef and broccoli now for?"
A man goes into a pet shop and asks for a goldfish.
'Do you want an aquarium?'
'I don't care what star sign it is.'
'Do you want an aquarium?'
'I don't care what star sign it is.'
A bear comes across a bunny in the woods and asks, Do you have a problem with s**t sticking to your fur?
The bunny says no.
So the bear wiped his A** with the bunny.
The bunny says no.
So the bear wiped his A** with the bunny.
2 eskimos sitting in a kayak were cold so they lit a fire and it sank..
proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it ! hehe
proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it ! hehe
A blonde walks into a store says to the salesperson
Excuse me Id like to buy that TV
The salesperson says
Sorry miss we dont sell to blondes
Blonde: What do you mean you dont sell to blondes? Thats outrageous!
Salesperson: Sorry theres nothing I can do its store policy
So the blonde was really mad and was determined to get that TV, so she went and got some hair dye and went back to the same store this time with jet black hair.
Excuse me Id like to buy that TV
The salesperson says
Sorry miss we dont sell to blondes
She turns to him and says
How the heck did you know Im a blonde, my hair is black now?
The salesperson says
Because thats a microwave youre pointing to
All of that for that?
Excuse me Id like to buy that TV
The salesperson says
Sorry miss we dont sell to blondes
Blonde: What do you mean you dont sell to blondes? Thats outrageous!
Salesperson: Sorry theres nothing I can do its store policy
So the blonde was really mad and was determined to get that TV, so she went and got some hair dye and went back to the same store this time with jet black hair.
Excuse me Id like to buy that TV
The salesperson says
Sorry miss we dont sell to blondes
She turns to him and says
How the heck did you know Im a blonde, my hair is black now?
The salesperson says
Because thats a microwave youre pointing to
All of that for that?
that's funny K
Here's mine...
Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Here's mine...
Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
one more, then I'm done...
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.
***
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Nice Belt!"
***
What did the zero say to the eight?
"Nice Belt!"
okay another one hopefully to get the ball rolling again
A duck walks into a bar he asks the bartender
D: "do you have any quackers?"
B: "No.....we don't have quackers"
duck leaves. Next day he goes back in
D: "Hi, can I have some quackers?"
B: "I told you yesterday, I don't have quackers!"
Duck leaves. Next day
D: "Good evening, I'd like some quackers please"
B: "Look I told you twice already, I don't have quackers or crackers or whatever the hell it is you're looking for. If you come in here one more time and ask me for quackers i'm gonna nail your feet to the floor and beat the sh*t out of you!"
2 days later, duck walks back in.
D: "Do you have a hammer?"
B: " No"
D: "Do you have any nails?"
B: "....................no"
"Do you have any quackers??"
A duck walks into a bar he asks the bartender
D: "do you have any quackers?"
B: "No.....we don't have quackers"
duck leaves. Next day he goes back in
D: "Hi, can I have some quackers?"
B: "I told you yesterday, I don't have quackers!"
Duck leaves. Next day
D: "Good evening, I'd like some quackers please"
B: "Look I told you twice already, I don't have quackers or crackers or whatever the hell it is you're looking for. If you come in here one more time and ask me for quackers i'm gonna nail your feet to the floor and beat the sh*t out of you!"
2 days later, duck walks back in.
D: "Do you have a hammer?"
B: " No"
D: "Do you have any nails?"
B: "....................no"
"Do you have any quackers??"
Last edited:
I have a never ending supply of bad jokes, hehee
Ok this one is a physical joke (kinda hard to do online)
I'm going to ask you to spell a 3 letter word out loud
What I want you to do is say:
(I)
then spell the word slowly
then say the word (ness)
So if I say "spell the word cat" you would say
"(I) C....A....T....(NESS)"
OK, but first I want you to put your hands together and then raise both arms straight into the air with your hands still folded together.
Arms in the air? OK lets start
Spell the word dog
spell the word god
spell the word cow
spell the word map
spell the word tag
spell the word two
Ok this one is a physical joke (kinda hard to do online)
I'm going to ask you to spell a 3 letter word out loud
What I want you to do is say:
(I)
then spell the word slowly
then say the word (ness)
So if I say "spell the word cat" you would say
"(I) C....A....T....(NESS)"
OK, but first I want you to put your hands together and then raise both arms straight into the air with your hands still folded together.
Arms in the air? OK lets start
Spell the word dog
spell the word god
spell the word cow
spell the word map
spell the word tag
spell the word two
Non-Brunette: Doctor, I've broken every bone in my body.
Doc: How do you know?
NB: Any part of me I touch, hurts.
Doc: *sigh* Your finger's broken.
eyethangew
Doc: How do you know?
NB: Any part of me I touch, hurts.
Doc: *sigh* Your finger's broken.
eyethangew
ROFL
I told my boss that I'd opened a theatre.
She said, 'Are you having me on?'
I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition.....'
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