Good evening everyone
So I've been busy....supposed to be time off this week, but needed to get a bigger/faster computer so I've spent the last 3 days setting up a new computer and adapting to windows 8.
neat. (actually, it's not bad....just a heck of a lot different than the last 3 new operating system releases...and I avoid new OSs as much as possible.)
Since I've had my nose to the grind stone, I've been able to keep up but without much time for comment....and understandably, no mood. But I just wanted to acknowledge the impact the trip to Colorado has made...at least for me. We all know the shock and grief that occurred when we found out our friend had passed, but I was left wondering how long this was going to carry on....Much like you, I was stricken and in a way I had never dreamed of.
Jack is not the first Reonaut who has passed away....we lost another about 18 months or so ago to the war in the middle East. I hadn't gotten to know him overly well, but had exchanged a number of PMs with him and chatted in his threads a few times. He had received his Reo right before he deployed and was thrilled to no end. When we heard the news, I was shocked....and shed some tears....questioning even then, why? It's not like we were buds or anything. I guess back then I just chalked it up to being overly emotional about the end of life....been too close to it in my own life, been to way more than my fair share of funerals for someone my age, so it made sense. My husband ended up with his GLV2 and when it arrived, it was a somber moment. It doesn't get used, but has it's place on the shelf.
But when we learned of Jack's passing, I felt a deep sense of loss and regret. I was overcome with sadness and suffered through endless tears all while not understanding why....again, I had never met Jack in person. We did not go back ...you know, like we had been friends for decades or anything. So after the first day....I settled a bit (thank goodness for work responsibilities, helped me focus) and I started to ponder this more in depth. Why was I so devastated over Jack moving on? Because, while I am bound to the computer much of my time, I don't have as much outside interaction with the real world, I don't have as many face to face interactions with my friends and family as I used to. this medium has given me a safe, anonymous way to express part of myself and share with others. I recall hearing complaints from lots of people about the new techy age taking away from real interpersonal relationships....but the way I see it, it hasn't taken anything away...more like replaced it (not for good or bad, just different). I felt sadness, because I found in Jack all the things I loved and cherished in my friends who were 50 years older than me that I spent time with every morning before work years ago. Wisdom, heart, wicked wit, history and a sharp sense of humor. Just my kind of guy....honestly, my favorite kind of people are "grumpy old men." I know Jack was no saint....he had his faults like we all do. But he was not the kind of person who hid them, he embraced them.
So now that the trip has come to an end, and Jack has been laid to rest, I am left feeling a new sensation. Instead of the profound sense of loss, I've moved on to feeling lucky to have had the pleasure of knowing the man, in the only way I can....through his writing, in PMs, in the threads, and in his book. I feel almost happy, I guess.... like I got to be part of something special by being able to communicate with him and read his daily harassment of all of us. This is the same feeling I got after losing so many to a plane crash a couple of decades ago. I look fondly on it now, like I was blessed to have known them all and to have been part of a community going through the healing process. It took me much longer back then to come around, understandably so....but I just wanted to let you all know, that you've helped me reach this stage and I am thankful for it and each and everyone one of you...your posts, your photos, your travels and for some of you...your long chats on the phone or google chat. I feel equally blessed for being part of this community, such that it is, for the same reasons. So do I feel silly for being so emotionally moved over the loss of one of our own? Nah...I may be silly, but I'm gonna own it. Now this weekend, I'm going to a party to help celebrate my friend's 50th birthday...and I'm going to hug all of my real world friends and let them know how much they mean to me as well.
too mushy???
oh well...deal with it.
