Self-Loathing..Stages of Grief (from quitting analogs)

[evolutionx]

I'm only on Day 11 of my quit but I'm noticing that I have been quickly going through the stages of grief for the loss of my analog habit. I noticed I was sad the first couple days, then proud and now I've noticed I'm angry at myself for self-mutilation and wasted money. The last couple days I noticed that I feel anger and disgust towards other current smokers...for example smelling smoke on someones clothes or seeing them in their car makes me look at them like scumbags. It's not even like I'm jealous raging, perhaps just self-loathing that I used to be that scumbag person. I would never become a fanboy that runs around dirty looking smokers because I AM a (ex) smoker, I'm just assuming that with any cessation of a powerful drug brings these emotions. I guess I need to get to the point that I accept the bad decision I made at an immature age and look forward to a hopeful future cigarette free....just venting some emotions that I'm sure many if not all of us experienced when first quitting.

Also, now that quitting has become "boring", I found some good videos to keep me on the right track...here is the link (warning-these videos are disturbing but are reality) Smoking & Tobacco Use - YouTube

 

[Steve K]

Yes I think everyone goes through these different stages after quitting,And I'm in the stage now where I'm trying to get everyone who smokes to convert to vaping.I work with about 30 people and most of them smoke and complain about wanting to quit and wasting money, so they are targets for my propaganda.I would love to see just one smoker at my job change over and love it,Cause they would.
But Its hard for me to be sad about giving up analogs because it was literally killing me and all I wanted to do was end it.Now I am vaping obsessed.But the thing you pointed out about looking at people a different way who smell like smoke is the same as when I stopped drinking 11 years ago and thought everyone who drank was a drunk or a weak person.But I don't really think thats true now.

 

[MorpheusPA]

I noticed the same thing, and also noticed that a visit to Dr. Doctor was in order due to a depressive episode (which I haven't had in ages). Turns out smoking was probably enhancing my mood, which now didn't happen any longer. Hello, meds. No harm, no foul, it's fixed now.

Some people experience mood swings. If that's happening to you, a visit to your doctor is definitely in order. Over-venting of emotional baggage is probably a bad sign, but I can't tell if you're in normal vent mode or not.

You do go through the stages of grief (I skipped anger and only gently touched on denial, personally, but it does vary person to person). Eventually you get to acceptance and everything's OK but different again.

At least this is only (hah! Only!) a life change, not coming to terms with something really horrible. Most people seem to skip through the stages pretty fast and come out the other side feeling better.

 

[Grimheart]

I went through the same stages, to the point of pissing many of my friends off. I would preach and shake my finger at them to no avail. Whenever I saw someone smoking, like you, I would mouth the words 'scumbag'. It still pains me to see young people smoke and I want to run up to them and smack the living crap out of them.

 

[hvac999]

I smoked analogs for 35 years. I have been casually smoking e-cigs since 2010 but did not stop analogs entirely until 12/26. I generally feel REALLY good about it but I do feel like I lost a close friend.

 

[eHuman]

The worst smoker is an ex-smoker. Long before I quit I vowed, "not to be that guy". How many people do you think you can tell that "smoking is bad for you" before you run across someone who didn't know?

Change your anger towards them into compassion. As you said, you too were once in that prison unable to help or free yourself. Remind yourself that it is judgemental and hypocritical to look down on someone for doing something that you yourself have done most of your life. When you smell that acrid and putrid smell on them, remember that you too unknowingly offended many people in your life time in the very same way.

When I smell that on people now, it's not so much a, "I'm glad i'm not them" mentality. It's more of a, "I'm glad i've been set free from that" mentality.

Sometimes I will purposely go to a designated smoking area and vape. I won't say a word about it which may be received as unwelcome and, "none of my business". You would be surprised at how many people ask about it. Then, anything I have to share is welcome as the invitation was given by them. Even if it was just out of curiosity. Looking back, that's how I came to look for more info on e-cigs. I sawa woman vaping (LOL into her purse) in an office waiting room, and I asked her what it was...

 

[evolutionx]

Just to clear up...I'm not talking true anger to the point of actually verbalizing or threats...just in my mind as disgust, not actual true mood swings, just normal venting.

 

[LoneDeRanger]

this is normal, it is your mind trying to cope with having lost a number of chemicals that it was dependent upon. I see this in ...... addicts or recoveries, and a lot in mentally unsound individuals I have to work with daily.

This is NORMAL, just realize that it is "in your head" and that you can control it.


I went through HATING!!!!! the smell of smoke on people.... I can smell it now... I did before, when I quit the first time... it's repulsive...


and I smell it on other smokers when they come back inside... I never smell like smoke... I smell like my cologne I mix up...

 

[Pentarian]

I'm on 11 days as well and was sad at first. Now I'm trying to be as proud as I can and get the word out to whoever I can. I also have quite a few smokers at work and some who are interested in vaping. I don't point the finger at anyone but instead have hung a small piece of paper on my office door that shows the banner of "smoke free for X days and saved X dollars". It might help change some minds.

 

[eHuman]

Just to clear up...I'm not talking true anger to the point of actually verbalizing or threats...just in my mind as disgust, not actual true mood swings, just normal venting.

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you did. You are describing the normal human condition I.E. it can be quite "natural" to feel like that. What I am describing is a person's attempt to rise above it. As in, "what thought process" we can have to help battle it. Thinking right doesn't automatically mean success, but at least we are in the fight. Some people aren't even in the fight. They are just plain rude to people for doing things that they themselves did.