So this skeleton walks into a bar
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[FONT="]I was on a train a few weeks ago, and right next to me was a hot blonde, along with a less attractive woman, and also some other guy. I started vaping and that started a conversation with the two women who were curious. After a minute or two of conversation, the guy (whom no one knew) interrupted, and started slamming e-cigs. He began to preach about how I didnt really stop smoking and the evil of nicotine, yada, yada, yada. He wouldnt listen to any logic, or reason, and it was obvious he was one of those unreasonable anti-smokings Nazis. [/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Just then the train goes into a tunnel and everything goes dark. Then theres a kissy kissy sound, and a loud slap. As the train comes out of the tunnel and the compartment is lit back up, everyone sees a red hand mark on the anti smokers face.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The hot blonde is thinking to herself, "I bet he meant to kiss me and grabbed the other woman and she slapped him."
The less attractive woman is thinking to herself, "I bet he kissed that blonde woman and she slapped him."
The anti-smoker with the hand print on his face was thinking , "I bet that jerk with the e-cig kissed that blonde woman, and she slapped me thinking I did it.."
Meanwhile, I was thinking, "I can't wait to go through another tunnel so I can make another kissy kissy noise, and slap that anti-smoking nazi again!"[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Just then the train goes into a tunnel and everything goes dark. Then theres a kissy kissy sound, and a loud slap. As the train comes out of the tunnel and the compartment is lit back up, everyone sees a red hand mark on the anti smokers face.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The hot blonde is thinking to herself, "I bet he meant to kiss me and grabbed the other woman and she slapped him."
The less attractive woman is thinking to herself, "I bet he kissed that blonde woman and she slapped him."
The anti-smoker with the hand print on his face was thinking , "I bet that jerk with the e-cig kissed that blonde woman, and she slapped me thinking I did it.."
Meanwhile, I was thinking, "I can't wait to go through another tunnel so I can make another kissy kissy noise, and slap that anti-smoking nazi again!"[/FONT]
A guy walks into a bar and sees a woman at the end of the bar.
The man says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and I'd like to buy a drink for
the ......... at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "OK, but you shouldn't talk to a woman like that."
The bartender asks the woman what she would like.
The woman says, "I'll have a vinegar and water."
The man says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer and I'd like to buy a drink for
the ......... at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "OK, but you shouldn't talk to a woman like that."
The bartender asks the woman what she would like.
The woman says, "I'll have a vinegar and water."
A guy is walking down the beach just kicking sand when he kicks a bottle, picks it up, brushes it off only to have a Genie appear and say "Master, you have one wish". The man thinks for a moment then asks, "I want one so long it hangs in the sand" and just like that, ZAP! The Genie cuts his legs off.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she has already been told twice!
Sorry girls, but I had to do it, lol. rsmith76
Nothing, she has already been told twice!
Sorry girls, but I had to do it, lol. rsmith76
So this penguin takes his car into the shop, and...
Oh, never mind, the monkey tells it better than I do, anyway.
YouTube - CHIMP ON PENGUINS
Oh, never mind, the monkey tells it better than I do, anyway.
YouTube - CHIMP ON PENGUINS
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Quasimod, that's hilarious. I'm going to have to remember that. Unfortunately no one will interrupt the jokes in the same way, I'd love to respond to someones "It's a ....ing penguin car"
What do you call a castrated man wilth his genitals io the windsheild?
Married to Lorana Bobbit on a VERY bad day.
Married to Lorana Bobbit on a VERY bad day.
So this guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Martini. No sooner than the bartender sets the Martini down on the bar, a little man, about 12" long jumps out of the customers jacket pocket, runs across the bar and kicks over the Martini, runs back and sits on the customers shoulder. Customer orders another Martini and the same thing happened. When ordering the third Martini the bartender says, "Hey wait a minute, what's going on here?". The customer says "The other day I was walking down the beach just kicking sand when I inadvertently kicked a bottle. I picked it up, brushed it off and a Genie appeared. Well, I guess he misunderstood because I asked him for a 12" ..... and here he is!".
A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asked the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club" replied the seal.
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "I
can't serve you." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."
can't serve you." The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun-guy."
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said John, 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
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