I am going to try and get through this without crying... Here is what happened to me:
5 years ago I was attending class at a local community college. It was the start of the spring semester and so it was January and still cold. I went to the first class of the semester wearing my jean jacket. It has patches all over it. On the left arm is a japanese flag and below that and Ireland one. During class I noticed this beautiful girl with long brown hair. I kept taking glances back at her, which is odd for me as I don't normally "check out" women.
She was about my height and seemed like the quiet, geeky, mousy type which I tend to fall for. After class, she came up to me and I thought she must have noticed me checking her out, but she wanted to know what country was the flag (ireland). I told her and walked with her to the lounge talking. The semester slowly dragged on and I tried to get closer to her, but she did not talk to people much and rarely hung out after classes.
I did find out she had a boyfriend and everything I heard about him was not good, I never knew why she stayed with him so long. One day she asked to be excused from class during a discussion. In a bold move on my part, I got up and left class as well, without asking.
I found her in the hallway crying and she said he broke up with her. I talked to her about it and gave her my number if she needed someone to talk to. She was still kinda distant till one morning she called out of the blue. We had to go to a theater for class and she did not know where it was. She was calling me for directions. We then talked on the phone for 4 hours.
We ended up going to the play together, but not as a date. She also brought along her best friend at the time. Her name was Sarah. Sarah knew instantly that night that I had a crush on Katie. I don't know how much she said to her, but she played it off.
Some more months went by and we got closer and closer as friends. We hung out at her house, went to the movies, and such just as friends. Then one day I decided to get a big crew of people together to see a flick. No one showed up, not even Katie. I sat at home and sulked. 3 hours later I got a call from her asking if we were still going to the movies. I told her that no one else showed, but if she still wanted to go, I would love to. She said yes and that she would be at my house in an hour.
I remember getting so excited after I got off of the phone, I even cleaned my shoes. I tried to look as good as a fat man can. When she showed up she was dressed like we were going out on a date, with makeup and heels and such. Granted, I was sporting a dresshirt and jeans, I felt like I was not dressed right.
We went to the movies and she was acting different all night and I did not know why. At one point I asked her what the best piece of advice was that her best friend ever gave her. She said, "To tell someone how I feel about them." Then she changed the subject and we went to the bookstore. After that I kept thinking about what she said and asked her about it. She ended up saying, "YOU!" and ran (literally) away. After a min. of thinking YES! I decided I better track her down. I found her crying on a bench and I asked her what was wrong. She said she felt embarrassed.
I then told her everything. How I had crushed on her so long, etc, etc. I held her hand and asked her if she still wanted to go to the movie. I wanted to see Unleashed, but she wanted to see Madagascar. So we saw Madagascar. I didn't care, she held my hand through the whole movie and the whole way home. I was so happy.
Days turned in to months and we started going out. After only 3 months I knew I wanted to marry her. She was perfect. I asked her one night while I was laying in her lap. She said yes and started crying. I then performed a handfasting on us and gave her a promise ring the next day. There was no way either of us could explain this to our parents, not after just three months. So, after 3 more months, i couldn't take it anymore. I bought her a real engagement ring and took her to our favorite restaurant.
I had arranged for the manager to put the ring on a plate when desert arrived becuase I knew shs would order cheesecake, she always did. Then, as fate would have it, she said "I think I am going to get something else for dessert. I was freaking out in my mind, but before she could order it the waiter brought her a piece of cheesecake and two cups of coffee and a third cup. The ring was not where it should have been so I was really freaking out in my mind. Then I realized they placed it under the third cup. So I was trying to get her to notice the cup and why it was there.
She was too busy Nom'ing down the cheesecake, but eventually she decided to check the cup out. She removed the cup and and said there is a boc. Then she figured out what kind of a box it is. She started crying and said yes.
BEcuase of college we knew we could not get married till she finished school. The years went by and things were great. We hardly ever argued. We love each other, had passion, lust, you name it we had it.
Then last fall an old friend moved back home. They went to school together and I knew him, he was a good guy. He became my best friend basically. I knew he always crushed on her, that he wanted her, so as much as I loved him as a friend, it was hard to trust him. Then, she started to get closer to him. the last three months we were together we argued quite a bit. He was the topic of most of them.
Even though I did not trust him, I did trust her, she didn't think so though apparently.
I never expected what was about to happen in the first week of april this year. On Monday we went out to dinner at our fav. restaurant and booked them for our wedding for the reception. Everything was perfect and we were the typical lovey dovey couple. We went and saw a movie and had a great time. Went home and made love twice and went to sleep.
The next day was just as good. On wed. we had a fight, but we made up before she left (she only stayed with me half the week, the other half at home to save gas). Thursday and Friday I did not see her but I got txts at work that she loved me and such.
Saturday morning I got a voicemail saying she needed space. Not understanding what was going on or what I did I brought her flowers to work. I have to sidetrack here for a sec. Every day for 4 years whenever I saw her her eyes would light up and you could see the love on her face. That night when I walked in the life drained out of her when she saw me. I think that hurt me more then what happened next. She would not talk to me. She threw the flowers in the trash and sent someone outside to talk to me.
I bought a pack of smokes and went to Gus, my supposed best friend and cried my eyes out for I didn't know what was going on and I was scared I was going to lose her. the next day I did. She came over and returned the ring, her jewelry, some videogames, and the key to the house. She said she did not want to hurt me, but she couldn't marry me.
I remember losing it and asking her if she wanted to go to counseling or something, but she was very intent that it was over, there was no saving us. This was just 5 days after we were laughing and having a good time at our fav. restaurant and movies and such. She left, I lost my mind.
I don't remember much, but I was crying and wailing. It was almost like she died, that type of shock and reaction.
i cried till I did not have any tears left. Then I called my other friend, Gus was already with me, and I told him I couldn't live any more, not with out her. I told him I just wanted to say goodbye and hung up. He called the cops.
The cops came and told me since I was having suicidal thoughts I had to go see a counselor either by free will (the next day) or force (that night). I chose the next day.
The cops left and I watched tv with gus, or he was watching it and I was in and out of consciousness. I then told him I was thirsty and was getting a drink. I then went in to the office and took 40-45 Torol XL 100 mg blood pressure pills.
I grabbed the picture of Katie and i and went to sleep for the last time.
14 hours later I woke up. I was not dead and the first thing I said was, "****!" I went to the counsler and told him, since it did not work, what I did. He was in shock and called the hospital who told him I could collapse at any moment and to keep an eye on my fingers. They took me to the hospital and kept me there for poison controll for 8 hours. I never got sick, I never died. The only thing that happened is my blood pressure went down to the lowest level I have ever seen in my life, something that would probably be considered normal to most.
I voluntarily went to a mental hospital, and about lost my mind there.
After a week i was released and came home, but that was not as good as I thought it would be. I came home and had lost 5 friends. Then 3 days later I lost my job.
A week after that I caught Katie and Gus on a date. She ran away from me, I did not even see her at first. Gus was dressed up and he never wears nice clothes, I should have punched him, but after the past two weeks my will was broken.
It is now going on 4 months and I am still heartbroken. My thoughts race at night, I am on antidepressants and I am now seeing a counselor.
Nico, I have been through hell. Please don't follow my route, don't be like me.
I don't wish this pain on anyone, but believe me, if anyone on here knows what you are going through it is me brother.
The only thing that brings me any happiness anymore is doing my video reviews and the reactions to them.
Other than that. I am empty.
I lost my love, my lover, my best friend and that was just Katie. I told her everything, there wasn't a single day in 4 years that I didn't talk to her, and now I can't.
I got to stop writing, this is too hard to talk about.
I love you nico brother, hang in there. please.
