The Joke Tread!

[P0P]

A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!"

The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I can't say the same about you."

"You could..." said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do

 

[spacekitty]

In praise of Women who read!!

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap .

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the
boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am,
what are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment, for all I know you could
start at any moment, I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"For reading a book," she replies.

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment, for all I know you could
start at any moment, I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"
says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment, for all I know you
could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.



MORAL:

Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.

 

[P0P]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its 'heart', take valves out, fix'em, put'em back in; and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a measly salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same kind of work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running

 

[jj2]

Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do better.

 

[analogbgone]

 

[jj2]

 

[liblue1]

What games to ants play with elephants?

Squash......................

 

[jj2]

Q. What often falls but never gets hurt?

A : Rain

 

[liblue1]

Which fish can perform operations?


A Sturgeon..............................

 

[jj2]

Q: What is a computer virus?
A: A terminal illness!

 

[jj2]

 

[spacekitty]

Eating Ice Cream

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

 

[jj2]

What 3 letters change a girl into a woman?

A : AGE.

 

[liblue1]

What do sea monsters eat?


Fish and ships...................

 

[jj2]

Q: Why was the computer cold?
A: It left it's Windows open!

 

[liblue1]

 

[jj2]

Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?
A: Because it was looking for a byte to eat?

 

[liblue1]

 

[jj2]

Q: Why did the computer squeak?
A: Because someone stepped on it's mouse!

 

[jj2]