Anecdotes

[MrKrinkle]

Rude Parrot

A young man named Jon received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude. Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions." "I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions." "I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior". Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued... "May I ask, what did the chicken do!?"

 

[MrKrinkle]

A few months after his parents divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mother’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning even louder. He peeked into her bedroom and saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny then ran into his bedroom, took off his clothes, threw himself on the bed, and started stroking himself, moaning, “I need a SSGGTS, I need a Odysseus, I need a Penelope, I need a Proteus!”

 

[MrKrinkle]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I have to wizz!” Miss Jones replied, “Now Johnny, that is not the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word is ‘urinate.’ Please use the word ‘urinate’ in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.” Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, “Urinate, but if you had bigger teets you’d be a 10.”

 

[rwechsler]

Inner Peace


If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs

...Then You Are Probably
The Family Dog!




And you thought I was going to get all spiritual..

 

[dspin]

Hey RW - are these your family dogs?????????????

Next up - visiting with the family

 

[rwechsler]

Well played d, well played.

 

[dspin]

A lesson for all

 

[CaptSteve]

Fantastic images dspin my friend. A true display of unconditional love.

 

[rwechsler]

Beautiful dspin, beautiful.

 

[imeothanasis]

what can someone say for those images dspin? Unconditional love as Steve said. Well done my friend

 

[Huffelpuff]

The test for true love.... lock your wife and your dog in the car trunk for 20 minutes... see which one is happy to see you when you come back

 

[imeothanasis]

hahaha thats was a nice one Huff My wife is always happy exept when she sees me

 

[PaulieD]

Ha ha ha.....

hahaha thats was a nice one Huff My wife is always happy exept when she sees me

 

[Stormynights]

I love the story about Hachiko the Akita dog in Japan that waited at the train station for his master for 9 years after the man died. That is devotion.

 

[Huffelpuff]

Aw.. that's sad Poor lil pup.

 

[dspin]

I love the story about Hachiko the Akita dog in Japan that waited at the train station for his master for 9 years after the man died. That is devotion.

Yes indeed, Hachiko and also Greyfriars Bobby.

 

[FunkyVapes]

A clever one-liner I heard someone say at the bar Monday night:

"You know, you don't actually smoke. The cigarette does all the smoking, you're just the sucker!"

 

[imeothanasis]

dont worry about me Huff, I am a black, bad dog

Aw.. that's sad Poor lil pup.

 

[Stormynights]

I had to look that one up. I never heard that one before. I am glad I did.

Yes indeed, Hachiko and also Greyfriars Bobby.

 

[dspin]

I had to look that one up. I never heard that one before. I am glad I did.

Yes, the only dog to ever receive the keys to the city. Large statue erected also


on another note::