Talk about a lightbulb moment 8-o ! Thanx for posting this Jules, I too had no idea that this had a name !
I've been a 'night owl' all my life already, even as a little kid. You know those times where kids get to stay up all night as an exception to the rule of going to bed on time (New Year for example) and most fall asleep by 10 PM ? I never did, I'd still be up and pottering about when the grown ups were ready to call it a night
!
For me the night hours are my most productive and going to bed is difficult. Getting up early is always a problem (although getting up in general is anway, probably excacerbated by the Fibromyalgia, so the chronic/constant pain is there for me too
) and I never feel refreshed.
I've said many times these last few years that there simply aren't enough hours in the day for me. I think at least 12 more in a day would work far better for me, to give me the time to do things at my own pace. I'm always working to the clock and constantly feel that I have to do things too quickly to my liking.
And guilt, always the feelings of guilt for not adherring to what is considered 'normal' by society. And of course towards my partner, who's really lucky in that he falls asleep pretty much the minute his head hits the pillow. I always try to live in a rythm that at least is a bit comparable to his so that we can at least eat lunch and dinner at the same time and spend some time in the evenings together, but I often feel guilty for sleeping into the day on his days off
.
I feel tired and sleepy all day, until about after midnight when I have the most energy (still not very much at all, mind you) and that's when I do most of my 'stuff'. Not a strange occurence to find me doing housework at such a time
!
Problem then though is that I really don't want to go to bed at all, I'd rather just keep on going. Sometimes I do just that, don't sleep at all and come the next night, you'd think I'd be exhausted and go to bed at a reasonable time, right ? But ohhhh no, going to bed is just as hard as any other day and I'll still go to bed really late again (usually between 4 and 5 am, then read so don't get to sleep until at least 5.30 or 6, if not later) !
I can sleep well and long, but I need to read at least 1 1/2 - 2 hours before (and often longer) if I'm to fall asleep at all, otherwise my mind too just won't quit. I have found some solace in the following excercise if my mind is too busy: I think of a particular subject; say capital cities for instance, and go
through the alphabet naming them. I seldom reach 'Z' before falling asleep and the next night I usually remember where I left off before falling asleep, and continue from there if the problem recurrs. A form of counting sheep I suppose, it seems to work for me most times.
I'm currently using Nortriptylene (in low dosage of 30 mgs/day) to help me sleep and, supposedly, for the pain. The effects on my sleep were pretty much immediate in that I do wake less often when using it, but unfortunately it hasn't done much at all for my pain. Started at 10 mgs/day, but the effect wore of pretty quickly and over the months the dosage has gradually been upped to 30 mgs/day. But where will it end ?? I don't like being dependant on drugs at all and who's to say the effects won't keep wearing off ??
Oh and the dreams, the dreams ! I've always remembered a lot of my dreams and lately I'm remembering even more. So wierd and strange, and so vivid ! I do have nightmares occassionally and can wake up totally stressed out by what I was dreaming, it can affect the whole following day sometimes.
I am usually aware that I am dreaming (lucid dreaming, do others recognise this too ??) and sometimes I purposely run
through the whole dream again in an attempt to remember it after I wake. Sometimes this technique works, sometimes it doesn't. I can still remember some dreams from long ago as well.
Anyway, sorry for the immensely long post
. Thanx again Jules for opening my eyes to this and to all for allowing me to vent and bearing with me in my rambling !
Cheers,
Silver