Treasure Chest Ranting

[Sallana]

My husband and I will get into a drop-down drag-out fight once every few months to release the steam, and clear bad air between us. It's painful to drag it all out in the open like that, but we're still newlyweds technically, learning how to and how not to live with each other. That being said, every once in a while the same thing needs to be done around here. It might be ugly, sad, and hurtful to see so many people upset, but it needs to get done for the greater good, for the sake of feeling better afterwords.

My only complaint is that its clogging up the TC thread. Can we do it here instead? =D

 

[leannebug]

How could anyone ever get mad at you???
(((((((((laney)))))))))
But you are right on the money. Good call

 

[loxmythe]

I was kind of hoping it was all over now.

 

[daisyd]

FWIW Sallana, after 10 years of marriage we still do that every so often. It's usually more like once a year, but when all of the little things that aren't really worth arguing about on their own build up to a certain point, they have to come out. Just as long as you can drop it when it's all done, you'll be fine. Grudges kill marriages. I suspect you are right about a similar dinamic going on here. Grudges could kill PIF too. The hard thing is that there are many more people added to the mix, so once one person has vented, they can move on, but then the next person keeps it going, and it can get very negative very fast. I just hope people can do what they need to to move past this and get back to the love. Maybe we need a marriage counselor.

 

[leannebug]

It might be over Loxy, but as Daisy said, there could be people that haven't added their 2c, or maybe someone with an issue that hasn't had a chance to have their say... so it IS good to go ahead and move any discussions off the thread.

(hey.. thanks for the surprise package!! YOU ARE A SWEETHEART!)

 

[Darkwitless]

Sallana - we bicker constantly! The way we look at it, we never let anything get "deep" in the pile of h you're annoying the sheeet out of me" category! We've had a couple of serious blow outs over the past 21 years (in May!) - mostly related to family and our perception of not being defended or dissed. (Ok, ok, MY perception of being dissed or disrespected by a certain family member of his, who may or may not have given birth to him) lol

Clearing the air in a constructive, no name calling way is healthy!

I just read through the discussion - and want to give a huge hug and high 5 to each and every person who took the time to respond...so respectful! No name calling! PIF rocks!

 

[loxmythe]

It might be over Loxy, but as Daisy said, there could be people that haven't added their 2c, or maybe someone with an issue that hasn't had a chance to have their say... so it IS good to go ahead and move any discussions off the thread.

(hey.. thanks for the surprise package!! YOU ARE A SWEETHEART!)

True it never hurts to get things out in the open - and we do appreciate everyone's input and ideas.

Glad you liked the surprise - as soon as I saw it in pif thread I just had to snag it for you

 

[daisyd]

I would like to appologise to anyone I have traded, of PIFed with that I didn't say thank you to. I always try to say it in the initial PMs because my children ate my memory. I am extremely prone to forget things that don't scream at me to remember. I even have alarms set on my phone like "sneakers" on Thursdays to remind me to remind ds that he has to wear sneakers on gym day, no matter the weather. So if I forgot to tell you my package got here and thank you, as far as I can tell (I'm forgetful about what's coming sometimes too) it did and THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are all my personal heroes!

 

[leannebug]

Ya know Lox, that's part of what makes this community SO great... That there ARE people here that see a post on a thread and say "Oh! So and so likes that! I'm going to get that for them". How wonderful is that, that we (even tho a lot of us caught Paula's CRS.. hehe) can remember who likes what.. or needs what.. or whatever!

On thank yous: I am a BIG offender. I've discussed this before with other members that are big on thank you PM's, and I've grown up needing to send thank yous after holidays, and now try and make my own kids do it.. but it's difficult.
me, it's not only a matter of remembering (I sometimes pile my things up, if I've been participating a lot, and have more than one package arriving), my brain is often just a foggy mess, I"m lucky to remember to take care of mundane things around the house, and constantly have to be reminded of things.... and it's extemely time consuming, sometimes painful to type, and I have to pick and choose what I can do and what will have to be "undone"... so FOR ME - I post on the Positive Feedback for PIF thread (which really should be changed to the PIF Thank You thread, because that's really what it is) It's 100 times easier to save all my envies, and take one thread to properly thank everyone.

For those looking for thank yous, have you tried looking on that thread? I know a lot of members post their thanks there.

 

[tiburonfirst]

I was kind of hoping it was all over now.

i'm sure you're right about the treasure chest, loxy, but i still think it would be a good idea to leave this thread open for general pif rants, i.e. complaints about manners, people not reading the rules, etc. maybe this way our main threads won't go off-topic as often.

 

[Sallana]

It may or may not be a good idea to have a "General Complaints" thread. As I said, every once in a while, the air needs to be cleared, and emotions need to be reset. However, threads like this DO have a tendency of getting very ugly very fast. Some simple ground rules would need to be set. Absolutely no naming names, no insults, no cursing, etc.. Either way even with rules, feelings may or may not get hurt in a thread like this and that does worry me. In a perfect world both parties would take it as a learning experience and move on, but I'm worried that's not always the case. We can maybe leave it up UNTIL it becomes a big issue, beyond having to delete a post here and there and reminding people to 'play nice' if something gets said that is really hurtful, rude or derogatory, and upsets another member beyond what would be considered civil - We shut 'er down.

With that being said - I have faith the people of PIF won't let it get that far. A place to let out steam may be truly needed for our well-being.

And I just want to say that I cherish this place and its people with all of my heart and soul. I've been here for almost a year now and have seen it grow, seen it experience turmoil and recovery. I've seen amazing shows of generosity as well as gratitude. I myself have been given more than your average "lucky" person receives. I've been given help with e-cigs, but mostly I've been given love, respect and friendship. Courage and hope in times of darkness, and sunshine and laughs in times of joy. I've made unbreakable bonds and long-lasting friendships. I've made this my home on the internet, because I know there's always plenty of love to go around.

We have created a community that is one-of-a-kind, and we should ALL be proud of ourselves and what we have done here. It's up to us to keep it going, keep it going even when people take advantage, keep it going even after we get hurt, because we are the people that could someday change the world with this very community. It grows, and affects us each on a very deep, personal level. It affects our daily lives and how we feel about society in general. It's changing us one at a time, to be more loving, trusting and giving. It will in turn change others.

I just love PIF. I love the people, I love the concept, and I even love it when it gets messy around here, because that only means we're human, and if we can fight through it - We're even stronger!

 

[leannebug]

I've been given help with e-cigs, but mostly I've been given love, respect and friendship. Courage and hope in times of darkness, and sunshine and laughs in times of joy. I've made unbreakable bonds and long-lasting friendships. I've made this my home on the internet, because I know there's always plenty of love to go around.

We have created a community that is one-of-a-kind, and we should ALL be proud of ourselves and what we have done here. It's up to us to keep it going, keep it going even when people take advantage, keep it going even after we get hurt, because we are the people that could someday change the world with this very community. It grows, and affects us each on a very deep, personal level. It affects our daily lives and how we feel about society in general. It's changing us one at a time, to be more loving, trusting and giving. It will in turn change others.

Well said Sallana ♥ I thought it beared repeating

 

[atsirk]

On Thank You's - Up until very recently, I didn't send PM thanks - I always posted on the Positive Feedback thread. I just thought that was the way it was done. Then, after taking a TC item, the OP stated that he hadn't heard from anyone on if they had rec'd his multiple offer, and my eyes were opened. I now try to remember to always say it arrived and thank you in a PM. I worry that I may have come off as ungrateful to those who do not read that thread, and wish to extend my apologies to them (if they read this one).

I really love this group. And I don't mean luurrve, I mean Love. I have always been a person who trusts too much too fast, and has a shiny wide open view of people in general. This has gotten me hurt more than once, and over time I began to think I might be wrong, that though I may be a giver, the world is full of takers and I'd better harden my heart and learn to be more like them. When I came to this forum and found this group, my faith was restored. Here, in a world of ...-kicking hard times, was a bunch of people who share not only their 'stuff' but themselves, freely giving help, support and love to others.

To me, this group is nothing short of a miracle, and there aren't enough words to express how grateful I am to each and every one of you.

 

[jj2]

I would like to appologise to anyone I have traded, of PIFed with that I didn't say thank you to. I always try to say it in the initial PMs because my children ate my memory. I am extremely prone to forget things that don't scream at me to remember. I even have alarms set on my phone like "sneakers" on Thursdays to remind me to remind ds that he has to wear sneakers on gym day, no matter the weather. So if I forgot to tell you my package got here and thank you, as far as I can tell (I'm forgetful about what's coming sometimes too) it did and THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are all my personal heroes!

I leave notes to myself all over the place.

And I too, now thank anyone who I forgot to thank. Bad excuse but life gets hectic and when it does, I forget more of the little things that may be important to others.

 

[pchela]

Me too! I thought that the positive feedback thread was for thank yous and I also always thank somebody profusely in the initial PM so if I have neglected to PM anybody a thank you after I've received something I apologize! I am so grateful and love you all!

On Thank You's - Up until very recently, I didn't send PM thanks - I always posted on the Positive Feedback thread. I just thought that was the way it was done. Then, after taking a TC item, the OP stated that he hadn't heard from anyone on if they had rec'd his multiple offer, and my eyes were opened. I now try to remember to always say it arrived and thank you in a PM. I worry that I may have come off as ungrateful to those who do not read that thread, and wish to extend my apologies to them (if they read this one).

I really love this group. And I don't mean luurrve, I mean Love. I have always been a person who trusts too much too fast, and has a shiny wide open view of people in general. This has gotten me hurt more than once, and over time I began to think I might be wrong, that though I may be a giver, the world is full of takers and I'd better harden my heart and learn to be more like them. When I came to this forum and found this group, my faith was restored. Here, in a world of ...-kicking hard times, was a bunch of people who share not only their 'stuff' but themselves, freely giving help, support and love to others.

To me, this group is nothing short of a miracle, and there aren't enough words to express how grateful I am to each and every one of you.

 

[StotheK]

So as a newb, I had a thought.

It's been interesting watching this whole discussion evolve over on the main thread, I was starting to wonder what I've gotten myself into

My thought is this, I know there's talk about the rules, but how about some sort of "etiquette" post somewhere to help everyone out, especially people like me and some others who may be a little gun shy. You know, for stuff that's not really a rule but considered good form, such as shooting a PM off to a giver to thank them for your treasure.

Maybe other things like say you get some juice in the TC, you hate it. Is it ok to offer it up in PIF or should it go back as a treasure. At what point is it ok to feel comfortable to jump in and start taking treasures, personally I just grabbed a couple really small things as I don't yet have a stash built up to offer anything, though that will change sooner rather than later I think.

Hope that made sense, I think it might help some people who haven't spent a lot of time in PIF land learn how to play nice without needing to add any additional complexity or limit people's ability to participate.

Steve

 

[typocinnamongrl]

I always PM a thank you the day I get the package, but I didnt notice the positive feedback thread for a couple weeks, now I do both, but one or the other would probably suffice. A PM is more personal, I thought it was just an "unwritten rule" to PM the person who sends you something. I can relate to the feeling of frustration when you send out a PIF and the person never gets back with you, or posts in the positive feedback.. that happens to me alot and I always am left wondering did they even get it???? Not to mention I would like to know what they thought.. what they liked, what they didnt. I've gotten to know some cool people that way, sometimes a simple "thanks, I enjoyed A B and C... D and E not so much, turns into many more messages and some nice conversation. Now I just assume that no news is good news. Its not polite, but not required either :/

 

[sensay]

I am usually thrilled to get a thank you in pm or in the positive feedback thread. It really does not matter to me at all which one. Not so much for the thanks but really for peace of mind that what ever I packed up and sent out made it to its destination... When you don't hear back at all it really sucks wondering!

 

[trouble2k]

My thought is this, I know there's talk about the rules, but how about some sort of "etiquette" post somewhere to help everyone out, especially people like me and some others who may be a little gun shy. You know, for stuff that's not really a rule but considered good form, such as shooting a PM off to a giver to thank them for your treasure.

Maybe other things like say you get some juice in the TC, you hate it. Is it ok to offer it up in PIF or should it go back as a treasure. At what point is it ok to feel comfortable to jump in and start taking treasures, personally I just grabbed a couple really small things as I don't yet have a stash built up to offer anything, though that will change sooner rather than later I think.
Steve

I think part of the learning process is just reading through all of the previous threads and seeing how it's being done. Just like you have been Most of the "ranting" that has been going on is about people just jumping in without even bothering to figure out or care what Pay It Forward is all about. There is a great "Ask the Mods" thread in the stickies that you can ask questions in also. Or, just ask questions in the Chit Chat thread.

If you receive items or juices in a treasure or a PIF that you will not use or don't like, it's perfectly fine to offer those up again. That's what part of the concept is at PIF. Nobody should be offended as long as it stays here. If you don't like something, please Pay It Forward and let someone else try it out.

 

[leannebug]

Agreed (what T2K said). When I give a gift, which is what PIFing is all about, I try very hard to 'give without strings'. To ME that means the giver can share it, keep it, toss it, give it, or even (yes) sell it. I do not expect a thank you, positive feedback, or praise. While it is nice to receive these things, it's never expected, and will not change how I give. Once it leaves my hands it is no longer mine and the owner can do with it as they please, I only ask to be notified "if there is a problem".

Now, all that said.... it does upset me if I repeatedly see things for sale that I've gifted. (note I said repeatedly.. if something is absorbed into someone's stash, I do not expect them to remember where every thing they got came from. If there are several bottles of juice they bought and my one bottle I gave them in a sale, that's perfectly understandable. But if I give someone 20 bottles of juice and then see them all for sale the next week.. that's an entirely different situation. But I still TRY not to get upset. Maybe they need the money more than I)

And it happens often... I do see things for sale, and I see things given away, or used for other purposes, but it all has to be taken in context. If I see that same person being active in PIF and helping others, who I am to judge? So they didn't like what I sent, or ended up not needing it, or maybe needed money that week to pay the rent... who cares if they are helping others? And is it really any of my business? (just rambling here.. not pointing any fingers or anything!)

For thanking purposes, that's completely my opinion. I know many feel differently, and though I was raised to thank everyone personally, I certainly don't expect nor require it. It would clog my mailbox. Since most people do not list their 'usernames' on packages, tracking down the sender would be difficult for some. I sign mine from Lbug, but I know most people do not. I don't know. I think most everyone is very thankful, and I am usually thanked profusely ahead of time. That and the nice little notes on the Positive Feedback thread, seem like enough.