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The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. .......s!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ......ed. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. .......s!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously ......ed. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
The Cat and The Husband;
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by
driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived
home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out
and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him
home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the
bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a
safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little knucklehead on the phone - I'm lost
and need directions."
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by
driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived
home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out
and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him
home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the
bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a
safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little knucklehead on the phone - I'm lost
and need directions."
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog, "Apothecary", could do better yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a hitch. All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the fellows what you can do, old buddy." Coffee Break then stroll ed over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, S**t on the paper, s*****d the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so. He then filed a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied for Workers' Compensation, and left for home on sick leave.
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program, that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual". The dog looked at the manager calmly and said "Meow".
afternoon (((hugs))) to all! I seen this and it brightened my day!! what a spirit she has!! She is getting a double mastectomy and decided to dance before surgery!
Hey Hello! How Are You?..................Dale, Sun, jj, Redd (girl hugs)...........RhP, Hypno(no mayhem), fry, obg, Mul (guy hugs)......
Just want to let you all know how much I love everything you do here, for it is great and others that come also and I love it so and too much to mention it all as I'm way behind here and trying to catch up and would be writing a book to describe it all but I really love coming here to see it all with you all and just had to say something and really appreciate you and this place and I'm sure looking forward to pri's return also and think it will be soon, very soon I hope!...........Who am I to say? Well I'm me and that's it! A person that has loved this place and everyone in it since I first came here and appreciate pri for inventing it and Redd joining together with her to make it this beautiful place along with everyone else coming here and allowing me to come and enjoy and I love to help them in any way I can as they have helped me so and have fun with, along with everyone and so I am saying thanks to all, I really love this place and hope you all do too! OK, that's it I'm done!!!
Just want to let you all know how much I love everything you do here, for it is great and others that come also and I love it so and too much to mention it all as I'm way behind here and trying to catch up and would be writing a book to describe it all but I really love coming here to see it all with you all and just had to say something and really appreciate you and this place and I'm sure looking forward to pri's return also and think it will be soon, very soon I hope!...........Who am I to say? Well I'm me and that's it! A person that has loved this place and everyone in it since I first came here and appreciate pri for inventing it and Redd joining together with her to make it this beautiful place along with everyone else coming here and allowing me to come and enjoy and I love to help them in any way I can as they have helped me so and have fun with, along with everyone and so I am saying thanks to all, I really love this place and hope you all do too! OK, that's it I'm done!!!
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morning everyone! hope everyone has a great day!!!! this is where i got my new wrap for my vamo!! think im gonna get a stand next. pretty cool stuff
http://www.jwraps.com/
http://www.jwraps.com/
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