I am trying to post a joke..it won't get big enough to read. I will try later.
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A Smile for you
- Thread starter Mary Kay
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The shrimp/caviar in the curtain rods................. love it!
I worked in the kitchen of a Red Lobster when I was in high school. The manager was an arrogant tyrant who liked to harrass all the girls. With the help of one of the guys, we placed some raw shrimp strategically on his car engine's manifold. He complained about it for quite a while. Sweet revenge!
Poor baby ! (you're gonna get dirty ) Come sit on the sofa....he'll be back !
Lisa !! Good job !!
Lisa !! Good job !!
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble, and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home, and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
They are always getting into trouble, and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home, and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
Borrowed from another thread! It was just too dammed funny! I about spit water on my ipad.
SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER...
> >
> > You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have
> > to like them!
> >
> > We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
> > turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet
> > parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.
> >
> > We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and
> > we opened the front door to leave the house.
> >
> > As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back
> > into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always
> > tries to eat the bird.
> >
> > My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.
> > The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
> > doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night.
> > So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just
> > going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
> >
> > A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said,
> > as we drove away. 'That stupid ..... was hiding under the bed. I had to poke
> > her ... with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so
> > I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
> > from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ... downstairs and threw
> > her out into the back yard!'
> >
> > The cab driver hit a parked car.
SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER...
> >
> > You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have
> > to like them!
> >
> > We were dressed, and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
> > turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet
> > parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.
> >
> > We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and
> > we opened the front door to leave the house.
> >
> > As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back
> > into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house. Because she always
> > tries to eat the bird.
> >
> > My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.
> > The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
> > doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night.
> > So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just
> > going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
> >
> > A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said,
> > as we drove away. 'That stupid ..... was hiding under the bed. I had to poke
> > her ... with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so
> > I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
> > from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ... downstairs and threw
> > her out into the back yard!'
> >
> > The cab driver hit a parked car.
Jumping On the Bed
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old".
The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ...?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look?, What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old".
The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old ...?"
"Your name never came up," she replied.
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