☞ The Situation (not the Jersey Shore dude)
I'm a KR808d-1 Gold Star extremist (meaning I haven't used any other kind).
Because I Puff in Place, plugged into the wall, alarmingly close to 24/7, short trips to doctor and drugstore my only outings, I've assumed that my KR808d-1s would take care of my wireless needs - and said so loudly, right here, and on multiple occasions, and until recently, they have.
It was a visit to theShaman's tent doctor's office that lasted longer than usual, and featured a larger-than-usual battery of "tests," that brought things to a head.
As I languished on the vinyl faux chaise lounge in the examining room, re-"reading" the Sookie Stackhouse novels on my Sansa Fuze (I'm currently on Number 7, All Together Dead), delicately and continuously puffing my long, elegant wireless KR808d-1 (gloriously bedazzled with jeweled bindis), I was obliged to acknowledge that I was not experiencing the necessary quantity of what you, my ECF brothers and sisters, have taught me is called "throat hit!"
Last week was unusually studded with doctor n' drugstore visits, each outing confirming, in clearer tones than the last, the awful truth:
During the now 3 months since I began the process of Upgrading from Marlboros to electric cigarettes, I have become very accustomed to the 5 full electricity globules provided by my beloved KR808d-1 plugged-into-the-wall electric hookah-doodle!
So accustomed, in fact, that the difference between it and the 3.7 globules afforded by even the freshliest charged, longest, elegantest, and wirelessest KR808d-1** has now become so perceptible to me that I want to smoke a Marlboro even though I'm not in need of nicotine - I'm in need of "throat hit!"
☞ Call for Opinions, Advice, Guidance, and General Pontification
1) If, while there in the examining room, I had been puffing an unwieldy and graceless iGo, its cumbrous gawkishness amplified by an aesthetically insalubrious lack of a light-up jewel on the end, would I have been receiving the 5 full electricity globules of the "volt" persuasion demanded by my unapologetically fastidious biochemistry?
1.2) If not, would I have been receiving more than 3.7 of them?
1.3.14159 or so) In other words, does the wireless iGO, even 6-8 hours after being removed from the charger, provide the quality of "throat hit" to which a lady who puffs a KR808d-1 plugged into the wall has become accustomed?
2) Is the learning curve of the iGO of a sufficiently magnanimous angle that it might be realistically ascended by a heavily sedated individual who has nevertheless learned to puff KR808d-1s AND fill cartomizers in two full methods, sometimes entirely unassisted?
3) I understand that the iGo comes only in black. (That's OK. I can work with black. That's why the universe has provided us with bindis and nail art stickers.)
But I have also seen some references to green "LED lights" as well as red ones (I know that the standard "red" is a tomato-ish shade that does not flatter my attitudinous undertones), as well as reports of the possibility of at least some small measure of Unsightliness Reduction of the kind that can only be performed by Specially Trained Professionals and should not be tried at home.
3.1) Would this extend to a light-up jewel on the end?
3.11) A pink one?
3.12) Or at least LED lights in fuchsia or violet?
3.2) What would be the additional surcharge for this sort of aesthetic safety measure?
☞ Summary
So here it is at long last: Our Feature Presentation, in all its tldr-tastic, watch-lolady-eat-hats glory, the question you read through all that to get to:
☞ Should I acquire an iGO?
Footnote:
** (which I believe to be 1.3, but do not stand upon it as a matter of principle, for two reasons, the first being that I consider the concept of numbers to be, in all probability, an artificial construct of one species of organism in one carbon-based universe, and therefore basically as fictional as a Bobbsey Twin, and the second being that arithmetic is allergic to me, and I am therefore Against it)
Porcine Flying Object Alert
How many times, how many times, and how stoutly, how certainly, and with what hair-tossing smugness, have I declared - no - have I hmmmphed - that I do not now nor will I ever need any of those chunkyluggled, plumpclunkish, portly-batteried modificated monstrosities!
I shall now proceed to dine on hat.
No, really. I need someone to count up the times. Please. Because for each one of those times, I must now, as a matter of honor, daintily gobble up an item of headwear.
Come! I extend my plate, that you may all heap upon it serving after serving of Cloche, Fedora, Kangol, Gutra, Bonnet, Balaclava, Snood, Turban, Panama, Bowler, Kefiyah, Duncecap, Tyrolean, Beanie, Fez, Toque, Beret, Pillbox, Stove-pipe, Bandana, Kufi, Porkpie, Trilby, and all their cousins and kins-hats, and I shall feast until I am round as buttertubs, round, indeed, as hats themselves.
Oh, sure, I was talking about battery life, not electricity globules per se, nor even "throat hit," but never let it be said that I stooped to weasel while standing on technicalities (or flailing aimlessly about in a vat of mixed metaphors).
It is my fervent hope that the above constitutes sufficient hatsnack atonement.
❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁
Disclaimage and Contingency Apologies: I hereby affirm, declare and affadave that a) I have used the google search and read till even blurrier than usual, and if any or all of my questions have been definitively, and especially repeatedly, answered, I extend my humblest apologies, and thoroughly seed and scatter the universe with the hope and confidence that when the day arrives that it is needed, the toddlers of today will extend the old, confused, and loopy version of you with the same patience and noble kindness that you bestow on me today by answering them (again) anyway, and in the simplest and most accessible language you can bear to employ, and b) I really have tried to be brief. You should have seen the 1st seven drafts...
I'm a KR808d-1 Gold Star extremist (meaning I haven't used any other kind).
Because I Puff in Place, plugged into the wall, alarmingly close to 24/7, short trips to doctor and drugstore my only outings, I've assumed that my KR808d-1s would take care of my wireless needs - and said so loudly, right here, and on multiple occasions, and until recently, they have.
It was a visit to the
As I languished on the vinyl faux chaise lounge in the examining room, re-"reading" the Sookie Stackhouse novels on my Sansa Fuze (I'm currently on Number 7, All Together Dead), delicately and continuously puffing my long, elegant wireless KR808d-1 (gloriously bedazzled with jeweled bindis), I was obliged to acknowledge that I was not experiencing the necessary quantity of what you, my ECF brothers and sisters, have taught me is called "throat hit!"
Last week was unusually studded with doctor n' drugstore visits, each outing confirming, in clearer tones than the last, the awful truth:
During the now 3 months since I began the process of Upgrading from Marlboros to electric cigarettes, I have become very accustomed to the 5 full electricity globules provided by my beloved KR808d-1 plugged-into-the-wall electric hookah-doodle!
So accustomed, in fact, that the difference between it and the 3.7 globules afforded by even the freshliest charged, longest, elegantest, and wirelessest KR808d-1** has now become so perceptible to me that I want to smoke a Marlboro even though I'm not in need of nicotine - I'm in need of "throat hit!"
☞ Call for Opinions, Advice, Guidance, and General Pontification
1) If, while there in the examining room, I had been puffing an unwieldy and graceless iGo, its cumbrous gawkishness amplified by an aesthetically insalubrious lack of a light-up jewel on the end, would I have been receiving the 5 full electricity globules of the "volt" persuasion demanded by my unapologetically fastidious biochemistry?
1.2) If not, would I have been receiving more than 3.7 of them?
1.3.14159 or so) In other words, does the wireless iGO, even 6-8 hours after being removed from the charger, provide the quality of "throat hit" to which a lady who puffs a KR808d-1 plugged into the wall has become accustomed?
2) Is the learning curve of the iGO of a sufficiently magnanimous angle that it might be realistically ascended by a heavily sedated individual who has nevertheless learned to puff KR808d-1s AND fill cartomizers in two full methods, sometimes entirely unassisted?
3) I understand that the iGo comes only in black. (That's OK. I can work with black. That's why the universe has provided us with bindis and nail art stickers.)
But I have also seen some references to green "LED lights" as well as red ones (I know that the standard "red" is a tomato-ish shade that does not flatter my attitudinous undertones), as well as reports of the possibility of at least some small measure of Unsightliness Reduction of the kind that can only be performed by Specially Trained Professionals and should not be tried at home.
3.1) Would this extend to a light-up jewel on the end?
3.11) A pink one?
3.12) Or at least LED lights in fuchsia or violet?
3.2) What would be the additional surcharge for this sort of aesthetic safety measure?
☞ Summary
So here it is at long last: Our Feature Presentation, in all its tldr-tastic, watch-lolady-eat-hats glory, the question you read through all that to get to:
☞ Should I acquire an iGO?
Footnote:
** (which I believe to be 1.3, but do not stand upon it as a matter of principle, for two reasons, the first being that I consider the concept of numbers to be, in all probability, an artificial construct of one species of organism in one carbon-based universe, and therefore basically as fictional as a Bobbsey Twin, and the second being that arithmetic is allergic to me, and I am therefore Against it)
Porcine Flying Object Alert
How many times, how many times, and how stoutly, how certainly, and with what hair-tossing smugness, have I declared - no - have I hmmmphed - that I do not now nor will I ever need any of those chunkyluggled, plumpclunkish, portly-batteried modificated monstrosities!
I shall now proceed to dine on hat.
No, really. I need someone to count up the times. Please. Because for each one of those times, I must now, as a matter of honor, daintily gobble up an item of headwear.
Come! I extend my plate, that you may all heap upon it serving after serving of Cloche, Fedora, Kangol, Gutra, Bonnet, Balaclava, Snood, Turban, Panama, Bowler, Kefiyah, Duncecap, Tyrolean, Beanie, Fez, Toque, Beret, Pillbox, Stove-pipe, Bandana, Kufi, Porkpie, Trilby, and all their cousins and kins-hats, and I shall feast until I am round as buttertubs, round, indeed, as hats themselves.
Oh, sure, I was talking about battery life, not electricity globules per se, nor even "throat hit," but never let it be said that I stooped to weasel while standing on technicalities (or flailing aimlessly about in a vat of mixed metaphors).
It is my fervent hope that the above constitutes sufficient hatsnack atonement.
❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁❀❁
Disclaimage and Contingency Apologies: I hereby affirm, declare and affadave that a) I have used the google search and read till even blurrier than usual, and if any or all of my questions have been definitively, and especially repeatedly, answered, I extend my humblest apologies, and thoroughly seed and scatter the universe with the hope and confidence that when the day arrives that it is needed, the toddlers of today will extend the old, confused, and loopy version of you with the same patience and noble kindness that you bestow on me today by answering them (again) anyway, and in the simplest and most accessible language you can bear to employ, and b) I really have tried to be brief. You should have seen the 1st seven drafts...
