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Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...
First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"
Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer lawyers.They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable."
To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."
First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded!"
Fourth surgeon intercedes," I prefer lawyers.They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and butts are interchangeable."
To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says, "I like engineers. They always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."
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I forgot the hilarity of this thread!Two whales walk into a bar.
The first whale says to the other, “WOOOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”
The second whale says, “Shut up Steve, you’re drunk.”
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb ????
2......... just don't ask me how they got in there.
2......... just don't ask me how they got in there.
Bwaaahahahahaha. Is this the "Lightbulb" thread resurrected?
If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player?
The one in the sugar bowl!
Yeah, that one took me a bit as well! Then I had a boss that called another employee "Richard Cranium" all the time, took me a bit to figure that one out as well. I was running a 100mph at the time to, so didn't really have time to st back and think about it!
Three nuns die in a car wreck and go to heaven, they are met at the pearly gates by St. Peter. He approaches them "Well, you've all lead good, devout lives and lived in a Godly manner, but I have to ask each of you a question before you can go in. Seeing your work for the Lord, I'll keep the questions simple for you."
He comes to the first nun, "What was the name of the first man God put on Earth?" She thinks, then replies "Oh, that's easy, that was Adam!"
Lights flash bells ring, lightning strikes the gates open and she goes in.
He comes to the second nun, "What was the name of the first woman God put on Earth?" She thinks, then replies "Oh, that's easy, that was Eve!"
Lights flash, bells ring, lightning strikes, the gates open and she walks in.
He comes to the third nun, "Hmmm, what to ask you, Hmmmm, Oh, I know! What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun steps back, thinks a bit, thinks a bit more, then replies "Oh my, that's a hard one!"
Lights flash, bells ring, lightning strikes, the gates open and she walks in.
A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to
entertain a bar in Arkansas. He's going through his usual
stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience
stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your
Damn hillbilly jokes; we ain't all stupid here in
Arkansas."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the
big guy pipes up "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking
to the smartass little fella on your knee!"
entertain a bar in Arkansas. He's going through his usual
stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience
stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your
Damn hillbilly jokes; we ain't all stupid here in
Arkansas."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the
big guy pipes up "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking
to the smartass little fella on your knee!"
People born before 1946 are called -
The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -
The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -
Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -
Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
Y should I do anything when I can get it all for FREE?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below...
The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -
The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called -
Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called -
Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
Y should I do anything when I can get it all for FREE?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained it most eloquently below...
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I think Saw would appreciate this one!
A woman, calling a local hospital,
said, "hello, i'd like to talk to the person who gives the information regarding your patients.
I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, doing as expected or is getting worse."
the voice on the other end of the line said,
"what is the patients name and room number?"
she said, "sara finkle, in room 302."
"i will connect you with the nursing station."
"3-a nursing station. How can i help you?"
"i would like to know the condition of sara finkle in room 302."
"just a moment. Let me look at her records.
Oh yes, mrs. Finkle is doing very well. In fact she's had two full meals,
her blood pressure is fine and her blood work just came back as normal. She's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement. Dr. Cohen is going to send her home tuesday at twelve o' clock."
the woman said," thank god!
That's wonderful"
oh! That's fantastic.
That's wonderful news! "
the nurse said," from your enthusiasm, i take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"
"not exactly, i am sarah finkel in room 302!
And nobody here tells me anything!"
A woman, calling a local hospital,
said, "hello, i'd like to talk to the person who gives the information regarding your patients.
I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, doing as expected or is getting worse."
the voice on the other end of the line said,
"what is the patients name and room number?"
she said, "sara finkle, in room 302."
"i will connect you with the nursing station."
"3-a nursing station. How can i help you?"
"i would like to know the condition of sara finkle in room 302."
"just a moment. Let me look at her records.
Oh yes, mrs. Finkle is doing very well. In fact she's had two full meals,
her blood pressure is fine and her blood work just came back as normal. She's going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement. Dr. Cohen is going to send her home tuesday at twelve o' clock."
the woman said," thank god!
That's wonderful"
oh! That's fantastic.
That's wonderful news! "
the nurse said," from your enthusiasm, i take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!"
"not exactly, i am sarah finkel in room 302!
And nobody here tells me anything!"
Great! I now wonder what's going on when our computers are supposedly NOT turned on... :-0
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
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