Self destructing in a bad way

[316lvm]

Having one of those days. I have no where to turn to, no one is available to talk, so I've come here.

I've overcome alot of things in my life, but anger and self destructing have always been issues with me.

When I'm hurt or angry, I take it out on myself.

So, after 9 months of not smoking, I went and bought a pack of smokes and am smoking. Not that I like it, no. Hate it.

But I'm tired of getting knocked down. Of all the people I thought would support me, really hasn't. In 24 years of being with my hubby, this is the first time I've gotten resistance to anything I've done.

"Don't vape at my son's baseball games." (Never mind that I'm in the car or away from everyone else.) "You're vaping too much." "We're going to get pulled over because of your vaping." "Don't vape around people." "That thing looks like you're doing drugs." "Do you have to vape in the parking lot?"

Alot of the embarrassment and paranoia is after I got my mods.

I'm disgusted, hurt, depressed, and tired. I've hurt myself again; I've hurt my son.

I know that this too shall pass, and everything will work out eventually. Maybe by me smoking again, it will finally hit home.

All I know, is I hate where I'm at right now, and tomorrow seems an eternity away.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Israfil]

Aww...316, sorry to hear you're having troubles. I wish I could help, but as you said it may be that time is the answer. Thanks for coming to us to vent.

 

[Upinthehills]

316, I'm sorry you're so frustrated. Have you asked your husband exactly what it is he's objecting to? Is it the big mod? Is it that he'd rather you smoked? I'm sorry you feel so bad right now.

 

[BradSmith]

I'm verry sorry to hear that. Hopefully you two can sit down and work this out.

 

[kj4lxw]

Maybe you guys can have a talk about it without it getting too emotional. Here's hoping you can work it out.

 

[zbasspro]

Wow...doesn't sound like I would have put up w/ that for as long as u did!! I would do it, and he would have to get over it pretty quick! I vape where I want, when I want.. and have not gotten anything but curious looks and questions and I am very quick to fill them in. Do what makes you happy! That's all you can do to keep ur self happy..he will come around soon!! Do not hurt ur self...It doesnt help.!! Vape darlin... and be happy!!!! If u need to talk PM me!

 

[gb_ibmguy]

I take it that your Husband is a non-smoker? So is my Wife. She is tickled pink that I am not smoking. Not so tickled pink about the amount of money I've spent on my new hobby. Perhaps that's the issue?
Try not to blame yourself, my wife has a lot of the same issues, anger, guilt etc. My guess is there is some other underlying cause and he is just using vaping to lash out.
I hope things get better, and that you throw that pack of ciggs out!

GB

 

[Shai]

Sorry to hear of your frustrations. But, don't take it out on yourself. And don't let your husband take out his frustrations on you. Tearing someone down is a classic means to make one's self feel better. And I would question whether your husband is hiding anything illegal if he's so concerned about drawing the "wrong" attention. At least that would be my first instinct.

I used to smoke pot many years ago and was always paranoid about cops behind me when driving, drawing attention from them, etc. Took me years to "get over it". Now I figure if they stop me for what they think is something I'm doing illegally, so what. I'm not doing anything illegal. Am I concerned they might think my vaping is doing drugs? Sure but they can't arrest you for doing something that is not illegal. Remember, anything that is not illegal is LEGAL. You don't need a law telling everything what is legal.

I used to roll my own cigs for a while. I was self-conscious about that. Never had a cop stop me and there were times I rolled in public and a few right in front of them. I got more grief from John Q. Public than I did the "man".

You need to tell your husband to "get over it". If he's not going to be supportive well.....find someone who is? You deserve better. Yeah, I know there's more to it then that, but you get the idea.

Everytime he tells you not to vape, tell him you wish he were more gifted below the belt than above it. That should set him right.

 

[Kate51]

316lvm ~ Oh, Boy, that sounds familiar.
I finally told my H ~ either help me out, defend me, or SHUT UP!
Whose side are you on, mine, or 'somebody' who may see me 'using'
and ask questions, or actually talk to me about it. Must say, he hasn't been so darned red-necked around me, doesn't mean he still doesn't do it out of my ear shot.
I may well vape the rest of my life. I am not going to kill myself. My ADD tells me I'm doing quite well at 12mg juice, and I know I can go down to 6mg/ml, the the difference in the nicotine (which is tiny) is very apparent....my memory recall, my general awareness and brain function is better at 12mg. So I'm going to stick with it! This has been a problem of mine all my life, and self appreciation is just plain hard work!! I do have many redeeming qualities, and I expect so do you!!
You apparently have a self-destruct just like mine, I just don't talk about A LOT rather than subject myself to having to defend myself all the time. That is abusive, don't fall for that control-freak methodology.
You are what you are, everyone else be damned! Sometimes the only defensive strategy available is to get madder than they are, and voice it loudly. Pick your battles, but never forsake yourself, or you're sunk. Be your own best friend, no one else knows you better.
Sorry, that made me rant. By the way, My husband stopped smoking when I did. He still chews, and that's fine! Now just leave me to my method, I love it! I told him I would give up my PV if he gave up his chew. He didn't answer me. Silence is Golden!

 

[zbasspro]

Very well said Kate!! ^5

 

[keyzygirl]

My hubby did that too,he TOLD me not to vape at the kids soccer games,the grocery store and he said I vape to much,or spend to much money on supplies.I TOLD him,I believe he has a mental disorder that causes him to find fault with people who are not doing anything wrong,and he should have that checked out and see if theres a new med that might help him to appreciate people more.It didnt help,but I had a good laugh.I hope he feels better soon so he gets off your case.

 

[Kate51]

Thanks, but it really breaks my heart when I see things like that. Would he be embarrassed if she had to use oxygen and stay home from the ball game? If so, then shame on him.

 

[UntamedRose]

wow...do we need a nonvaping spouse support club?

Mine is about the same...He's happy I'm not smoking (heck the worst fight we have ever had was when I messed up and smoked a cig)

But on the other hand Loves to tell me all the stuff I'm doing wrong with ecigs
spending to much time on them
spent to much money on them
Why do I need more then one bottle at a time?
I refill to much(I drip)
my batteries should last way longer then they do
I just hit...I shouldnt have to hit again

He has it in his head that One hit should equal one cig, a 510 battery should have lasted 24 hours at least, and doesnt see why I might not like the dekang liquids they are cheaper! Oh and he Hates my eGo, it's huge and ugly! what was wrong with your blu?

He is so supportive in other issues...career kids all that stuff but not ecigs. I ask him about it and he says he loves me vaping so much better then smoking...but then will make some muttered comment later on. WTH?


I'm Sorry I just ranted on your rant...

 

[CES]

I wish that all of you were getting more support. Hold on to what you KNOW is true about your choices, and don't take the anger out on yourself when people don't get it.

 

[keyzygirl]

We should lock them all in a room together somewhere.See how much they like eachothers company.call it biotchfest.LOL,sorry

 

[316lvm]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. Sometimes, hubby says things that he doesn't realize how it affects me or others.

And yes Shai, it does have a little bit to do with herbs.

We've talked about this before, but are doing so more in depth at the moment.

Without getting into details about my issues suffice it to say that no one thought I'd be alive at 26. You know, bigger, better, faster push life to the max and God help anyone who steps in my way.

So, I'm allowing myself just this day to get things worked out - (Geeze, another learning experience ) and tomorrow will get here when it does.

As for the cigs - I'm allowing myself this day as well to fall off the wagon.

Hubby has apologized and has promised not to say anything about my vaping. He says he is proud of how I quit and wants me to stay off the cigs.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you again for being there for me.

 

[piratecaptainbob]

does your husband secretly work for the FDA? I would expect that kind of behavior from the US government, not by a loved one. Hell, i would support someone shooting up nicotine into their arm in public if it helped them give up cigs. if hes a non smoker i wouldnt understand why he would be against vaping, but if hes a die hard smoker then i can understand smokers looking down on vapers. my brothers a smoker and made fun of my ego as i chuckled and said keep blowing your money on them cancer sticks.

 

[Shotline]

316, I know the feeling. I told my father today about my quitting smoking and using the PV. After explaining what it was and that I still get nicotine from it, all he hooked onto was that I was getting the nicotine and cold turkey was the only way to do it!

It was so frustrating. And consider I was talking to him in his hospital be where he has congestive heart failure, bleeding in his esophagus and an enlarged prostrate, all or most of which is from his years of smoking that he gave up only a few years ago.

He could not make the connection that although I am still getting the nicotine, that is all I am getting. I told him I am getting one chemical instead of the 4000+ from cigarettes.

When it comes to vaping, I say do what you know is better for you and everyone else be damned. It is your life and your health.

 

[316lvm]

You made me smile - no FDA, non-smoker, gifted below the belt (no comment), rant on the rant and putting non-supporting SO's and Spouses in the same room

I think if I had gotten anymore upset than I was, I might have waited till he went to sleep and drawn on huge black eyebrows on his face and colored in his lips with a permanent red marker.

 

[Kate51]

It's a sad fact that most people outside of e-cig users think this should be a terminal condition.
When I stopped smoking, I stopped SMOKE. The rest will be history at the end. Nicotine is not a dangerous or deadly or sinful thing when used respectfully of it's potential toxicity. New treatments for Alzheimers, ADD, even IBS, perhaps COPD and Asthma may be added, that's of course subjective, and more are using nicotine for it's beneficial properties. I know it for myself. Much more will be known as the world wakes up.