The Joke Tread!
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Choices in Hell
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in poop up to their necks. The guy says "No, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing in poop up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing in poop up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says O.K.
The guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing in poop up to their necks. The guy says "No, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing in poop up to their noses. Guy says no again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing in poop up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says O.K.
The guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
Girls Night Out
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed, I knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT He didnt seem suspicious in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said, We need a new cuckoo clock. When I asked him why, he said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh crap!' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I promised my husband that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed, I knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT He didnt seem suspicious in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said, We need a new cuckoo clock. When I asked him why, he said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh crap!' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
Wife's Cat
A man absolutely hated his wifes cat. One day, he decided to get rid of him by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat again!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: Jen, is the cat there?
Yes, the wife answers, why do you ask?
Frustrated, the man answers, Put him on the phone, Im lost and need directions!"
A man absolutely hated his wifes cat. One day, he decided to get rid of him by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat again!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: Jen, is the cat there?
Yes, the wife answers, why do you ask?
Frustrated, the man answers, Put him on the phone, Im lost and need directions!"
A POUND OF BUTTER
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, amour Honor, I am primitive. I don’t have a proper measure, but I do have a scale.” The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?” The farmer replied “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”
What is the moral of the story?
” We get back in life what we give to others.
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, amour Honor, I am primitive. I don’t have a proper measure, but I do have a scale.” The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?” The farmer replied “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”
What is the moral of the story?
” We get back in life what we give to others.
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