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The KBV Novella-- Complete and Unabridged

Discussion in 'Kick Bass Vapor' started by Dalton63841, Aug 16, 2011.

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  1. medic123

    medic123 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 30, 2010
    a Florida beach
    Well at least Sheriff Dalton is going over there keeping an eye on things...
  2. Ciego

    Ciego Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Well it is indeed a quiet Saturday around the Hidey Hole. Wonder if everybody's across the lake at that party pad over yonder?

    ** Ciego slides a pair of extremely loud plaid Bermuda shorts over his thong, then dons a very bright Hawaiian shirt with coconut shell buttons and puts on his flip-flops. **

    Them dang skeeters (not the lady) chewed me up last night! Should have known not to run around the woods wearing just a thong.

    ** Wanders up to the forlorn and abandoned would-be sauna building.**

    Golly, sure hope I can get a sauna heater and stuff put in before it gets cold around here. I'm still looking forward to communing with a dozen sweaty naked people, detoxifying and generally getting humid.

    ** Finds a bottle in his pocket.**

    Hey, this one isn't marked in braille.

    ** Drips a few droplets into an LR atty and pushes the buttone....**

    Gasp!! This tastes like Vomit Vapor Tibetan Yak Ball Sweat juice (TM)!!!

    ** Convulses and gags....**
  3. bonniegirl

    bonniegirl Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    May 18, 2009
    South Jersey USA
    *Bonniegirl awakened in the tree stump number 69 on the left, she had chosen to sleep there as the rain on the cabin on wheels was rat-a-tatting her nerves to the brink. Twas ever so calming to find the mossy bed she knew so well and the rain never ratted or tatted a bit. The slumber was restless, though. She had not been commiserating with the Ms Walker for two days now and the hands were a bit shaky. Would surely be nice to have a swig to settle the nerves as it was........ five O'clock somewhere.......... but she was trying to follow Preacherman Hys suggestion to get to know God without the Ms Walker. Seemed that whenever the Ms walker was in her, she had a relationship with God and she would Holy roll all over the Hidey Hole and "folks didn't take her seriously," he said. Her eyes peered out of the stump and she tossed the empty bean can out from the evening meal..........well the one she ate before sleep. Beans were filling and smooth and seemed to add some comfort when the Ms Walker was not around. She knew that was "ODD" but that was O.K. with her, she didn't need to be normal or regular.......well, except for the bowels. Speaking of bowels, she had not seen her favorite TV show, the wheel of fortune, for many moons and she wondered how many bowels folks had bought since that crazy lady from Kansas bought four in one game!
    She won that game and got a four wheeler and a kitchen set. Bonniegirl thought aloud about buying bowels to get a kitchen set and decided she needed neither............another bowel or a kitchen set. Her cabin had a table that turned into a bed! No kitchen set on that show could do that! These Ms Walkerless mornings were hard on the bones, the stomach and the bowels, but Bonniegirl chose to settle the bowels she had instead of buying new ones. Bonniegirl smelled the familiar Auntie Ms coffee and her eyes peeled open more than the previous mole-like looking eyes and she saw a few fisherfolk gathered by the fire. The leaves were turning a bit and a chill was in the air and the damp smell of the hidey hole floor gave her a cozy feeling of home. She gathered her wits.......*OK, they were few to gather, but she gathered them anywho*..........stuffed the brassiere with the necessities of living.......*Yeah, I will spare ya the long list* and patted her curlers and found stray hairs and tucked them under another curler and smoothed her dress and pinched her cheeks. Left foot first, she climbed outta the stump and her rump was full circle enclosing the stump and would not go in or out. This was a quandry..........she had gained some weight since her last stump sleep over and the rump would not remove or retreat. Bonniegirl was afraid the folks at the campfire would see this full mooning, as the housedress had decided to stay in as the rump went out. Oh my! She remembered her Grandmothers warning............."Never leave home without clean under-drawers, cause ya never know what could happen." This was one of those happenings. She tried to think if there were any LOL (Not the joose) squirts or worse, some OMG(Not the joose) skid marks she had forgotten about. The sweat beads formed as she wriggled and wrangled her rump to move in or out and it was no use. her fish smelly ..................

    cat was looking at her from the inside and God only knew who was viewing her rump from the outside. This was a horrid situation to be in. She then had a flight of thoughts.............Ciego didn't mind who saw his rump. He romped all over the Hidey Hole in his thong and both cheeks glowing at all. She wondered how he did that. Preacherman Hy bathed in the stream, but he kept his clothes on even if it did make him look like he urinated on hisself. That was alright for the menfolk, but womenfolk felt mighty different about rump showings. Well, except them Kardashians and that Nancy R Foxey on that pole! No way on Gods green earth was she like those floozies. Her rump was her bizness and now here it was for all to view..............As the temperature and blood pressure rose and the beads of sweat dripped, she worried and fretted over the rump showing.

    to be continued.......................

    pass the popcorn please and some of that KY (Not the Chris one), we may need it
  4. medic123

    medic123 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 30, 2010
    a Florida beach
    Is there no one out there to help poor Bonniegirl out of the stump? I bet she really has a bad case of the DT's by now.
  5. HyOnLyph

    HyOnLyph Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Mar 27, 2010
    Orange County, CA
    Hy stumbles up and "sees" bonniegirl's quandry.... hmmmmm. "Bohn??? You OK in dere???"
    "CIEGO, Get on over here & lend a hand..... OH!! AND BRING THE AXE"........

    OMG (not the joose)..
  6. Ciego

    Ciego Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    * Ciego stares unbbelieving at Bonnie's stump. The reek of the two-week old corn pads on her toes is overwhelming.*

    DT's? I look at those as a necessary part of recovery. And, it's after all a free show that might be very entertaining, depending on the circus between your ears.

    Closest to seeing pink elephants I've ever been is when I caught sight of myself in a full-length mirror, wearing my hot pink thong. Talk about a baby elephant trunk...but I digress.

    Oh yea, I was supposed to bring the axe... now where the heck Did I put that thing?

    I'm stumped.

    * Ciego wanders off in search of the ridiculously sharp axe and immediately falls face down in the piussy

    willows. *
  7. RazorNribbonz

    RazorNribbonz Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Razor shrugged on a black robe to cover the tattered cat suite up from prying eyes...... She left the confines of the high speed funhouse..Heading across the pond in hopes of finding her partner in crime, streetvapor...I mean, It's not like he'd be hard to find what with that manacle laugh and his ability to laugh at himself just as fast..Which was apparent everytime....::: pause ::: oh wait, that's me laughing at him (snicker)

    Sigh::...dragging my toybox in the midst of the campfire. In hopes of catching a glimpse of the man in the
    thong chopping at the dock.....

    Ivy lounged back against the tree her left foot propped low against the bark....Suddenly she felt sharp little teeth nip at her shoulder...Spinning aound, she caught site of a woman lodged inside the treee...Making all kind of weird sounds.... and the smell!..::: arching a brow and slowly withdrawing:: Ivy screamd out
    Streets Name>>> Dam*nit Steets, you best come resuce me or I'm going to make you suck on the end of my HippChitBlaster2000!

    Just then the whole town started waking up
  8. medic123

    medic123 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 30, 2010
    a Florida beach
    Medic is awaken by someones really high pitched screams....Wow, Razor is loud. She runs over to find Razor leaning against a tree holding her should where someone has bitten her. Then she looks down. Bonniegirl, what are you doing upside down in that tree? Ciego, put the axe down now! No you can't chop the tree with Bonnie in it. Somebody run on down to Mini's coffee and donut shop and get me a gallon of cooking oil. We can pour it on Bonnie and if enough of us get together we can pull her out. Hurry before the smell makes us all sick.....
  9. Ciego

    Ciego Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    * Unable to find the ridiculously sharp axe, Ciego inadvertently trips over Razornribbons' toybox near the camppfire. *

    Good! The tool box! I imagine I'll find the right tool for the job. In fact, I have *been* the right tool for the job....

    * Begins digging through the toy box. *

    My Gawd! There are some *unique* tools in this here tool box!

    Hey! *holds up an odd-looking tool* This looks just like my P.E.N.I.S.! (Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalator System). But from the way this thing is vibrating... maybe it's for busting up stumps?

    *Goes over to the stump with the odd-looking and yet menacing vibrating tool in his left hand.

    This'll get that old stump offa Bonnie!
  10. medic123

    medic123 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 30, 2010
    a Florida beach
    I can't quit laughing long enough to type......
  11. RazorNribbonz

    RazorNribbonz Ultra Member ECF Veteran

  12. Ciego

    Ciego Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    ** Ciego tries to find Bonnie's stump, but the vibrating of the odd-looking tool in his hand pulls him away from the path. Before he knows it, Ciego has jammed the vibrating tool directly into the .....

    willows, causing fluff to fly.**

    Aw, crap!

    ** Recovering, Ciego again fires up the vibrating tool and heads toward Bonnie's stump....**

    To be continued...
  13. medic123

    medic123 Ultra Member Verified Member ECF Veteran

    Sep 30, 2010
    a Florida beach
    Wow, found on page 5.
  14. yssiM

    yssiM Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    Dec 12, 2010
    MO USA
    Good job Medic!
  15. Ciego

    Ciego Ultra Member ECF Veteran

    *** Ciego awakens from his dreams of bunnuy suits, exploding ANUSes, drunk and disheveled damsels, bankrupted saunas and missing friends.**

    Good evening Hiney Holders. This is your old buddy Mike Oxlong, coming to you from the rectory of Our Lady of Perpetual Estrus just outside Lake Fishigan.

    ** He yawns, realizes that he is not in the radio station but rather, in the Dank Basement.**

    I've missed you all so much... Uncle Henry, Auntie M., munchkins....

    **Yawns again**

    Damn. It's deader than McKinley's funeral around here. Where did everybody go?

    I know this isn't my personal thread or soapbox, but I thought I'd stop by and say hello, let you know what's up, inquire about the health and welfare of folks with whom I communicated a lot just a few months ago...although it seems like years.

    I read most of this thread tonight, and realized how much we each reveal ourselves when we write, even when we write silly stuff. Bonnie darling, I was also that fat kid with the angelic voice back in the school days. Chris, I get you...finally. BoB and Missy, I miss talking with you guys. Medic, Bullet, Razor, Wolf...everybody.

    I went back to cigarettes hardcore awhile back. isn't it crazy? I have a friend, no, a sister die from a smoking-related lung disease, and my response is to immediately buy a pack of Mule Burros. Whaddamoron. :mad:

    Today, a sister of a friend stopped by, and by accident we started talking about vaping. She was amazingly informed about this all...I gave her three bottles of juice, 2 from KBV and one from Vapor Bomb. She was appreciative. I'll be going back to vaping as soon as my lungs "heal" from something the docs can't diagnose...ain't cancer, ain't COPD, ain't fibrosis, ain't pneumonia...and they're stumped, but my right lung is about a third full of fluid.

    Good news is, with diet (not from the illness) I've dropped 31 pounds and two pants sizes since I last visited here. Seattle Sutton works...expensive, but it works. I'm lighter now than I was the day I was married 24 years ago this coming August. Feels good.

    I'm still making music and will return to Costa Rica in July to work with some musicians there, recording a four-song project. The Dank Basement is now completely remodeled, and I'm experimenting making tinctures (don't ask). :lol:

    I hope everyone is doing well. Miss you guys.

    ** Ciego smiles and turns away, turning off his computer.**

    Night night.
  16. zbasspro

    zbasspro Vaping Master ECF Veteran

    Does anyone else find it coincidental that the thonged bandit reappears on 420? :sneaky:
  17. ChrisKY

    ChrisKY Moved On ECF Veteran

    Nov 8, 2010
    It's the Boy Blunder - Ciego the Masked Offender! LOL

    Yeah boB, I think it is a bit suspicious if you ask me... I saw a vendor list a 4-20 sale and wondered if there shop got raided. Kind of giving it all away there.

    I had to have my daughter tell me what the crap the whole 4-20 thing was about a few years ago and then I grounded her! LOL guilt by acknowledgement...

    Sad - getting old. So behind the times...

    Ciego - sorry I missed your call, got tied up (not in the fun way). Will give you a ring this week.
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