Valley View Vapes - Win a FREE Polypropylene Tank - Weekly Contest

[RayN]

Weekly Contest Number 17

This weeks contest is a joke.
Make a post that tells a joke.
Please don't just recycle jokes from the last joke contest. Stuck for a joke? Try "Google"

Just be sure to number your entries and not make back to back posts.
Winner will receive a free polypropylene tank of their choice (or a $10 store gift certificate if they prefer).

​

Additional prizes MAY be awarded.
Note: Contest is only for members with a US shipping address.

Rules:
Your entry posts MUST start with a number. (1,2 or 3 etc.) Please number your posts by day. (1-5 not 1-25)
The post must have substance though. Posts such as entry, or "count me in" etc will be ineligible for prizes
Only your 5 (per day) entry posts will be eligible for the prize drawing.
Un-numbered posts will be considered "Chit Chat" and not eligible for the prize.
Back to Back posting is NOT allowed for this contest.

Winner will be chosen by random number generation, based on the post number.

Contest will end Friday Night at Midnight Central time. Winner will be announced at the end of this thread.

Last Weeks Winner: Uncle

 

[RPadTV]

1. One day the NY Yankees decided to sign Alex Rodriguez to a 10-year contract for $275-million. The hilarious part is that he's a mediocre, broken-down player halfway into the deal. The Yankees are on the hook for five more years and $114-million! Bwahahahahahaha!!! Both the contract and the player can be considered jokes, btw.

 

[vsummer1]

1) My divorce was messy because there was a child involved. My ex-husband.

 

[vsummer1]

THANKS for the contest!

 

[glassmanoak]

1
How can you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
He's the one with the sesame seed buns!

 

[lettucehead]

1)


Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.

“Want to grab a drink?” he asks the centipede. But there’s no answer from the box. A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, “Hey! Do you want to get a drink?”

“I heard you the first time!” says a small, irritated voice. “I’m putting on my shoes!”

 

[glassmanoak]

2

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

I am SO lame at jokes!

 

[lettucehead]

2)

What did the pirate say when he got a heart attack?

Arr me hearties!

 

[glassmanoak]

3
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words!

 

[lettucehead]

3)

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the Green Pea over the fence.

 

[RayN]

Even "lame" jokes can put a smile on your face though!

2

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

I am SO lame at jokes!

 

[lettucehead]

4)

10 Signs Your An Internet Geek

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as "my lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications".

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"

 

[Vince Clortho]

1. I get no respect. I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

R. Dangerfield

 

[mogium]

1 what broke first the triple v tank or the drip tip



The drip tip it got a drop in it

 

[lettucehead]

5)

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.


In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

 

[glassmanoak]

4
.

What do you call a missing parrot?
A polygon.

 

[Vince Clortho]

2. I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

R. Dangerfield

 

[glassmanoak]

5

A horse enters a bar and walks over to the bartender, the bartender looks
at the horse and says, hey buddy, why the long face?

 

[Vince Clortho]

3. What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

R. Dangerfield

 

[scoopbb]

should i try 30 different flavors with my new atty, or go to a halloween party?

whoops. didn't realize it was jokes this week lol